Does the thought of ctb make you feel like a colossal weight has been lifted off your shoulders?

[ringo99]

Basically the title. When I wake up I'm reminded of a hundred different things that I should've done and be doing but my brain shuts down when I think about the enormity of it all. I'm constantly reminded of how I've failed every step of the way, how all my achievements in life are either meaningless or the product of a fluke with no real effort or intelligence behind it. Honestly I'm not a smart person. I can't cope with the people around me, the responsibilities I have, things I have to learn, the mistakes I've made, time I've lost. Yet when I think of ctb I get this incredibly light feeling that makes me giddy with happiness. None of the past matters at that point and I feel genuinely free like I've been living under a cloud and can suddenly see the sun again. Then I chicken out and I'm back on the rack being tortured by life again.

Am I crazy? Does anyone else feel this way?

 

[StolenLife]

Yes I feel the same way. Ctb is an objective solution to all my problems. When I think about suicide, I feel safe, and ironically it is the thought of suicide that makes me cope with life.

 

[Darkover]

yes i feel trapped here in a mental and physical torture devices i can only hope i get to ctb soon with N hopefully

 

[thecolourgold]

You are not alone here. Hope things get better for you, one way or another.

 

[unnormal9]

Of course

 

[YEAR2050]

absolutely. the thought is very comforting

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case the thought of permanently not existing certainly is the only comfort in such a cruel, hellish world because to die would solve all problems and prevent all future harm and suffering. I see so much beauty in the thought of being unaware of everything for all eternity and I really envy those who have already left this world, but I cannot even feel relief from the thought of ctb as it barely even feels like an option in this anti suicide society where we cannot just choose to pass away without risks and complications. It's such a horrible punishment how we are expected to just be slaves from suffering until we decay from old age, I wish that I could feel relief from ctb but death still feels like a distance away sadly.

 

[TAW122]

It used to, but unless I know that I have the means to be able to and reliably CTB, I won't ever be (truly) at peace... Dreams and thoughts are nice, but again if they aren't reality or have the reasonable potential to be reality, then again, it is nothing more than just a distraction. I need something to be realistic in order for me to have the peace that I'm seeking.

 

[NoLightRemains]

Just having a method on hand ready to go gives me great peace of mind. It will be there when I need it and work up the courage.

 

[suicidalcatlady]

Yes I've been wanting peace for a while now my life has been a living hell