Discussion Entitlement and incels, femcels, everyone.

[Forever Sleep]

One thing I've tended to pick up on incel threads in particular is a sense of entitlement- basically: 'It's unfair that the women I feel attracted to (probably because they are attractive!) go for guys who are attractive or wealthy.' I realise this will probably stir up the usual battle of the sexes. Plus, I'm perfectly willing to acknowledge that I don't know enough single men and women to really know this for sure and, I bring my own bias to it. But, does this exist to the same extent for femcels? Do women feel as entitled as men do? Maybe they do. Maybe we all do. I suppose we are encouraged to via media.

It surely has to do with things like upbringing and the culture around us. But, I feel like it is this sense of entitlement that creates such animosity. If we know we're not actually entitled to something, we may still feel bitter that we pulled the short genetic or bad luck straw. We may still be angry that society prides what we don't have but, I think there's less anger there.

Just in general though, do you suppose having such high expectations/ a sense of entitement in life makes us as unhappy as a lot of us are? Not just in terms of a desirable romantic partner. We are also told that working hard will pay off. We deserve that dream job. Plus, regardless of what we earn, we deserve a dream holiday, car, house, lifestyle. If we didn't have so many expectations. So many expectations placed on us too- do you suppose as a society, we'd be happier?

My Dad seems to think life was better in the 50's, even in the 70's. I think people did live more simply back then. There maybe wasn't so much pressure to own stuff, be something, achieve. I don't know. What do you think?

 

[lamargue]

wouldn't say that i've seen a lot of entitlement from the men who are unfairly lumped in with typical incels

"this world is unfair" ≠ "i am entitled to something better"

just a recognition of how rigged the game is, and the choice over whether or not to attempt to extricate value within those constraints is dependent on you; but you ought not to be blamed for pre-emptively giving up against overwhelming odds

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

Nah I may be an incel but I don't believe I'm entitled to anything or anyone. I genuinely don't deserve a relationship even if I still want one. That's why I always find it weird when people say I should just stop identifying as an incel because even if I were to stop calling myself one, it wouldn't make me any less of one. I'll still be an awful evil disgusting creature that should be avoided at all costs and no matter how much I really want a relationship I have no desire to blame anyone else but myself for not having one.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Nah I may be an incel but I don't believe I'm entitled to anything or anyone. I genuinely don't deserve a relationship even if I still want one. That's why I always find it weird when people say I should just stop identifying as an incel because even if I were to stop calling myself one, it wouldn't make me any less of one. I'll still be an awful evil disgusting creature that should be avoided at all costs and no matter how much I really want a relationship I have no desire to blame anyone else but myself for not having one.

I always struggle to believe you are as nasty as you describe yourself. But, I get it, I feel like it's probably kinder to not inflict myself on someone.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

I always struggle to believe you are as nasty as you describe yourself. But, I get it, I feel like it's probably kinder to not inflict myself on someone.

I think even if I were only just as awful as the least awful incel, that would still be too bad to deserve any kind of compassion or mercy. Even if someone were willing to give me a chance, they would probably have to deal with all my other emotional baggage and trauma which has been shoved to the back. I don't blame anyone for not wanting to get involved with that either.

 

[Pluto]

 

[Sprite_Geist]

I think the unhappiness that many men (and woman) feel is less a feeling of entitlement, and more the realization that they are getting an unfair deal. We are told - generally - that we are a part of society, so we must work and contribute toward the greater whole. Though simultaneously there are many people who are struggling financially, and who will never be able to afford to buy their own house - for example. This leaves people angry and upset.

If anything I believe that the sense of entitlement comes from society, because society (collectively) expects us to be productive while giving almost nothing useful in return, in other words: "something for nothing."

Edit: perhaps this is not relevant to the topic of this thread, but the concept of entitlement could also be used to justify suicide. If we are not owed or "entitled" to anything from others - especially their love - then they are not entitled to anything from us, so then it is not wrong to leave them behind through ending our own lives. Yet the current (general) involuntary celibate movement is criticized for trying to normalize suicide, as if it is wrong to not wish to be alive anymore; this is hypocritical in my opinion.

 

[Angst Filled Fuck Up]

I get the feeling the entitlement aspect is more showboating or simply fake-bragging because it's often absurd in how showy it is. It seems to be so over the top that I somehow doubt it's genuine entitlement. Rodger's videos for instance were so goofy they were hard to take seriously. They depicted him as having a superiority complex that was unwarranted and completely inappropriate to the situation. The same could be said of Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold, for example. The latter wrote something to the effect of "Why shouldn't we, the gods, have the right to break into a van that some motherfucker left in the middle of nowhere?" Statements like this are so devoid of self-awareness that it's almost as if they write or say them for the benefit of their (incel) peers.

What is accurate though is that they virtually all have deep resentment or bitterness that tends to be very evident. I spoke to a femcel online not too long ago and she was really difficult to talk to oftentimes, because everything she said was so laced with anguish that it was unpleasant to be on the receiving end.

I'm no real expert of course, but this is just what I've noticed.