MoonlitNight
bad at putting emotions into words
- Feb 14, 2023
- 112
There seems to be a connection between those three. I try to get something started, at some point I feel like it's not worth going through and how the future is gonna stab me in the back. I end up not being able to finish the work, making no progress then getting hateful thoughts about myself and the future. And it goes on..
I just can't get off the bed or off of games to get my mind off stress. Im the oldest in my family so they expect me to kickstart everything. The thought of having the responsibility to care for my elderly parents as the oldest makes me want to disappear right away, never grow up. (still a student, we dont move out unless we're married here)
I've tried so hard to imagine myself being successful living a fulfilling life, but the only factor is that I have to take care of them and it's enough to stop all my progress. They drain me mentally and emotionally so fucking much. And if I refuse my reputation immediately goes down as I'm born into a culture (85% christians) where absolute obediance of kids to parents (as well as wife to husband) are a thing. The thought of getting married scares me so much even though I know I have a loving partner.
I have an major exam coming up and I just cannot bring myself to start studying for it. My mind looks for a distraction as soon as it can.
I have so much on mind right now i don't know how to word it. maybe I'll keep editing this or my replies. I dont know whether to ask for suggestions since I know at one point i wont be able to work my way through anyway.
Im just here, have no hope in life but too scared to die for fear of an afterlife. Drifting away lost while everyone else progresses while being reminded constantly by my parents about how unwanted and imperfect I am.
Mostly my father more than my mother. But she never stands up for me. He's so short tempered with me and they're watching. They wont stand up for me. Im either beaten or told to shut up if i try to defend myself. Im alone. I hate my family. I want to cut them out of my life. It's demotivating. I can't escape them im not allowed out im not allowed on any social media im not allowed to compare our family to others though they can somehow compare me with other successful young adults.
I just can't get off the bed or off of games to get my mind off stress. Im the oldest in my family so they expect me to kickstart everything. The thought of having the responsibility to care for my elderly parents as the oldest makes me want to disappear right away, never grow up. (still a student, we dont move out unless we're married here)
I've tried so hard to imagine myself being successful living a fulfilling life, but the only factor is that I have to take care of them and it's enough to stop all my progress. They drain me mentally and emotionally so fucking much. And if I refuse my reputation immediately goes down as I'm born into a culture (85% christians) where absolute obediance of kids to parents (as well as wife to husband) are a thing. The thought of getting married scares me so much even though I know I have a loving partner.
I have an major exam coming up and I just cannot bring myself to start studying for it. My mind looks for a distraction as soon as it can.
I have so much on mind right now i don't know how to word it. maybe I'll keep editing this or my replies. I dont know whether to ask for suggestions since I know at one point i wont be able to work my way through anyway.
Im just here, have no hope in life but too scared to die for fear of an afterlife. Drifting away lost while everyone else progresses while being reminded constantly by my parents about how unwanted and imperfect I am.
Mostly my father more than my mother. But she never stands up for me. He's so short tempered with me and they're watching. They wont stand up for me. Im either beaten or told to shut up if i try to defend myself. Im alone. I hate my family. I want to cut them out of my life. It's demotivating. I can't escape them im not allowed out im not allowed on any social media im not allowed to compare our family to others though they can somehow compare me with other successful young adults.
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