I know it may sounds silly to some, but I'm afraid if the consequences if I kill myself.
Anyone else have the same issue? Every single minute of life is hell for me, my vision is failing and I'm slowly going blind. I have no friends because I stopped talking to any friends I had. Everyone around me tells me to "get myself together" because I use kratom and alcohol to make life somewhat bareable. Everyday I wait with impatience for the sweet release of sleep, the only rest I get from this living hell. Nothing interests me, I have extreme ahnedonia and boredom and spend 99% of my time in my room.
My family blames me for being lazy and not earning my keep (32 living with parents and my husband) . My dad (technically step-dad but I consider him my father) was diagnosed with cancer and he says I'm a burden to my mom ans he is doesn't want my condition to be stressing her out if he dies, she is 60 and too old to be dealing taking care of a grown ass woman like me. I know he's right but I can't do anything and I wish I could. My husband worked hard to provide for us while he could but he has a pain condition that pretty much prevents him from working. He moans in pain all day long. I wish I was never born. It hurts so much to see how much pain he is in, and no one believes him.
I do have an easy and quick method to go, fentanyl. In fact, I nearly overdosed once and it was actually a pleasant experience, like sleeping, but I came to. don't normally use opiates, my husband once got fentanyl mostly for his pain but he also likes to get high on it, and overdosed smoking it. He was definitely dying, turning blue and not breathing, took me 4 narcan to bring him back. When he woke he had no idea anything happened! So I think this is a really good method for me to go. But I'm so afraid I will be damned to hell or some punishment in the afterlife.
I was actually very atheist before I tried dmt which completely convinced me there is a " next step". I want forever sleep. My biggest hope is there is just nothing after death, but my intuition tells me we go on in some form. Anyone else afraid of death because of possinle afterlife?
Anyone else have the same issue? Every single minute of life is hell for me, my vision is failing and I'm slowly going blind. I have no friends because I stopped talking to any friends I had. Everyone around me tells me to "get myself together" because I use kratom and alcohol to make life somewhat bareable. Everyday I wait with impatience for the sweet release of sleep, the only rest I get from this living hell. Nothing interests me, I have extreme ahnedonia and boredom and spend 99% of my time in my room.
My family blames me for being lazy and not earning my keep (32 living with parents and my husband) . My dad (technically step-dad but I consider him my father) was diagnosed with cancer and he says I'm a burden to my mom ans he is doesn't want my condition to be stressing her out if he dies, she is 60 and too old to be dealing taking care of a grown ass woman like me. I know he's right but I can't do anything and I wish I could. My husband worked hard to provide for us while he could but he has a pain condition that pretty much prevents him from working. He moans in pain all day long. I wish I was never born. It hurts so much to see how much pain he is in, and no one believes him.
I do have an easy and quick method to go, fentanyl. In fact, I nearly overdosed once and it was actually a pleasant experience, like sleeping, but I came to. don't normally use opiates, my husband once got fentanyl mostly for his pain but he also likes to get high on it, and overdosed smoking it. He was definitely dying, turning blue and not breathing, took me 4 narcan to bring him back. When he woke he had no idea anything happened! So I think this is a really good method for me to go. But I'm so afraid I will be damned to hell or some punishment in the afterlife.
I was actually very atheist before I tried dmt which completely convinced me there is a " next step". I want forever sleep. My biggest hope is there is just nothing after death, but my intuition tells me we go on in some form. Anyone else afraid of death because of possinle afterlife?
