Venting Don't Wanna Live; Too Scared to Die

[WhatMightHaveBeen]

My hopeless financial and existential situations haven't improved and are, in fact, getting worse, but I just don't feel like CTB anymore. I don't even feel like "going to sleep and just never waking up." It's freaking me out and I'm feeling frantic. Don't want to face life, but afraid to die.

Maybe I need Russia to invade the U.S. or another NATO country or China to invade Taiwan or some other blatant WW3 event to push me over the edge. Honestly, I think if I could have some overt move like that happen, I'd have the courage to escape my family and attempt to buy opioids on the street, guaranteeing eviction and homelessness, and risking arrest. For now I'm just a coward in limbo.

 

[Roseate]

I'm sorry, that sounds awful. Financial stress is a huge burden. Have you looked at all your options? Maybe some shelters and applying places? I don't know your situation but figured advice can't hurt.

 

[rx2k]

extremely felt. i cannot bring myself to actually end it but i also dont want to continue on. im always wishing for a disaster to occur and for me to be affected so i dont have to carry the weight of knowing i died, on purpose, aware that i did that to myself.. i have been feeling that way for almost a decade.

as freaky as it feels its totally normal to feel that way, hopefully they wont stick to you longer than wanted. i hope you are okay and hope you find out what you may really want to do while having thoughts like this.