Actually I have thought about that here and there. It just pops into my mind sometimes, because I was bullied a lot and a lot of people hate me and probably still think about me, even 12 years later. And I've known a lot of people who have died from other causes, and you know the saying "wow she's still alive"?, well that's what makes me think about how I'm probably infuriating my haters because I'm actually still alive! After all this time, somehow I managed to still make it, even by being a "big dirty ugly cokehead skank whore" (their words), miraculously I survived LOL /s ...because somehow being a dirty ugly cokehead whore makes you susceptible to non existence...hmm. Yeah I grew up with really dumb people, like the people I live around are like the dumbest humans I've ever met. This is why I have zero friends and social life, because I can't relate to anyone in my town. It's so cringey and embarrassing thinking about all the people I went to school with and was friends with, I wish I grew up around super cool and interesting and intelligent people like those who exist in literally every other part of the world, for some strange reason my town is so fucked up, there is even a reputation about it and even people from other parts of the country know about how fucked up my town is, it's a running joke that's been going around for decades.
But anyway, yeah it's a totally stupid reason. I really don't care what anyone thinks. I do know that a HUGE burden will be lifted off my family and they will be way better off, especially my mom, she will be so free and have 1 less thing to worry about and she can focus on my sister and finally know that I'm safe and taken care of, and she will finally be able to have more money (the only thing she cares about, she made that clear to me when I was 5 years old).
