Venting Ever since I knew about the concept of Death... I preferred it to life.

[SuicidalCurryBoy]

It took me till I was in my late 20s to realize this was not normal.
Specially for a child.

It's a weird feeling, because my own death, and the death of my family was simply something I was looking towards. It seemed idk... it seemed like an event. I think that's the best way to describe it.

When I was around 13, I saw this kid who used to come to my school. I hadn't seen him in years(?) at that point, and I had forgotten all about his existence, specially since I was getting bullied to oblivion.

It was cancer. And he only had a few months to live...

And I didn't feel sad or scared... I just felt envy. I remember thinking... 'I wish that were me'

Because it felt like... if I had cancer, my existence would be acknowledged.

Even now I keep thinking... I wish that were me.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand as I've also always preferred to not exist, non-existence is all I personally hope for, I just want to never exist ever again, I'd never wish to exist, I see it as so deeply undesirable to exist.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

to me Death / non-existence forever is much preferable to life. Only non-existence forever guarantees never suffering extremely , never any unending constant unbearable pain...

There's nothing after Death.

But supposing there was as so many believe. in life /existence / consciousness there's always a possibility of some suffering, boredom , a bad memory, some problem, something unwanted happening as long as there is some kind of consciousness / life / existence / sentience / thinking. . Only the dead / non-existent can never suffer never be bored , never have a bad memory , never any pain.

Only permanent non-existence is the only perfection. non-existence forever is the only absolute perfection .
eternal non-existence is the only thing that has absolute zero chance of suffering , pain , problems , bad memories anything bad or unwanted forever . eternal nothingness , forever oblivion , never to exist again is what i wish for and am sure will happen after Death. we all will die anyway

 

[ThatGuyOverThere]

You should look into the philosophy of pro-Moralism, seems like you have the same world view.

here's sources on it:

Why it is Always Better to Cease to Exist

I shall argue that David Benatar’s Axiological Asymmetry of harms and benefits, when combined with (exclusively) hedonistic view of harms and benefits, entail p

papers.ssrn.com

Better No Longer to Be: The Harm of Continued Existence

research.birmingham.ac.uk

Is there any openly pro-mortalist philosopher?

Pro-mortalism is the rather unpopular view that it would be ethical to kill all humanity instantly and painlessly to prevent further suffering if that was feasible. Sam Harris and David Benatar rej...

philosophy.stackexchange.com