Venting Drunken rambeling

[Lazy]

I'm once again drunk and alone so sorry if this is somewhat incomprihensible but I just have a strong desire to speak currently so here I am.
It's so hard to bear the lonlieness, I just desire some kind of humen contact/touch, just the knowledge that someone that cares about me would be enought. I just feel so alone, from most itroverts/socially anctious people I've heard they are better at talking when under the influence but I just returned form a party and all the time while there, all I could do was answer simple questions and wish for death. I even belive by urge to ctb is stronger when druck and I hate it.
Just once I want to have a break from the constant self doubt and wish to ctb. There is noone I can talk to, no one I can hug, nothing. I just feel so alone and it's tearing me appart. Ican't even ctb because the image of my mother crying hurts me to much. I really don't know how to deal with anything anymore, I always try to give everything I have and noone seems to notice. Not like I expect anything in return but the knowledge that no one, not a singel soup of those I thought to be my friends, those I am ready to give anything for even cares to once ask how I am doing is killing me. This is pathetic yes but if I wouldnt post theis knoww I probbalby wouldnt at all, my brain is like that.
I'm sorry if you have taken the time to read this I didn't mean to waste it sorry.

 

[HeinzKell]

You may be by yourself, but you're not alone. Millions are sharing your pain and suffering right now for the reasons you experience it. I don't know if this gives you any sort of comfort, but just remember that you're still a human and what you're feeling is natural