Ive been tripping on mushrooms a few times to try to climb my way out of depression.
I already have SN and Antiemetics, but I'm not actively suicidal right now. I want to live, but I'm not sure I'll be able to sustain a livable future, so I'm keeping the SN as an "escape plan" kind of.
To be honest, the "I want to live" attitude only came since I took mushrooms. I felt like I had died, and was so shook afterwards that I decided I'm not ready to face death.
The second trip, my intention was to take a small dose and just have a light hearted trip to put me in a good mood. Well.. basically I was stuck in a bad trip for some time. I kept asking myself if I had taken the shrooms or if I had accidentally taken the SN and am now dead and in hell. Then I thought, no I'm definitely alive but my life is kind of hell anyway.
During my trip I got an email from the SN vendor (2 month after purchase) with the subject "WE NEED THE PROPER ID". It said "Can you send us the right tax number so we can send the invoice?" I had made the order with a fake name and tax number so my identity wouldn't be revealed (also sent to a pickup point).
I swear I stared at that email for an hour straight. Since I was in hell, I thought that email was just me tripping but that it had a profound meaning, like I was paying for my sins, or that I'm not getting away with keeping SN in my closet.
After the trip had ended, I was fine, and I went to check the email because I was like there's no way I actually got that, but the email was real.
I don't believe in anything superstitious. I think it was just a coincidence that it came while I was on shrooms, and reading it made it feel much more profound, but goddammit it also made me realize that this white box in my closet is my deepest darkest secret and it's haunting the fuck out of me.
I thought about discarding the SN knowing that I can get it later if I need to again, but I'm actually worried I wouldn't be able to, so I kinda want to keep it. Fucking weird man
I already have SN and Antiemetics, but I'm not actively suicidal right now. I want to live, but I'm not sure I'll be able to sustain a livable future, so I'm keeping the SN as an "escape plan" kind of.
To be honest, the "I want to live" attitude only came since I took mushrooms. I felt like I had died, and was so shook afterwards that I decided I'm not ready to face death.
The second trip, my intention was to take a small dose and just have a light hearted trip to put me in a good mood. Well.. basically I was stuck in a bad trip for some time. I kept asking myself if I had taken the shrooms or if I had accidentally taken the SN and am now dead and in hell. Then I thought, no I'm definitely alive but my life is kind of hell anyway.
During my trip I got an email from the SN vendor (2 month after purchase) with the subject "WE NEED THE PROPER ID". It said "Can you send us the right tax number so we can send the invoice?" I had made the order with a fake name and tax number so my identity wouldn't be revealed (also sent to a pickup point).
I swear I stared at that email for an hour straight. Since I was in hell, I thought that email was just me tripping but that it had a profound meaning, like I was paying for my sins, or that I'm not getting away with keeping SN in my closet.
After the trip had ended, I was fine, and I went to check the email because I was like there's no way I actually got that, but the email was real.
I don't believe in anything superstitious. I think it was just a coincidence that it came while I was on shrooms, and reading it made it feel much more profound, but goddammit it also made me realize that this white box in my closet is my deepest darkest secret and it's haunting the fuck out of me.
I thought about discarding the SN knowing that I can get it later if I need to again, but I'm actually worried I wouldn't be able to, so I kinda want to keep it. Fucking weird man
