Dumb optimism keeps me going sometimes

[ForestGhost]

I think the thing that keeps me going the most is this fantasy that one day I'll just be able to look back at these miserable chapters of my life and feel like it was all just a hazy dream. No more psych meds, no more rotting in my own filth, no more self harm; I'll just wake up every day and feel happy to be alive because I figured "it" out.

The thing that makes it feel so naive is that I have no idea what "it" even is anymore. There have been different "it"s throughout various periods of my life, but the goal posts always end up moving when I get there. Now I can't even pretend that I have an idea of what that target looks like. There's no plan at all. I'm just daydreaming about the finish line without any sense of what it is or what I need to do to get there.

Still, at least for today, the dream persists...

 

[Warlord's Pulse]

Sometimes I also have these thoughts
If keeps you going, and you want it, so be it

And yeah, now I'm fighting without a proper goal, but whatever. It's objectively better to be healthy and wealthy

 

[SpiteHoldsMeAloft]

I feel like dumb optimism and blissful ignorance is what keeps most of the human race going, they were just blessed with more of it than we can ever hope to have. I could not imagine getting up every day and going to work happy without thoughts of deaths inevitably and the pointlessness of everything weighing me down. How I envy them…

 

[altkey]

Yeah, I could be heavily depressed one hour and then get a burst of optimism the next, but it never lasts

 

[macabre.]

Yeah, I could be heavily depressed one hour and then get a burst of optimism the next, but it never lasts

I'm like that with my bpd, it fucking sucks. Or when someone gives u false hope and encourages you to look forward to the future. It always ends up bad and u know it

 

[altkey]

I'm like that with my bpd, it fucking sucks. Or when someone gives u false hope and encourages you to look forward to the future. It always ends up bad and u know it

With the way I have constant mood swings I'm starting to suspect that I may have bpd, but I will just hope that I do not

 

[roadkill111]

I think the thing that keeps me going the most is this fantasy that one day I'll just be able to look back at these miserable chapters of my life and feel like it was all just a hazy dream. No more psych meds, no more rotting in my own filth, no more self harm; I'll just wake up every day and feel happy to be alive because I figured "it" out.

The thing that makes it feel so naive is that I have no idea what "it" even is anymore. There have been different "it"s throughout various periods of my life, but the goal posts always end up moving when I get there. Now I can't even pretend that I have an idea of what that target looks like. There's no plan at all. I'm just daydreaming about the finish line without any sense of what it is or what I need to do to get there.

Still, at least for today, the dream persists...

Hm