Does anyone here plan to live for awhile?

[a.h]

Yes, although I despise myself

Yes, although I despise myself for it. I still have unfinished matters to take care of first, but I think about dying everyday. But honestly...I'm just waiting for that final push over the edge, that decisive leap into the abyss of despair. But who knows? Perhaps my end will come sooner than I anticipated.

I'm in California which is pretty much as good as it gets in the US. In San Francisco, people shit on the train escalators. Everyone complains about it, but nobody wants to spend any money on it because they don't feel people are worthy. They'd rather deal with shit and needles everywhere than engineer any sane solution. Americans are, as someone on here pointed out, kinder to animals than to each other.

There are no.hospitals because Regan closed them all. The idea was that people would be cared for in the community. But if you can't care for yourself, what do you do? When I'm sick, I struggle with the getting my meds right. I need a nurse. It all means you have to have family support. My mom asked me to swallow a bottle of Klonopin rather than stay with her. I can't even discuss it with a therapist because she could get in trouble and that's hard to handle.

I really hope you get justice. Thanks for caring.
Oh. The hospitals vary. I've been in about 6 times and almost all of them were good. One had a great buffet and really good people. I was almost raped and they kept me longer because I was too out of it to react. One was bleak and pointless and when my insurance asked for.my thoughts I let them know.

Sometimes it's like being here and you can connect with others.

I'm in California which is pretty much as good as it gets in the US. In San Francisco, people shit on the train escalators. Everyone complains about it, but nobody wants to spend any money on it because they don't feel people are worthy. They'd rather deal with shit and needles everywhere than engineer any sane solution. Americans are, as someone on here pointed out, kinder to animals than to each other.

There are no.hospitals because Regan closed them all. The idea was that people would be cared for in the community. But if you can't care for yourself, what do you do? When I'm sick, I struggle with the getting my meds right. I need a nurse. It all means you have to have family support. My mom asked me to swallow a bottle of Klonopin rather than stay with her. I can't even discuss it with a therapist because she could get in trouble and that's hard to handle.

I really hope you get justice. Thanks for caring.
Oh. The hospitals vary. I've been in about 6 times and almost all of them were good. One had a great buffet and really good people. I was almost raped and they kept me longer because I was too out of it to react. One was bleak and pointless and when my insurance asked for.my thoughts I let them know.

Sometimes it's like being here and you can connect with others.

That is insane. USA is so often thought to be glamorous and wealthy country. Maybe because almost all people in news and media are very rich themselves. In Europe wealhty countries make sure that everyone will have house, food and needed meds and care at least.
I bet that would lessen crimes too because many end up in gangs because they are poor and can't make money themselves. Also when people get crime record when they don't have money for food etc. essential and try to find work later it may be impossible to get because of it.
And it's fucked up how suicide is demonised there if some people have to live on the streets and there isn't any of the help that every prolifer offers as a solution. They don't even demonise suicide here and other countries around even in churches even many still die by it here.

That is really harsh your mom said. I hope she wasn't serious. My parents are great but I couldn't stand the lack of privacy.

I hope things will work out well for you.
I get minimum pay too now so many unpaid pills after one expensive failed order and expensive staff I had to get to do it right. I wish I could pay the big bill for small business but I cannot wait and save for months for it.
I will have good things in next life We all will. I have had nde when I had best life possible. After that I wanted to die just because it was million times better life than here on earth and because I always felt and remembered that I belong to that other place.
At least I know it won't hurt at all and I won't fear death.

 

[Boochky]

Yeah, my dad made sure I learned of European superiority. My favorite film is Bleu because it taught me radical forgiveness.

It would prevent crime, it would create a lot of things. But Americans are vindictive. They just want to put people in jail and this is encouraged by those in power because they get campaign contributions from the for-profit prison companies. They're currently getting rich keeping kids in cages. America is an illusion. Great ideas sometimes, but at what cost? And people fight to keep it this way because they think they'll be rich or are just slaves. Being American is the most depressing thing sometimes. Could be worse though.

Ugh that sucks about your order. I'm sorry.

Thanks for sharing your nde. I have faith and I worry about ctb.

Anyway, we probably hi-jacked the thread, but feel free to PM me.

 

[Lils]

I personally never even planned to live this long but laziness has stopped me from getting the supplies needed for ctb. Does anyone here plan to stay alive for reasons other than fear of failure or not having the supplies? If so, what is your reason?

ya i have been postponing in the hope that things get better. giving myself a last chance....dont know if it will work

 

[Supersadmommy90]

I'm giving myself until the summer/fall and then reassessing. Holding out for my my miracle, but keeping ctb in my back pocked as a plan D.