Story Erasing myself ???

[lovesickmoon]

I honestly decided to hop on here because i recently moved far away from everyone i know. Im slowly trying to erase my existence from them and im also planning on a name change. I know because of internet blabla its p easy to track down ppl, personally i think with the way im slowly drifting away nobody will bother even trying to find me again. So one day when i decide enough is enough, the people i knew back then wont know anything.
I guess after over a decade of battling with depression and being on the schizophrenic spectrum im giving my last try.

Honestly thought disappearing like this from everyone and everything i once knew was going to help in some way, but mm not too sure...

I have attempted before and was hospitalized, but i feel like i developed some sort of phobia of death after it. Nowadays i find myself thinking and researching a lot about it again.

I dont have anyone to share this with so even the thought that someone out there will see this or glance at this is enough at this point.

Ive given myself a date which is about 1 year from now, if this fails to make me happy too, i am gone.

Anyways i hope i used the right tag for this random thought spill, its my first post... sorry!!!!

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be really tiring what you've been through, it sounds like you've suffered for such a long time but anyway I wish you the best in whatever happens going forward.

 

[lovesickmoon]

It must be really tiring what you've been through, it sounds like you've suffered for such a long time but anyway I wish you the best in whatever happens going forward.

sometimes i do wonder if its my fault ive been so naive with certain people and events, but then again i realize i was so vulnerable and everyone took advantage of that. thank you for your reply ! much love

 

[soonatpeace777888]

Wow, you are a fighter for sure if you lasted this long on the Schizophrenic spectrum. I applaud you for your strength!

 

[lovesickmoon]

Wow, you are a fighter for sure if you lasted this long on the Schizophrenic spectrum. I applaud you for your strength!

not sure why this made me bawl my eyes out lol... yeah i was diagnosed with psychosis, been dealing with severe delusions and paranoia and it gets worse during stressful times. it really hindered my life for a long time and my relationships with people. hearing this definitely made me feel recognized for once honestly. thank you <3

 

[SVEN]

Just to get this far and still be making plans and acting on them is a big success. Best wishes in hanging in there as you move forward.

 

[lovesickmoon]

Just to get this far and still be making plans and acting on them is a big success. Best wishes in hanging in there as you move forward.

Thank you very much. I am indeed trying my best..! :)

 

[lilac]

Hah reading this made me cry. its really hard to push forward sometimes, i wish progress wasn't so up and down. I really hope things work out for you and in a weird way its really nice to know somebody else is trying so hard too.

Best wishes

 

[lovesickmoon]

Its insane to what lengths you go to because you cling onto hope. Keep fighting .. <3