Dying won't make people regret how they treated you or magically appreciate you or attempt to understand you

[Exhausted546]

They'll just push their narrative and it'll be treated as the ultimate truth. There's nobody that will defend your memory/honor after death, you'll quickly be forgotten by most and the ones who do love you and did hurt from your death will start taking solace when you cross their mind less and less, they'll have to let go in order to move on and survive

Ironically enough, despite knowing all that, I still choose to ctb, it's not really any different from my reality beside the fact that I won't be struggling or be there to endure humiliation anymore. Personally,this is just a cursed timeline that can't be salvaged anymore. I'm exhausted and throw the towel.

 

[Aknu132]

I agree 100% with you.

 

[Scaredycat]

Mostly shock factor, but yeah, you wont be there to watch peoples reactions. this frightens me sometimes, but I'm sure I wont care if i reach my breaking point.

 

[DeathfulEnd]

This is the whole truth!

 

[peacebenow]

I grapple with this constantly. And so very much so right now. I loathe false narratives and that they won't stop after i am gone. And not being here to defend myself makes me livid. But I've fought tooth and nail for true narratives and winning isn't allowed when narcissism and denialism is at play. The thing is we always know our truth. And we will be gone so the fight is over. And maybe it was already over when life was sucked out of us and our peace became essential.

 

[ceilng_tile]

This is the part that makes me the angriest. Sometimes it feels like a violent death is the only way to make people hear me. But I also know that it probably won't work for more than five minutes and then they'll just go back to the narrative that I was just too unstable and beyond help, not that their "help" was the source of my trauma in the first place.

 

[inpainnosleep]

I grapple with this constantly. And so very much so right now. I loathe false narratives and that they won't stop after i am gone. And not being here to defend myself makes me livid. But I've fought tooth and nail for true narratives and winning isn't allowed when narcissism and denialism is at play. The thing is we always know our truth. And we will be gone so the fight is over. And maybe it was already over when life was sucked out of us and our peace became essential.

I wanted to write something about this topic, but this is pretty much what I wanted to write out to a t. Even with everything I'm struggling with right now, my parents still think I had/have an easy life and that I was always the problem and that they were wonderful parents, especially my mom. Regardless of how much I try to explain what and why things went wrong. The main reason my mother got a little more active in my current problems is because her extended family started to sound the alarm that I'm suicidaly depressed, even though depression is not even my main problem.

 

[Bishop]

One shouldn't think of exiting for them, it's about doing it for yourself. Your body your choice.

 

[windowinstaller]

This is the part that makes me the angriest. Sometimes it feels like a violent death is the only way to make people hear me. But I also know that it probably won't work for more than five minutes and then they'll just go back to the narrative that I was just too unstable and beyond help, not that their "help" was the source of my trauma in the first place.

Was their "help" just forcing you to take meds that ruined your life too.

 

[X-sanguinate86]

Most people are mostly garbage and they construct a reality that suits their garbage needs. Today I had to step outside and deal with other humans and it was another horrible experience. They all just care about being able to tell a story that places them in a flattering position somehow, mainly by claiming superiority over others in various competitions. They take pleasure in other people's misfortune and suffering because it reassures them that they are better off and in their minds, intrinsically superior, no matter how delusional. As long as the delusion can be sustained they go with it.

 

[SASU-KE]

Dying will make people talk about you for a few minutes and then move on. It happens every day.

 

[iwkmsssb]

it sucks that life will still go on even after ctb, maybe it's selfish of me for wanting the people around me to stay stuck on me for the rest of their lives. for not seeing or hearing me all these years. but they will move on eventually and i will only be a memory. i can only do it for myself.

 

[Oiled Sandwich]

I understand how you feel. No one even knows the real me anyway, so I couldn't care less if they make up whatever narrative they want after I ctb. All I know is I want to not exist so I don't have to lie to everyone by continuously code switching. Masks get old.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Do you think this is a motive for some people to suicide in the first place? In the hopes that people will finally take an interest in and appreciate them? But then- they very well may not get to witness it (depending on whether there is an afterlife) so- why is it even valuable? Although, I can understand the frustration at the thought that people will continue to spin their own narratives.

I'm not sure in all cases. Some people seem to become obsessed with loved ones who suicided. Although, it probably varies- just how accurately they remember them and seek to live according to their wishes.

Again though- it does tend to make me wonder- did they care that much when they were alive? Surely- that was the more useful time to care. It's ironic that some people will end up more cared about after they are dead and can't benefit from it. Again- according to beliefs.

I guess it also depends what we hope for. Do we actually want to devastate our loved ones? So they are never able to move on and live their own lives? It would be nice to be remembered fondly but to think our actions may dominate a loved one's thoughts forever more isn't exactly reassuring.