I am so sorry you are in so much pain & suffering, I wish I could take that all away from you!
Now, all nutmeg is going to do, at best, is make you feel dizzy, have delirium and cause dissociation. I would anticipate someone would vomit long, long before any actual risk of potentially dying from it ever happened. I am unaware of anyone dying from nutmeg although it turns out there are a whopping
two of them. I think that speaks for itself as to the impracticality, unreliability and why this would be very much a not effective method to consider. Those odds are not in your favor, like extremely stacked against them. Practically nonexistent in medical literature. And who knows what else was going on with their age, health, other medications, or whatnot. When it comes to CTB, it is best to always do research and then make a well thought out decision. It sounds like using nutmeg would be somewhat impulsive, not well thought out, and might be one of those "finger-tip convenience" but ultimately a not good method to ever actually try if the goal was truly CTB. It simply is going to fail, I'm sorry.
But I can relate to you expressing feeling "lazy" and not going through with the attempt (even though I can kind of hardly call this an attempt given an attempt should have an actual chance of success and it is kind of hard to say this would; but I do not want minimize your experience and pain you must be in to have considered this).
With whatever you decide, I wish you nothing but the best and hope you find peace & serenity.