Does anyone worry about how kids will react to your death?

[littlelady774]

I don't have any kids, but I have a 5 year old niece that thinks the world of me.
I cry when I think that my death is going to hurt her and in a way that will be traumatic. She won't understand
Does anyone have any young nieces/ nephews you're close to?
Are you worried about how you ctbing will affect them?

 

[enlightened_suicide]

All the time.

 

[MysticPerception]

My nephew and niece are both visiting me right now for two weeks and I'm probably going to ctb the week after they leave. While I do feel bad about my nephew who loves me so much for some odd reason I feel he'll completely forget about me by the time he's old enough to understand what suicide is anyway. That goes for both of them really. They're just toddlers so they'll forget. Maybe one day they'll even understand why I did it though I hope they don't end up in the same spot as me that's for sure.

 

[HorribleFeelings1]

I have a younger sister who does look up to me, I even asked her what she will do if I died and her response was "I don't know". It breaks me to know her voice was full of confusion not sure what death really meant and didn't know how she will feel if I did commit suicide, I love my sister to death and I wish me committing suicide won't be a traumatizing event for her, I hope my death doesn't effect her life and she won't end up like me.

 

[Reallyreallyreally]

I don't have kids but I worry about how everyone will be impacted, and I wonder if there's an afterlife and if I'll suffer consequences for my actions. I wonder if karma or similar is a reflection of a person's conscience. I wonder if the spirits around us all are a product of my own mind or if they're residents of a non-corporeal world and I'll join them. I wonder if suicide makes me a bad person or if the universe is neutral, and I try really hard to remember that other people will be involved no matter how much I try to set it up without anyone finding out, which I don't think is legally feasible anyway. Even though I'm estranged from my family I think about the effects on them, especially my youngest sister.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

I don't have kids but I worry about how everyone will be impacted, and I wonder if there's an afterlife and if I'll suffer consequences for my actions. I wonder if karma or similar is a reflection of a person's conscience. I wonder if the spirits around us all are a product of my own mind or if they're residents of a non-corporeal world and I'll join them. I wonder if suicide makes me a bad person or if the universe is neutral, and I try really hard to remember that other people will be involved no matter how much I try to set it up without anyone finding out, which I don't think is legally feasible anyway. Even though I'm estranged from my family I think about the effects on them, especially my youngest sister.

The universe doesn't care. If it did, it would've stopped all the other suicidal people.

 

[Reallyreallyreally]

The universe doesn't care. If it did, it would've stopped all the other suicidal people.

Maybe we're all just ants walking along our little paths.

 

[WhyIsLife56]

Maybe we're all just ants walking along our little paths.

That's the thing though. We are mere ants. In the universe.
A little blip in the universe.
Actually we're just tiny little dots of the universe.

 

[amnotreal]

I have kids and keep trying to just wait until they are all grown up and busy living their lives. I have a friend who's father ctb but after many years of cancer and he is the only person i can really talk to about it because he has perspective of having been able to say goodbye and stuff. he was over 50 though when that happened and his dad was probably in his 80's

 

[Cupcake]

I don't have any kids, but I have a 5 year old niece that thinks the world of me.
I cry when I think that my death is going to hurt her and in a way that will be traumatic. She won't understand
Does anyone have any young nieces/ nephews you're close to?
Are you worried about how you ctbing will affect them?

Oh geez, I can relate to your post so much, it's incredible!



Yes, I do worry about how my death will impact my kids. I have three of them, all girls. I'm not so worried about my two and a half year old or my ten month old, but I do worry tremendously about my five and a half year old.



She adores me, though God only knows why, and she's been super worried about me dying ever since I got hit by a car.



A part of me thinks that she will be devastated, but another part of me thinks also that she is young enough that she will be able to move on and be ok.



Their dad is a wonderful man. Kind, compassionate, and with enough patience and love for all of them to fill an entire ocean.



Still, I do worry, but, at this point, I don't know what to do. My depression and bipolar mood swings are only getting worse, and I'm at the point in my life where I don't want to get better anymore. I just don't have the energy to keep fighting like I used to, even a few years ago.



I lost my dad when I was sixteen. He didn't CTB, but it was still devastating. I miss him every, single day. I wonder if it will be like that for my daughter. Still, I was much older than her when I lost my dad, so I'm still holding onto the hope that it might not be as hard on her because she is still so young and innocent.



I, too, worry about being punished in an afterlife for checking out early. I worry that I will never find peace, no matter whether I live or die. But I don't think I can keep sticking around, so… yeah, the whole situation just sucks balls, in my opinion.



I know my post probably didn't cheer you up any, sorry, but, my point is, you aren't alone. I hope you find the peace you are looking for, no matter what you decide to do. Remember, we can't live for other people and their happiness.



Peace/hugs,



Cupcake

 

[MsMaudlin]

Yes all the time.

Two of my children are grown up but I have a younger one too.

They are the only reason I haven't gone yet, I know they will be devastated that I had gone, but I think they have an idea its on my mind.

I'm going to write letters, and put some cash in them too.

Peace and love ❤

 

[beatlegirl]

I'm so sorry @littlelady856. I'm sure your niece must absolutely love you.

I do worry at times but then imagine the kids around me are mostly too young to have any remainding memories of me. That does ease my mind when I think of CTB. x

 

[SuiSqueeze92]

I think that people should take into account that children haven't developed proper coping skills and are still being developed, they will be impacted later on and it'll become part of who they are. BPD comes to mind as most start with a parent suicide or overall loss, abuse, neglect etc. Deep down feel stuck at times as that little kid, but being drug down by your demons within your own body it seems.

 

[Fragile]

my little brother is 13 but he is a kid in my eyes. and he sees me as a hero because i am the only person who was ever kind to him and i was some sort of parent figure after his real father abandoned him, he also suffers from a lot of issues similar to mine and it will only get worse for him.

my death will hurt him the most and i hate myself because of it, i would've done it way sooner if it wasn't because he exists. just thinking about what he will suffer makes me want to live until he turns 18 at least, but i don't know if i can endure this hell for even one more year, let alone 7, i just can't do it.
if only there was other way. the guilt is crushing me. i really wish that i had no close family members that will inevitably get hurt because of my passing, my greatest mistake in this life was being kind to others, it only brought me so much pain in the end for so many reasons.