Even if things got better, I'd still CTB

[goblin99]

Even if I get a job offer tomorrow, I'd still do it. Even if I got health insurance so I could finally start seeing a therapist. Even if I found friends. Even if I got to start testosterone.

Even if I got everything I need to make life livable, I'd still go through with my CTB plan. Because I always find a way to fuck good things up. It's sadly a talent of mine. Good things are only temporary and if I'm being honest I can't stand being where I am now. This life is useless. I'm just an unemployed 24 year old trans man. There's nothing good about me or my life.

 

[unabletocope]

Same

 

[Lookingtoflyfree]

Even if I get a job offer tomorrow, I'd still do it. Even if I got health insurance so I could finally start seeing a therapist. Even if I found friends. Even if I got to start testosterone.

Even if I got everything I need to make life livable, I'd still go through with my CTB plan. Because I always find a way to fuck good things up. It's sadly a talent of mine. Good things are only temporary and if I'm being honest I can't stand being where I am now. This life is useless. I'm just an unemployed 24 year old trans man. There's nothing good about me or my life.

I feel so much of this. I'm in therapy and have some acquaintances but the goodness in my life is seeing how to wrap things up before I end it. In grade school I was thinking this way - been trying for a LONG time and just have gotten all the green flags to go ahead and do it. I did really try but too much trauma and I'd rather permanently sleep than have the waking nightmare any more and trauma from intermittent flashbacks of violence

 

[Mi Mi]

Even if I get a job offer tomorrow, I'd still do it. Even if I got health insurance so I could finally start seeing a therapist. Even if I found friends. Even if I got to start testosterone.

Even if I got everything I need to make life livable, I'd still go through with my CTB plan. Because I always find a way to fuck good things up. It's sadly a talent of mine. Good things are only temporary and if I'm being honest I can't stand being where I am now. This life is useless. I'm just an unemployed 24 year old trans man. There's nothing good about me or my life.

Very understood

 

[goodoldnoname923]

I

Even if I get a job offer tomorrow, I'd still do it. Even if I got health insurance so I could finally start seeing a therapist. Even if I found friends. Even if I got to start testosterone.

Even if I got everything I need to make life livable, I'd still go through with my CTB plan. Because I always find a way to fuck good things up. It's sadly a talent of mine. Good things are only temporary and if I'm being honest I can't stand being where I am now. This life is useless. I'm just an unemployed 24 year old trans man. There's nothing good about me or my life.

can relate to the feeling,i feel like whenever i get close to getting what i want/need it all crumples away

i've lost many friends had many opportunities pass me by or never even occur i live with the guilt of the horrible things i've done and honestly i feel incapable of change

Like yourswlf even if i got everything i wanted would i still be unhappy? Would i still want more? Would i still be unsatisfied or dwell on the past? And would i fuck it up and still hurt people

I relate with your pain…all i could say is i wish and hope you'd get everything you wanted…i'd much prefer that to you finding peace i feel the same way for myself…but if it's really unachievable…i hope you get the things you ant and desire in life truthfully i do otherwise i hope for you to find the peace you deserve at least