Don't wanna live but uncomfortable with thought of dying

[MiMif]

I want to die...I've been wanting to die for two years. I don't want to live I know that much. However when I think of dying recently idk but I just feel disappointed. Like I've lived all these years almost two decades and it just ends like that.

So boring and pointless not leaving a mark at all. I do want to die and as a matter of fact I have 0 will to live. Maybe I'm just not ready to ctb yet. I think about dying 24/7 and imagine myself hanging.

But recently when I imagine myself in grey scenarios (being stabbed, ripped open , eaten) I cringe instead of enjoying it like I used to. And despite still fantasizing about death when I look at the resource page I just get a bit uncomfortable with those things happening to me.

I don't think I'm quite ready to die yet and it makes me sad

 

[thewalkingdread]

It sucks...

I don't want to live. But I also don't really want to die. The feeling is of being stuck between a rock and a hard place...