Venting Empty

[heirofvoid]

5 days of going to work being anxious most of the time and I spend the weekdays feeling empty and rotting on my bed.

I don't even know why I'm working. I'm lucky enough that my family doesn't let me pay bills so I just spend on other stuff that we need, like groceries or gas. I don't have any other goal as to why I'm saving up all this money. I don't enjoy anything anymore and I just don't like spending too much for my interests again since it feels like a waste.

I can't feel anything for almost 3 weeks now. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I still masturbate to get that weekly serotonin but god even that doean't feel good anymore. If even masturbating can't make me feel anything anymore then what the fuck am I supposed to do?

I hate this. I know I should be grateful because at least I have a job now but I just hate this. I've become an empty shell. I've been planning on ctb again but honestly I don't think there's a method that will 100% work for me. I just pray I get killed on my way home or I get in an accident. But when will that even happen?

I'm just so tired of living. I don't know why I'm still here. I just want to disappear.

 

[makethepainstop]

I say I feel the same, but I also feel like a tool everyone likes to use.

 

[drmihilo]

5 days of going to work being anxious most of the time and I spend the weekdays feeling empty and rotting on my bed.

I don't even know why I'm working. I'm lucky enough that my family doesn't let me pay bills so I just spend on other stuff that we need, like groceries or gas. I don't have any other goal as to why I'm saving up all this money. I don't enjoy anything anymore and I just don't like spending too much for my interests again since it feels like a waste.

I can't feel anything for almost 3 weeks now. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I still masturbate to get that weekly serotonin but god even that doean't feel good anymore. If even masturbating can't make me feel anything anymore then what the fuck am I supposed to do?

I hate this. I know I should be grateful because at least I have a job now but I just hate this. I've become an empty shell. I've been planning on ctb again but honestly I don't think there's a method that will 100% work for me. I just pray I get killed on my way home or I get in an accident. But when will that even happen?

I'm just so tired of living. I don't know why I'm still here. I just want to disappear.

It's funny that I want to say something as support, but the words just aren't there... So a "verbal hug" is all I can do...

 

[spectraltease]

5 days of going to work being anxious most of the time and I spend the weekdays feeling empty and rotting on my bed.

I don't even know why I'm working. I'm lucky enough that my family doesn't let me pay bills so I just spend on other stuff that we need, like groceries or gas. I don't have any other goal as to why I'm saving up all this money. I don't enjoy anything anymore and I just don't like spending too much for my interests again since it feels like a waste.

I can't feel anything for almost 3 weeks now. Nothing makes me happy anymore. I still masturbate to get that weekly serotonin but god even that doean't feel good anymore. If even masturbating can't make me feel anything anymore then what the fuck am I supposed to do?

I hate this. I know I should be grateful because at least I have a job now but I just hate this. I've become an empty shell. I've been planning on ctb again but honestly I don't think there's a method that will 100% work for me. I just pray I get killed on my way home or I get in an accident. But when will that even happen?

I'm just so tired of living. I don't know why I'm still here. I just want to disappear.

I feel you. My life is good but Im not.

 

[hoberyn]

I understand, that's bad when we're just living a life that's supposed to be good and perceived like it but really isn't. To me it feels like maybe you'll benefit through some kind of help maybe ? idk maybe you tried it and i know sometimes it sucks and doesn't work but if u haven't tried it maybe consider it if u feel like it. Hope you'll feel better and find some peace as i know life sucks really

 

[Wormfood]

I can relate

It has been 2 days I haven't showered. I feel disgusted with myself.

Going back to work feel like dipping my hand in a jar of mucus. If I go back to work I may just snap and destroy company property. I can't stay another second there. I feel compelled to be there and put up a front like I'm okay when I'm burning inside.

People seem to think I have endless self control. I have to fight impulses to cuss and break stuff. I should fight that daily and pretend that I'm happy to please who?

....

 

[FuneralCry]

I do see life as being very depressing personally. It really would be ideal to have the option to just disappear and be free from everything. Being alive really is so pointless as well and it really is unfair how ctb can be so difficult. I understand the feeling of being so tired. Best wishes.