I took a nap for almost the whole day. I had a wonderful dream that I was hit by a car. I could hear my spine break, and even see my blood spatter across the windshield. It felt so freeing, like everything was finally going to end. Unfortunately, I woke up.
I always hate having dreams like these, they really make upset about not being dead already. Does anyone else have dreams like this?
yes, i even had a lucid dream once too, i slowly noticed i was dreaming and i thought about ctb. im not sure how, but as soon as i thought about that i was seeing myself on a small boat, floating in the ocean, i felt peaceful and had a silverish bottle next to me. i thought about life and how bad things have gone, leading me to this situation. i cried and clearly saw that i must do it,. i rarely had such clarity, i was knowing all was fine i have tried it so often, life has lead me to this and it was absolutely justified to feel that way..
so i intuitively grabbed the bottle and slowly felt its effect on me.. it felt realer than real. at some point i was convinced this dream must be real.
i couldn't believe im finally doing it. i remember myself slowly sinking, the weird thing was i could breathe underwater, i tried to stop breathing and i felt very euphoric. i felt lighter and lighter, as if tons of weights, being attached to each cell of my body, slowly getting pulled of.. it was ne of my favourite dreams, since this strange experience, my obsession with death started to begin i think.
maybe i should study more on lucid dreaming, maybe this can be helpful in some way accepting death.
when i found a good way on how to induce lucid dreams i will post it in the offtopic section:)
