Venting drunk in my bathtub feeling hopeless

[kenma0]

drinking orange flavored smirnoff. can drink straight from the bottle, i thank my eastern european genes haha.

i just want to stick my head under the water and drown. but i know i cant. i wouldnt be able to. im just crying and crying anf crying. i miss you. i miss everything about you but i fucking Hate you at the same time. i havent been ok in motnhs. i really thinj desth would just be easier than whatever im doing.

i found DMC. i want to order it and just get it over with, but im so broke. im too broke to fucking DIE LMFAO. im pathetic. i have no one and i miss you, but you used me for "fun" and now someone else gets all your real love. i just want to drink my sorrows away. i wish alcohol would kill me. i wish i god would just kill me instantly, then i dont have to exist in the same life as you.

i want to hate you but i want you to love me more... i hate myself. i hate existing. i hate existing wihout you more.

has anyone here ever been hurt by someone they love with all their heart? what do i do... what do i do to escape this feeling besides buying poison and cathcing the bus?

 

[Mirrory Me]

Yea, it can hurt for a awhile, but it will cool off eventually. It can be depressing if you keep constantly thinking about her, ruminating while she has moved on- if you can connect with other people rather than just spending time alone there, right?

 

[kenma0]

Yea, it can hurt for a awhile, but it will cool off eventually. It can be depressing if you keep constantly thinking about her, ruminating while she has moved on- if you can connect with other people rather than just spending time alone there, right?

its my ex boyfriend haha. he lives in my mind. i cant enjoy music, food, activities withoit thnking how much i wish he was there. we did everything together, and now i have to do it all alone. i hate it. i dont eant to connect with other people. i cant trust other people. im afraid ill be used and left behind.

 

[LukaParrot]

I really know that what i'm gonna say feels like a lie, a bad joke but time will heal your pain, not tomorrow, not in a week, my take some months or year for you to open yourself to allow loving and caring again for another person.

Dont be like me, a sad bitter old person that close his heart and now have to live with that. Time flies... be good to yourself.

 

[Anon_Guy]

Can't really relate with what you're going thought but whatever happens next, I wish you you'll be satisfied while doing it.

 

[kenma0]

I really know that what i'm gonna say feels like a lie, a bad joke but time will heal your pain, not tomorrow, not in a week, my take some months or year for you to open yourself to allow loving and caring again for another person.

Dont be like me, a sad bitter old person that close his heart and now have to live with that. Time flies... be good to yourself.

thank you. i feel bitter. everyone says time heals everything. and maybe thats true, but i just wish and wish and wish i had him in my life. to experience time with. im afraid of growing old and alone, i want a family. but i cant trust anyone. and it sucks. thank you for your kind words.

 

[Anon_Guy]

thank you. i feel bitter. everyone says time heals everything. and maybe thats true, but i just wish and wish and wish i had him in my life. to experience time with. im afraid of growing old and alone, i want a family. but i cant trust anyone. and it sucks. thank you for your kind words.

I too wish I could start a family, but I did too many bad choices and I've grown up into such a bad person, I think this life I wished for is not something I can have anymore. I hope you'll take decisions that will make you happy.

 

[kenma0]

I too wish I could start a family, but I did too many bad choices and I've grown up in such a bad person, I think this life I wished for is not something I can have anymore. I hope you'll take decisions that will make you happy.

i hope one day you get to. i dont know your situation but i really hope you do. everyone deserves everything they want in life and even if youre a "bad person" the first step to healing is recognizing you have growing to do. i hope youre happy one day too. thank you for your kind words