Discussion Does terrible physique contribute to your depression? I hate being skinny so much.

[LifeIsASadist]

I hate my skinny physique so much due to my utter trash genetics, most of my peers are already 200-230 lbs in all muscles while I am stuck as a weak stick that could be overpowered so freaking easily. WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THESE ABSOLUTE GARBAGE GENETICS!?!?

 

[venerated-vader]

Honestly, yeah.

Anti-depressants made me gain over 100 pounds, and no amount of weight loss will undo the impact it's had on my body. It so unfair, because I spent years not knowing why I was gaining so much weight, and no one told me what 'might increase your likelihood for diabetes' actually meant.

In turn, I've spent many years battling what could develop into an eating disorder, and I've hated myself for failing time and time again to lose weight. I'm trying my hardest right now, but one bad day and I just slip back into this cycle of eating too much garbage or not enough of anything. I lose muscle. I feel like shit. Etc.

I will say that weight exercises really do help with the muscle thing. Even if its just lifting a 20 pound weight when you're not doing anything else, or bouncing on the balls of your feet when you're standing. I've been trying to do that, and I've seen the (small) changes it can bring accumulate over time. All it takes is every bit of the gumption I don't have when I'm depressed. Which is all the time but y'know lol.

Doing idle stuff like squeezing a stress ball can actually make your forearms grow over time, and a little change like that might give you some hope that you can get to where you want to be, one day. It's given me something to hope for. I mean its not enough to stop me from wanting to ctb, but imo, it really is the little things that can make the immediate moment a little less unbearable.

I'm sending you good vibes. This shit sucks.