Venting Endless emptiness

[inkmage333]

It's like the only things I'm capable of feeling are pain and anguish. I can also only feel love for and from the one I consider to be my favorite person (I have BPD). Beyond that though all my interactions, everything I am feel empty. I can't be sincere about almost anything besides the above because I'm incapable of feeling that kind of sincerity. People have been suggesting me "try new hobbies! Just go get a job!" as if I haven't tried both of those and didn't feel the same. I still felt empty when I was actively working, and when I kept trying new hobbies none of them ever filled the void in my heart that's only growing bigger day by day. None of the love from everyone else matters to me anymore.

I'm tired. I want the empty feeling to go away, and I know it'll only leave when I ctb. But I can't even do that because benzos are hard to obtain properly for the SN method. It's like at this point my best bet is for me to die in a freak accident or something.

 

[kunikuzushi]

You can go to the emergency room and say you can't calm down from a panic attack and they'll probably give you benzos. That's how I got some. Sorry to hear about your situation. I feel the same unbearable emptiness. It's just torture living like this. Wish you the best.

 

[boni]

l I find myself in exactly the same situation, although I don't usually feel pain, neither for myself nor for others. I simply exist. The few times I cry, it's for no direct reason, and it usually lasts only a few seconds