Venting Effects of suicide on parents

[SighCry]

My parents are really the only thing keeping me alive right now. Not my friends, not my half-sister, not my partner - just my parents. They are in their mid 70s so I remind myself that if I die they may only have 10-15 years without me, but it's hard. I'm technically an only child and the other day mum said she was talking to a friend about the fact she only has one child, and she said to that friend "But if you were only going to have one, she is the one you would want to have". I cried when she said that cause I know they will never be okay without me and they would never forgive themselves, but I just don't know how I'm going to survive the next 2-3 months like I really do not know. Thanks for reading.

 

[ritahaddad]

I mean you seem like u have supportive parents (but im not sure cuz i obv dont know you) so have u thought as a last resort to tell them what you are going through? if not why not? do you think their reaction to the news would be worse than the reaction of finding out you died?

 

[devils~advocate]

I understand, I have the same situation.
I have a spouse, but my family is the only reason that is keeping me alive. They are elderly as well.
They love me and care for me more than I have gotten from someone else.
All I have received from others is betrayal, infidelity, emotional abuse, etc
I think about what my action will do to them....I feel grief for my family everyday.

They have an idea of what I am going through with my spouse etc.
I think they feel that everyone goes through things like this.
I can't go into detail with them about specifics. There is no other solution other than what I must do.

 

[slapntickle]

I'm in a similar situation, although it sounds like the OPs parents are more supportive and loving than mine are.

Although it might not be popular, I would say that if there's any way you can hang on for them to die, try and do it. Being a father myself, the thought of my child doing anything to themselves is indescribably painful. Like seriously, I cannot begin to articulate the level of pain that I would feel if that were to ever happen (in my case very unlikely as I'll be gone before they get old enough to even consider something like that). If it's just 10 years more, you have plenty of time to CBT after that if you still want to. Try and talk to them about what you're going through. Based on your mum's comment, it sounds like she might understand, offer help etc. Maybe make a 10 year plan and if it doesn't work, you can always CBT after they're gone.

My parents are already in mid-late 70s and so are staring death somewhat squarely in the face, even if it won't be tomorrow or next year. If I do have to CBT before they die, I'll at least know they won't have long to go, although that is a sad existence living out your last years on earth with a dead child. The only thing that one can really do is reassue them in a note or message that they're not to blame, and that the outcome was inevitable.

 

[SighCry]

I mean you seem like u have supportive parents (but im not sure cuz i obv dont know you) so have u thought as a last resort to tell them what you are going through? if not why not? do you think their reaction to the news would be worse than the reaction of finding out you died?

Thank you for reading. They are supportive. They knew I was suicidal a few months ago but think I'm okay at the moment. I can't go into detail but I will need an out likely within the next 2-3 months, there isn't really a way around it.

 

[ritahaddad]

Thank you for reading. They are supportive. They knew I was suicidal a few months ago but think I'm okay at the moment. I can't go into detail but I will need an out likely within the next 2-3 months, there isn't really a way around it.

well then ig so. believe me ik what u mean when u say there is no way around it, i for one self sabotaged my life to the point of no return so i dont have any other option but to ctb. good ;uck to both of us

 

[devils~advocate]

I too have empathy.
Understand the emotional pain of thinking about all this.
My parents are elderly as well and have seen many of their siblings, relatives, etc pass away.
Its not the same in regards to a child, but I feel that I have no choice as well.
My friend whom I would confide what was going on in my life, passed away this past January, unexpectedly.
I already had my plan years before this, but it only added to my resolve to do this.

Ive let things and decisions in my life happen......nothing got better and it all festered to the point I can't take it anymore.
Even if I could get away, the way the world works, I could never leave it entirely. I would have to pay to live.
And I can't do that, I have more dignity for myself and my families honor to do that.

 

[Jadeith]

Being a father myself, the thought of my child doing anything to themselves is indescribably painful. Like seriously, I cannot begin to articulate the level of pain that I would feel if that were to ever happen

This. My parents do not deserve to bury their own child. That's one of 2 main reasons i'm still here. They are sweet people and do not deserve to suffer because of me and my decisions.

 

[SighCry]

I understand, I have the same situation.
I have a spouse, but my family is the only reason that is keeping me alive. They are elderly as well.
They love me and care for me more than I have gotten from someone else.
All I have received from others is betrayal, infidelity, emotional abuse, etc
I think about what my action will do to them....I feel grief for my family everyday.

They have an idea of what I am going through with my spouse etc.
I think they feel that everyone goes through things like this.
I can't go into detail with them about specifics. There is no other solution other than what I must do.

Yeah, we're one of the lucky ones, not everyone gets parents that care so deeply. They really did their best. I'm not sure what you're going through but can you get any support with the spouse situation, is there really no other option?

 

[devils~advocate]

Yeah, we're one of the lucky ones, not everyone gets parents that care so deeply. They really did their best. I'm not sure what you're going through but can you get any support with the spouse situation, is there really no other option?

My spouse is one of the main reasons that I am doing this.
I have been thru so much with them over 20 years......their infidelity, lies, irresponsibility, disrespect for my family, etc
We dont have children together, if we did, I would stick around.
Its a long story and I dont want to hijack anothers thread
But involves my spouse doing horrible things, them refusing contact with my family, etc.
I should have left a long time ago, but I didnt know what to do at the time. I was frozen emotionally at the time....and for years afterwards.
Making no decision is still a decision.....Ive had to live with it and its affected my family as well.
They deserved a child that wouldnt put them thru all this.