Emptiness

[AbsentMindedHuman]

I have beat my self up over the fact that I havent been able to cry in 5 years. My lack of emotion seems to stem from my first CTB attempt. This was only emphasized a week ago when I lost my grandfather suddenly and haven't shed a tear. Am I a monster. Did he mean anything to me at all. I not sure anything means anything to me anymore. I Don't see and reason for anything as I am just a vesicle floating along. If anything this is hell and Im strapped into the endless ride of misery. Some people say Its just the meds that have caused some sort of Anhedonia but I think I am being judged for my CTB attempt and this plane is a sick joke on my psyche. Existence is cruel and I am made to suffer.

 

[Old]

Trust me buddy, you are not being judged. The anhedonia could be a result of your depression and some adverse reaction of meds. You are not a bad person at all. You just feel empty. I haven't cried in a long long time either.

 

[Skywren]

you're no monster, and grief hits everybody differently. Even if you dont feel any at all, thats okay. You're going through hell right now