Does anything still help you get a temporary break from the suicidal ideation?

[Groundhog_Day]

I'd be careful around alcohol. Last time I drank it got out of control and I tried to CTB because alcohol took away my SI.

Thanks for the warning. I bought my first bottle of whisky (1ltr famous grouse for £20). It didn't taste super great to me, so i mixed it with orangeade. I had about 75ml and felt tipsy and sedated. Apparently, as well as being a depressant, alcohol can be a stimulant and give euphoric feelings. But i only seem to feel drunk and sedated with no euphoric feelings. The good news was i wasn't sick and didn't get a headache. But like you say, i think it might be really helpful to overcome SI, when i need to ctb with the charcoal+tent method.

Spending time in nature with my dog is basically the only time I don't feel incredibly suicidal as of late. But even then the heaviness of depression is creeping in, and it's not always easy to ignore it. I have a hard time going home as I know I'll feel worse there, I wish I could stay in the forest forever. I also still find some sense of escape in alcohol, but it's getting to the point where my depression/suicidal thoughts are amplified, and I get messy when drunk. I'm not the best at controlling myself when it comes to how much I drink, so more often then not I end up sad drunk.

Here's some forest pics, moments I wish I could stay in forever. Maybe then I wouldn't be so fucking sad:

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That looks like a beautifully quiet place. Your dog must have a great time running around there. My dog died 3 years ago, and i really miss her. They can really help take your mind off things with just being so happy all the time.