Almost 1 hour looking at the ceiling in the dark only thinking about ctb and nothing else. Thinking "I'm so done with life". Then I had images of my family crying because of my dead. I had to get up. I went to the kitchen to make a cup of tea and my mind told me that I was a coward who doesn't want to fight for living: "what kind of man are you". Now here trying to relax a bit. I don't know what to do I'm stuck. There's a part of me that wants to do the some things to improve but I don't have the energy anymore. There's an intense battle inside my head. I'm not in the pshysical conditions to go on with life. I'm more prone to ctb idea than to keep on living.
Taki
Specialist
- Jul 30, 2019
- 319
Chronic pain. Not thinking about ctb is to ignore my reality. Just as simple as that
I'm kind of going through the same thing, I had so much fucking energy over the past 2 weeks. I did absolutely nothing though but it was a big step from not feeling like shit constantly, now my parents are stressing me out with the alcohol and moving and I'm back to square one. Also I'm so sorry about your chronic pain I can't even imagine.
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