Help drowning as method, but I need to accept it

[curiousbeing]

Every night I sleep, I know i will wake up. This is habit. ordinary, natural

what makes me feel scared is death. it's a lot like anesthesia or deep sleep. But... I dont know how to explain myself... I fear a lot that I will go to sleep, and, what if I will wake up in somewhere else (afterlife)? I don't mean like i will wake up at hell. Even if I will wake up in some good realm, it's still frightening for me. this is irrational but scary for me. How can i find peace?

i was fairly good person, helping others, volunteering to save street dogs, etc. I know a lot about religion, spirituality, good near death experiences, bad near death experiences describing void, total helplessness etc But this alone doesn't calm me.

 

[oooops]

i felt that so much, i really hope an afterlife doesn't exist otherwise i've just gone through all this suicide bullshit for nothing, i don't want to exist at all whether i'm the happiest i'll ever be or not i don't care, i just want to go to sleep