Discussion Emotional abusive domestic relationship and I don't see a way out

[readyspaghetti]

Anyone else in an emotionally abusive relationship?

I feel like I would do better leaving the relationship but I don't know how to end things. I keep trying to break up but he's financially dependent on me. We live together and neither of us have family close by so separating is logistically and financially hard on both of us. I don't know what to do.

 

[Life_and_Death]

i understand the feeling. ive been crying to leave my husband for years and yet im still here and not sure im going to get out when i had hoped due to complications.....complications...theres always complications

 

[Hollowillow]

Anyone else in an emotionally abusive relationship?

I feel like I would do better leaving the relationship but I don't know how to end things. I keep trying to break up but he's financially dependent on me. We live together and neither of us have family close by so separating is logistically and financially hard on both of us. I don't know what to do.

He's violent towards you when YOU have the money power?

Trash him out homeless. NOW!

Tell him he has a day to get the fuck out back to his mom, maybe she can raise him some more to gave some goddamn respect.

If you were the one financially dependent, and your well being was in danger... Well... I'm pro murder.

Kicking him out isn't that bad. Free yourself.

Oh god I'm in a suicide forum. He makes you wish you were dead and you feel bad to throw the vermin out?

Get mad like a bitch, kick him out. YESTERDAY! NOW!

i understand the feeling. ive been crying to leave my husband for years and yet im still here and not sure im going to get out when i had hoped due to complications.....complications...theres always complications

Go live with her. Tell the 2 jerks you're lesbians now. No need to kiss. You can sleep on the couch until you buy a bed.

 

[readyspaghetti]

He's violent towards you when YOU have the money power?

Trash him out homeless. NOW!

Tell him he has a day to get the fuck out back to his mom, maybe she can raise him some more to gave some goddamn respect.

If you were the one financially dependent, and your well being was in danger... Well... I'm pro murder.

Kicking him out isn't that bad. Free yourself.

Oh god I'm in a suicide forum. He makes you wish you were dead and you feel bad to throw the vermin out?

Get mad like a bitch, kick him out. YESTERDAY! NOW!

Go live with her. Tell the 2 jerks you're lesbians now. No need to kiss. You can sleep on the couch until you buy a bed.

He has no family. They are all dead.

I appreciate the advice but kicking someone out is not as easy as it sounds. I would have to evict him and then we would still have to live together for however long that is. I live in a HCOL city so even though I do well it's not enough to escape from him. I can't get another place until the end of our lease. I'm just not smart enough to figure out how to leave him.

i understand the feeling. ive been crying to leave my husband for years and yet im still here and not sure im going to get out when i had hoped due to complications.....complications...theres always complications

I get it... I have no idea how I am going to get out either. I haven't completely lost hope yet but it's gotten grim. I would love to hear stories from other women who have ended abusive relationships without moving into a shelter

 

[Someone123]

He's violent towards you when YOU have the money power?

He's not violent, he's emotionally abusive. So he likely does things like putting her down a lot and treating her badly mentally and emotionally.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I would love to hear stories from other women who have ended abusive relationships without moving into a shelter

idk how far away your family is, but mine is a 4hr drive away. its been years of me putting my foot down but he seems to be finely getting it, not happily though.
cant he get welfare or whatever its called locally?

 

[readyspaghetti]

He's not violent, he's emotionally abusive. So he likely does things like putting her down a lot and treating her badly mentally and emotionally.

idk how far away your family is, but mine is a 4hr drive away. its been years of me putting my foot down but he seems to be finely getting it, not happily though.
cant he get welfare or whatever its called locally?

Mine is like 14 hours drive. But they are poor and don't have the resources to help me even if they wanted too. The emotional abuse has been so destructive to my identity. He is constantly criticizing everything I do and I am such a people pleaser. He has been violent but not towards me more breaking stuff. And if I try to discuss separating the abuse gets worse.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Mine is like 14 hours drive. But they are poor and don't have the resources to help me even if they wanted too. The emotional abuse has been so destructive to my identity. He is constantly criticizing everything I do and I am such a people pleaser. He has been violent but not towards me more breaking stuff. And if I try to discuss separating the abuse gets worse.

whats wrong with the shelter option?

 

[Hollowillow]

He has no family. They are all dead.

I appreciate the advice but kicking someone out is not as easy as it sounds. I would have to evict him and then we would still have to live together for however long that is. I live in a HCOL city so even though I do well it's not enough to escape from him. I can't get another place until the end of our lease. I'm just not smart enough to figure out how to leave him.

I get it... I have no idea how I am going to get out either. I haven't completely lost hope yet but it's gotten grim. I would love to hear stories from other women who have ended abusive relationships without moving into a shelter

He's killing you. Let him die.

His name is on the lease but he doesn't pay the rent? Explain it to the landlord. That you want to kick him out and you'll pay it all. Go to the court for homes to evict him, saying that you feel unsafe. At the very least kick him out of the bed! And just change the keys with the landlord permission maybe.

Call the court home pkace thing to know the protocol to evict him.

Scream get out everytime he insults you. Call the cops.

Don't cook for him, no bed, no sex.

For crying out loud, fuck being polite, you're literally letting him kill you GET BACK YOUR LIFE, BODY & MIND!

Everytime he asks for anything say no. Like he's the bed bug sucking your blood ir a dog shitting on the carpet.

No. Fucking. Pity. Not for violent people who make you wish you were dead!

You have the power.

Break the lease & find someine else to rent.

He's not your problem. Don't ket him be.
Emotional violenve is still violence & the stress literally damages your vital organs & can kill you. I'm not kidding! I'm a cripple because of relentless traumas.
Emotional violenve is still violence & the stress literally damages your vital organs & can kill you. I'm not kidding! I'm a cripple because of relentless traumas.

 

[readyspaghetti]

whats wrong with the shelter option?

I have a high profile job. It wouldnt be possible to work from there. I think another option is temporary housing like an airbnb or renting but it starts to get really costly quickly.

 

[Life_and_Death]

I have a high profile job. It wouldnt be possible to work from there. I think another option is temporary housing like an airbnb or renting but it starts to get really costly quickly.

i know people have stayed in a cheap motel. sometimes they even offer monthly rent vs the typical nightly

 

[Hollowillow]

Mine is like 14 hours drive. But they are poor and don't have the resources to help me even if they wanted too. The emotional abuse has been so destructive to my identity. He is constantly criticizing everything I do and I am such a people pleaser. He has been violent but not towards me more breaking stuff. And if I try to discuss separating the abuse gets worse.

When he breaks stuff call the cops and say you're scared he'll kill you. He could. They will come & the report will help evict him.

*Seething murderous rage* unleash the SI... i had a violent fiancé. Took 6 months but he hurt me physically.

Don't wait to be killed or suicided
Of course the intimidation will get worse if you say no & break free. Get ANGRY! SCREAM! BREAK THINGS BACK! TELL HIM TO GET OUT!

It takes will to kill. Not muscles. Let the fire burn. They're cowards.

Get rid of him. Don't oay the appartment, just nope away if you have to. But evict him! He's the cockroach. Tell the landlord. Maybe it's a nice lady who was beaten and will drag him out by the balls.

FIGHT FOR YOUR LIFE!

Only please YOU!

Please don't kill yourself for this thurd. He's the rat.

 

[Someone123]

I think there can be steps worth taking to try to get out- maybe talk to your landlord, if you can trust them, and explain why you may need to leave soon, and can they work with you on this by tryng to rent ther place out quickly? Can you get another job a while away, -possibly, and sneak awway when the time is right? You deserve to be treated decently.

 

[madiroze]

I lived with a man who emotionally abused me for a year. This man is also the love of my life and the only man I've ever loved so it was VERY difficult for me to leave the relationship but I was so lost and drained being with him, I knew my survival depended on it.

When we used to have disagreements he would call me "a f***king c**t" and would often start arguments in the car while driving on the highway as he knew I could not just walk out the door. He had road rage issues and would speed after other cars down the highway and drive up beside them making throat-slitting actions with his hands. He would also flirt with other women on Youtube livestreams and when I once asked him to stop this, he screamed "oh just Shut Up!" from the other room. He also preferred to play video games in the early hours of the morning and when I would wake up at 7 am he was still totally enamoured by his PC screen. In the whole 1 year of being together, we slept in separate bedrooms because he was a snorer and I can't recall more than twice when we had a passionate kiss. In the first few months after I moved in, I would come up to him and hug or try kiss him but he would tell me I was being too much and basically reject any of my advances so I stopped initiating affection. The only time we would have sex was when he wanted to. And towards the end of the relationship when I felt emotionally cold and distant towards him, I expressed to him that I had no desire to have sex with him anymore. Weirdly, this was actually a turn on for him and then he wanted to have sex more frequently resulting in my accidental pregnancy.

Without falling pregnant, I never would have had the courage to leave him. At the time I was living in a small town in Alberta, Canada on a 1 year Visitor's Visa from the UK. I could not work and had no access to free medical care which I did have back home in the UK. The only way I could remain in Canada was if he sponsored me but there was never any discussion about this until I raised the issue a few months before I left. His reply to my uncertain predicament was that I would have to find a way to remain in Canada by myself. He had no intention to help me. I cannot tell you how alone this made me feel, as if this man who I still adored but who was hurting me so much, was someone I could never rely on or even cared about my future. So when I fell pregnant, he made me feel even more alone by insisting I have an abortion since, according to him, I was too mentally unstable and my body could never carry a child to full term.

Despite all this, I still love this man like no other. 8 months later I pine for him more than ever. But I know he is no good for me and I am no good for him.

 

[readyspaghetti]

I lived with a man who emotionally abused me for a year. This man is also the love of my life and the only man I've ever loved so it was VERY difficult for me to leave the relationship but I was so lost and drained being with him, I knew my survival depended on it.

When we used to have disagreements he would call me "a f***king c**t" and would often start arguments in the car while driving on the highway as he knew I could not just walk out the door. He had road rage issues and would speed after other cars down the highway and drive up beside them making throat-slitting actions with his hands. He would also flirt with other women on Youtube livestreams and when I once asked him to stop this, he screamed "oh just Shut Up!" from the other room. He also preferred to play video games in the early hours of the morning and when I would wake up at 7 am he was still totally enamoured by his PC screen. In the whole 1 year of being together, we slept in separate bedrooms because he was a snorer and I can't recall more than twice when we had a passionate kiss. In the first few months after I moved in, I would come up to him and hug or try kiss him but he would tell me I was being too much and basically reject any of my advances so I stopped initiating affection. The only time we would have sex was when he wanted to. And towards the end of the relationship when I felt emotionally cold and distant towards him, I expressed to him that I had no desire to have sex with him anymore. Weirdly, this was actually a turn on for him and then he wanted to have sex more frequently resulting in my accidental pregnancy.

Without falling pregnant, I never would have had the courage to leave him. At the time I was living in a small town in Alberta, Canada on a 1 year Visitor's Visa from the UK. I could not work and had no access to free medical care which I did have back home in the UK. The only way I could remain in Canada was if he sponsored me but there was never any discussion about this until I raised the issue a few months before I left. His reply to my uncertain predicament was that I would have to find a way to remain in Canada by myself. He had no intention to help me. I cannot tell you how alone this made me feel, as if this man who I still adored but who was hurting me so much, was someone I could never rely on or even cared about my future. So when I fell pregnant, he made me feel even more alone by insisting I have an abortion since, according to him, I was too mentally unstable and my body could never carry a child to full term.

Despite all this, I still love this man like no other. 8 months later I pine for him more than ever. But I know he is no good for me and I am no good for him.

Thank you for sharing... this gives me hope. I know others can do it and one day I can too

 

[Brokensaddle]

Anyone else in an emotionally abusive relationship?

I feel like I would do better leaving the relationship but I don't know how to end things. I keep trying to break up but he's financially dependent on me. We live together and neither of us have family close by so separating is logistically and financially hard on both of us. I don't know what to do.

It's really tough situation. I'm currently in the same boat with my mum and sister. Best advice I can give is reach out to your local gp maybe they sign post you to local organisations that deals with domestic violence issues. Who may be able to provide help. You cal also try and reek refugee at a shelter. I think at point you'll know what best for you because everyone has a breaking point when they can't take the pain or stress any more. If you ever need to chat or vent I'm here to listen

 

[onlyanimalsaregood]

I was in the same boat but he didn't care and put me and my cat on the street without blinking. And I lost my job in the same week. I understand that is hard for you to do that to him and I couldn't never do it as well to someone, at least not the way that it was done to me, but think if was the other way around… People can be really disappointing. I wish you the best.

 

[indigomoon]

I know you've gotten a lot of advice here but here's my two cent worth. First off, you should not have to be subjected to any type of abuse, physical or emotional. You deserve more than that. Second, he is not your responsibility. Whether he can support himself or not is not your problem. You look after yourself and make sure that your needs are taken care of. Third, is that emotional abuse can often lead to physical abuse and that is a big no. Do yourself a favor and leave him. Which brings me to my last point. Check with your leasing office and see what is in your lease about breaking it early. What are the penalties? Are there certain circumstances in which you can break it? In my state, if there is any type of abuse you can leave your lease early. Even if there is a second name attached to the lease. The rent becomes their responsibility until they decide to move. I truly wish you the best. I hope you can see by everyone's reaction here that you really need to go. It will not be easy by any means but it is what is best for you. Lean on us here if you need support. Sending hugs and love your way.

 

[Cerulea]

Anyone else in an emotionally abusive relationship?

I feel like I would do better leaving the relationship but I don't know how to end things. I keep trying to break up but he's financially dependent on me. We live together and neither of us have family close by so separating is logistically and financially hard on both of us. I don't know what to do.

I am so abundantly sorry to hear this. This kind of trauma is excruciating. I did this song and dance with my ex for 18 years. It was a waking nightmare. I left a few months ago and they had my replacement lined up before I moved out. It stings but it was bound to happen.

This is a deeply personal choice that will require determination and strength the likes of which I can't articulate. Especially after extended periods of this dynamic, we lose the ability to love ourselves and our partner in equal measure at the same time. We have the capacity for one. And we end up more entrenched and it becomes more difficult to leave. When my ex and I were rapidly growing apart, I had friends and goals that made me realize I wasn't the monster they made me out to be. I could be successful, accomplished, and have a strong support network. But daily negative reinforcement keep my under their heels.

There's no magic answer, unfortunately. You'll have to hurt one of you to get out. Either financially, emotionally, or mentally. Sort of a it-gets-worse-before-it-gets-better type of deal.

Sending you all the strength I can muster. You don't deserve this. No one does.

 

[Life_and_Death]

Sort of a it-gets-worse-before-it-gets-better type of deal.

im going through a lot of stress thinking about my move coming up. it does feel a lot worse, but the grass seems greener on the other side. i wont know unless i check and if im wrong suicide is still there.

i relate to this song a lot right now, idk if itll help but it might. wont know unless i share it...

 

[Cerulea]

im going through a lot of stress thinking about my move coming up. it does feel a lot worse, but the grass seems greener on the other side. i wont know unless i check and if im wrong suicide is still there.

i relate to this song a lot right now, idk if itll help but it might. wont know unless i share it...

Between The Middle and Sweetness, Jimmy Eat World has definitely added some minutes to my life.

You owe it yourself to invest in your life this way. It IS hard, people are full of rubbish when they say it isn't. But with enough grit and moments to recover, I think you can get where you want to be. Keep going.