Drowning-vent- severe cfs/ me(bed/ house bound can’t do anything) ptsd, dPDR, did, anxiety- used to be healthy and happy- narcissistic abuse caused it

[summa_tyme2224]

I feel like I'm drowning in life. In every sense of the word. I take one step forward and ten steps back. I'm not depressed. So much has happened it's just too much. I feel trapped in my life by my chronic illness which has been caused by a line of narcissistic abuse.

I feel like I've turned into a narcissist. I hate the people who did this to me. The amount of rage I have towards them is not healthy.

One of them is my father who I cannot cut out of my life bc I'm too fucking sick to be financially independent.

I hate this shit. I hate with every fiber of my being every single person who has contributed to this.

I used to be a happy life loving person. Positive and the person who could help others. Now I can't even help myself.

I feel like I've lost my soul. I feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle everyday.

I try so god damn fucking hard to improve my life and just when things are improving something else happens.

I can't take it.

It's not fair.

I'm so tired of feeling like this.

 

[lizzywizzy09]

I know the feeling. I'm too distraught by my own pain at the moment to express more than that but I know the feeling. I just fucking wish I could fix it but I can't.