This post is kinda close to the bone for me as my situation is somewhat unusual and complex. I gave birth to a child who was conceived and carried while I was psychotic. So it was never really my choice as such. I had no support from the dad or any relatives in my city. I lapsed into mania several times while he was still an infant so he had an unstable first 3 years. I've struggled with a lot of guilt and self loathing for feeling that I totally failed as a mother. He's 26 now. Hindsight is a great thing, but yeah with mental illness like I had having a co parent or relative to share the load with was essential. I thought I had that but it didn't turn out that way.