VigilanteWithViolin
Member
- Dec 19, 2024
- 34
I tried to write something in my diary because I've been keeping them since childhood and it always helped me put my thoughts in order, but I realized that I had no thoughts. Everything goes over and over again, the same thing, it's the things that put pressure on me, make me nervous and unhappy. I keep thinking back to people, to situations, to dialogues that have upset me mentally, and I can't get rid of these thoughts.
My sedative is shit with the collection of some herbs, of course, it doesn't help. I can't read, I can't write, I've become a hostage to these shitty thoughts. So far, the only things that help me are the routine things that I hate, but at least when I do them, my mind goes blank and I'm not distracted by triggers.
I keep thinking about how easy it would be to take a laptop cord or a robe belt and just hang myself, especially since I'm almost constantly suffocating and probably even a slight pressure will make me lose consciousness.
I'm going to my weekly Saturday meeting with my old company tomorrow, and I'm not sure if I have the energy to pretend to be carefree and cheerful. I think I'm only going there to pick up my book order on the way...
My sedative is shit with the collection of some herbs, of course, it doesn't help. I can't read, I can't write, I've become a hostage to these shitty thoughts. So far, the only things that help me are the routine things that I hate, but at least when I do them, my mind goes blank and I'm not distracted by triggers.
I keep thinking about how easy it would be to take a laptop cord or a robe belt and just hang myself, especially since I'm almost constantly suffocating and probably even a slight pressure will make me lose consciousness.
I'm going to my weekly Saturday meeting with my old company tomorrow, and I'm not sure if I have the energy to pretend to be carefree and cheerful. I think I'm only going there to pick up my book order on the way...