Does anyone get fed up with people on here?

[CuriousAboutThis]

Well, it's quite rare. Majority of the ppl here are very friendly and genuine. It's one of the best places for me; it's my safe haven.

Agreed, I just vent a lot that is all I like checking in on this site kind of a therapeutic tool and check in on people.

 

[k75]

See I'm not being rude but that is what I don't understand. If you're miserable and are able to fix your situation why don't you? Do you enjoy misery?

Mental illness is a tricky thing. Sometimes severe depression makes fixable problems seem like they aren't. It also can make it nearly impossible to muster the will and motivation to fix the things that make you the most miserable, but that doesn't mean you aren't suffering or enjoy feeling bad.

 

[SawItOnce]

Not once have I read a post here where the pain was unconvincing. People often pinpoint one fear or one kind of pain, but it's never only that thing, it always comes in combination with dozens of underlying issues and contextual aggravations, which people are very very rarely aware of, barely ever link the conditions between themselves, or maybe are simply unwilling to share more than they do.

I sure know one thing: if anything makes you want to die, you have been beaten by enough shit. If it was that which you identified as source or something else, it doesn't make a difference in regards to validity, no need to be accurate. I know it's there, and if the person can't even imagine what else is pushing them, that's even scarier.

Oh, and mental issues hurt, every single painful emotion hurts physically. The reason why this is hard to spot at a physical feeling level, it's because every cell hurts, the pain is everywhere, there's no edge. And when everything is the same, all you know about it is the mental impression "This is forever".

 

[cowbain]

I understand what you mean. Of course everyone's pain is validated, but it's foolish to say that all pain is the same. I think the treatment and support the person needs varies depending on the severity of their circumstances. Turning it physical it's kind of like comparing a cold to lupus. Both are valid. Both deserve care and support. But there's a different level of care that's needed for both sicknesses. It takes a lot of self awareness and emotional intelligence for someone to admit that their problems although validated, aren't on the severe end of the scale. I can't speak for you but I'm assuming the frustration stems from seeing people who are on the lower end getting more support and continuously saying how miserable they are without seeking any treatments? If so it's understandable you feel this way, especially given your circumstances. It's a sad reality but the more conventional your problems are the more accessible you are to the public, hence more support. And personally for me, I also don't understand when people have access to care but refuse to ever get help. It's their life tho and you can't force a person into anything if they don't want it for themselves. Some people want their help to be dying and being pro choice I won't stop them.

But I think having conversations like this are so important so hopefully it can lead to hearing both sides and learning to understand each other and ourselves better.

 

[C.Darko]

Don't take it personally.

 

[Sweet emotion]

I didn't know this was a competition, or I would have worn my evening gown. I didn't realize we were all in a contest here to see who had the best or "most justifiable" reason to ctb. It's very easy to judge other people when you've never walked in their shoes. This is honestly the last place on earth I thought I would find myself having to justify my reasons for wanting to ctb or having to conform to someone else's ideas of what is a "good enough" reason and what isn't.
I think most people come here both to vent and to seek compassion and understanding because they're not getting that IRL. I know I originally came here to find like minded people that I could commiserate with and share similar experiences with. I didn't realize there was a hierarchy of pain and that some people's pain was more valid than other people's pain. I agree with noctiva that none of us can possibly know the entire extent of another person's pain because most don't share their entire story on this forum. I know I personally would never be able to share my entire story because it's long and would probably take up several entire threads.
Also, you can never truly know someone just from an Internet post. I also wonder who made anyone on this forum the judge and jury as to who has and who has not tried hard enough to get well or get a better life or whatever. I've been coming here because I thought this is the one place I could come to vent and express myself and I would not be judged, condescended to, or have people overreact to my thoughts and expressions and try to save me when I don't wish to be saved.
I'm extremely disappointed. I understand it can be hard to listen to others who you can't relate to and don't understand what they're going through. In my case, if I don't understand what someone is going through, then I don't post on that thread.
The OP has a severely painful and untreatable illness. My heart breaks for her. I can understand how it could be hard to find compassion for people who "only have mental issues" when you are in severe physical pain all the time. I'm sure that could make you believe that the people in mental pain should just suck it up and move on with their lives because you don't have that ability.
However, mental pain is not that easy, even though most people try to make it seem like it is. I'm here to tell you it's not. And this is one of the exact reasons why it makes it so difficult because people are always dismissing and belittling your pain because it's not physical and there's no way to measure it with any kind of medical test or anything. All you can do is take the person's word for it, and I don't know about other people, but I personally would not go around in the condition that I'm in if there was any way to treat it. I've done every treatment there is practically, at least the ones that I can afford, and nothing has come of any of them. I get very upset and angry when people tell me that I haven't tried hard enough because I get told that all the time by people in my real life. The last thing I need is to hear that crap from people on this forum. I'm not saying I've ever suffered physical pain on the level that you are suffering, but I have had my fair share of physical pain. There is mental pain that can be just as debilitating as physical pain. The fact that I'm even having to debate this or have this discussion on this forum makes me think perhaps I'm in the wrong place. I'm trying to understand the OP's perspective, but also understand that everyone's pain is different and everyone experiences their pain in different ways and no one's pain is any more valid than anyone else's, no matter where it comes from or how it manifests itself.
Perhaps you should go to a pro life forum instead. They apparently don't think people with mental illnesses should be taken seriously or treated with compassion either.

I never said that I thought people with mental issues are not in awful mental pain. I have OCD and there was a time that I wanted to kill myself over it. So I understand mental pain as well. I'm depressed right now due to my life being taken away from me because of crps. But when someone gets depressed because they aren't tall enough....idk.....I'm not a pro lifer by any means. But I read a post about someone who said they were isolated. I thought....man I can completely understand that. And it is horrible. She went on to say she went to a social function to meet people and then she said....I got there and didn't even want to bother to talk to anyone because they were like animals. I didn't say one word. So I'm thinking....well how the hell can you expect to not be isolated if you're causing the problem yourself and the complaining about it. If you don't want to be isolated, you talk to people. It's not hard to do. Why go to a social even if she thought everyone was beneath her and not worthy of talking to? Then just stay isolated and stop complaining about it because you're doing it to yourself. Does that make any sense or is it just me? I have a lot of compassion for people who have mental illness because they didn't ask for it and believe me I know that nothing is easy and you just can't get over it. I'm sure people thought that about my OCD which I still have but have been controlling it. I know you can't just snap your fingers and the problem goes away. But when people are depressed and they don't want to see a psychiatrist on top of a therapist and really work to get better then what is the point of complaining? I know many people go see shrinks and therapists and don't get better but at least they have tried. To me it's like putting your hand in the oven and complaining how painful it is but you don't remove your hand.

I didn't know this was a competition, or I would have worn my evening gown. I didn't realize we were all in a contest here to see who had the best or "most justifiable" reason to ctb. It's very easy to judge other people when you've never walked in their shoes. This is honestly the last place on earth I thought I would find myself having to justify my reasons for wanting to ctb or having to conform to someone else's ideas of what is a "good enough" reason and what isn't.
I think most people come here both to vent and to seek compassion and understanding because they're not getting that IRL. I know I originally came here to find like minded people that I could commiserate with and share similar experiences with. I didn't realize there was a hierarchy of pain and that some people's pain was more valid than other people's pain. I agree with noctiva that none of us can possibly know the entire extent of another person's pain because most don't share their entire story on this forum. I know I personally would never be able to share my entire story because it's long and would probably take up several entire threads.
Also, you can never truly know someone just from an Internet post. I also wonder who made anyone on this forum the judge and jury as to who has and who has not tried hard enough to get well or get a better life or whatever. I've been coming here because I thought this is the one place I could come to vent and express myself and I would not be judged, condescended to, or have people overreact to my thoughts and expressions and try to save me when I don't wish to be saved.
I'm extremely disappointed. I understand it can be hard to listen to others who you can't relate to and don't understand what they're going through. In my case, if I don't understand what someone is going through, then I don't post on that thread.
The OP has a severely painful and untreatable illness. My heart breaks for her. I can understand how it could be hard to find compassion for people who "only have mental issues" when you are in severe physical pain all the time. I'm sure that could make you believe that the people in mental pain should just suck it up and move on with their lives because you don't have that ability.
However, mental pain is not that easy, even though most people try to make it seem like it is. I'm here to tell you it's not. And this is one of the exact reasons why it makes it so difficult because people are always dismissing and belittling your pain because it's not physical and there's no way to measure it with any kind of medical test or anything. All you can do is take the person's word for it, and I don't know about other people, but I personally would not go around in the condition that I'm in if there was any way to treat it. I've done every treatment there is practically, at least the ones that I can afford, and nothing has come of any of them. I get very upset and angry when people tell me that I haven't tried hard enough because I get told that all the time by people in my real life. The last thing I need is to hear that crap from people on this forum. I'm not saying I've ever suffered physical pain on the level that you are suffering, but I have had my fair share of physical pain. There is mental pain that can be just as debilitating as physical pain. The fact that I'm even having to debate this or have this discussion on this forum makes me think perhaps I'm in the wrong place. I'm trying to understand the OP's perspective, but also understand that everyone's pain is different and everyone experiences their pain in different ways and no one's pain is any more valid than anyone else's, no matter where it comes from or how it manifests itself.
Perhaps you should go to a pro life forum instead. They apparently don't think people with mental illnesses should be taken seriously or treated with compassion either.

And I never said people with mental pain shouldn't be taken seriously or have compassion. You're pissed off at me which I can understand but you're putting words in my mouth. I never said that and I don't think that.

What do you hope to achieve by acting morally superior and judging people you simply don't know? People do not need to justify themselves and if you don't like what some individuals are saying or how they act simply ignore them. Save yourself the aggravation and others guilt-trips like this not to mention the rather naïve pushing of 'therapy' and psychiatry as if that actually solves real problems.

It actually does solve real problems. It solved my problem when I was 15-17 and wanted to die. I worked hard at it. But it seems these days people just don't want to work hard at anything and just say well this is the way it is. We only get one life so if you're able to salvage it and get better then why wouldn't someone want to?

But when someone wants to die because they find the human body disgusting, I think they're just plain off in the head and I say to myself oh God stop complaining and just do it already.

Wow

Are you talking about Body Dysmorphia?

No I'm not talking about body dysmorphia. That thought wasn't even in my head.

 

[I'm exhausted]

I had two therapists ghost on me ..

 

[Sweet emotion]

I haven't seen one post were I didn't think that person was in real pain, whatever their situation .
I'm shocked you could go through any ordeal and still have so little compassion !

I've been on this page for a while now and I've had endless amounts of compassion for people. I've gone out of my way to build them up and private messaged them and told them I'm here if they ever needed to talk. I'm sure people can attest to that. Sometimes I think when you're in the highest amount of physical pain non stop and you have to leave your home every day to sit in a car for hours because people are mowing grass or making repairs in your apartment, you get a little frustrated and lose some of that compassion. You get to the point where if you've had this for over 14 years and have lost your life to it, you get pissed off when others don't want to fight for their lives. It's just the nature of the condition. It truly happens to people and it doesn't mean we aren't compassionate. I think it's because we go through things in our life that people have never even heard of or could imagine so if someone wants to die because let's say they don't like trees.....you think to yourself...omg they wouldn't last a day in my shoes. That's just how it is. It's reality.

 

[Ambie]

You dont know how others might feel.
I also deal with severe physical pain on top of my other issues so i could literally say the same thing to you.
"Why are you complaining? Your pain is ONLY physical. You can take painkillers but I can't make my childhood trauma and memories of torture go away. You dont have a right to be suicidal. "

Cant you see how unhelpful and rude that is? Why do you want to invalidate others to make yourself feel superior?
If someone wants to kill themselves because their dog just died or whatever more "trivial" reason their pain is JUST AS VALID. There is no way to measure or compare suffering. We're here to support each other, its not a fucking competition.

 

[AlexM]

Еmpathy is the greatest virtue.

 

[I'm exhausted]

If someone wants to kill themselves because their dog just died

I wanted to die when my first cat had to be put to sleep. I always do when animals have to be put to sleep or as an advocate reading horrible stories and participating in petitions, it really pains/kills me and lose hope in humanity thus wanting to die.

 

[Soul]

@Sweet emotion, I reckon everyone on the forum knows you have the worst-ever chronic pain, because you remind us of it very frequently. (There are some others here with the same disease, but they don't always mention it.) I'm sorry you're suffering.

I find this thread quite puzzling, though, because you recently rather angrily rejected a suggestion that family therapy might be helpful to your mother and yourself. So it's odd that you don't have more understanding for people who don't want to work hard on therapy/recovery.

You've said you have large quantities of opiates and other painkillers on hand, and yet you don't seem to relate to people who come here and talk but don't commit suicide. I'm sure you have reasons for not exiting immediately, and I respect that without having to ask what the reasons are. I believe you can do the same.

Hardly anyone has it in us to be endlessly compassionate. As I said a few days ago, when we can't come up with any, it's probably a good time to take a break. You agreed (or was that sarcasm), but ... Ok, your choice! But it's puzzling.

Can I change the subject slightly? Whose photo is that in your "avatar"? Why did you choose to use it?

I hope you find something to enjoy today.

 

[Santiago]

Yes, pretty much all the time. But I think that has to do with the fact that a lot of people here have different beliefs than me.

Feel like this place is also predominantly left so I need to click ignore on a lot of threads. If I don't then I can't help it but to reply and I just know that will anger some people.

Then of course there also the people who are extremely emotional. I can't relate to them.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

But I think having conversations like this are so important so hopefully it can lead to hearing both sides and learning to understand each other and ourselves better.

I concur. This has been an interest discussion. Not the easiest subject to talk about but worth listening to all sides.

 

[Stan]

Discussion is better if people came up with simple practical solutions to what they perceive as a problem. Without solutions it will become a circular discussion.

 

[Sweet emotion]

@Sweet emotion, I reckon everyone on the forum knows you have the worst-ever chronic pain, because you remind us of it very frequently. (There are some others here with the same disease, but they don't always mention it.) I'm sorry you're suffering.

I find this thread quite puzzling, though, because you recently rather angrily rejected a suggestion that family therapy might be helpful to your mother and yourself. So it's odd that you don't have more understanding for people who don't want to work hard on therapy/recovery.

You've said you have large quantities of opiates and other painkillers on hand, and yet you don't seem to relate to people who come here and talk but don't commit suicide. I'm sure you have reasons for not exiting immediately, and I respect that without having to ask what the reasons are. I believe you can do the same.

Hardly anyone has it in us to be endlessly compassionate. As I said a few days ago, when we can't come up with any, it's probably a good time to take a break. You agreed (or was that sarcasm), but ... Ok, your choice! But it's puzzling.

Can I change the subject slightly? Whose photo is that in your "avatar"? Why did you choose to use it?

I hope you find something to enjoy today.

I don't bring up my illness all the timeto do a whoa is me thing. I'm trying to bring awareness about it since no one knows what it is. And the therapy thing. I PHYSICALLY can't do it. My jaw is ruined from two surgeries and it's hard to speak. It hurts very badly and it makes the pain in my ears head and face become unbearable to the point that no amount of pain meds takes the edge off. So there's your answer for that. And no I wasn't being sarcastic at all when I said I thought it was a good idea of yours for me to take a break. What is so damn puzzling about me. I have my plans set in motion don't worry with the large quantities of opitates I have, don't worry. I'll be gone soon. I realized there's really no point in talking about your problems over and over until you get to the point where you just want to say, stop talking and start taking some action. I mean we could all be here for years doing that.

Yes, pretty much all the time. But I think that has to do with the fact that a lot of people here have different beliefs than me.

Feel like this place is also predominantly left so I need to click ignore on a lot of threads. If I don't then I can't help it but to reply and I just know that will anger some people.

Then of course there also the people who are extremely emotional. I can't relate to them.

What does politics have to due with suicide?

You dont know how others might feel.
I also deal with severe physical pain on top of my other issues so i could literally say the same thing to you.
"Why are you complaining? Your pain is ONLY physical. You can take painkillers but I can't make my childhood trauma and memories of torture go away. You dont have a right to be suicidal. "

Cant you see how unhelpful and rude that is? Why do you want to invalidate others to make yourself feel superior?
If someone wants to kill themselves because their dog just died or whatever more "trivial" reason their pain is JUST AS VALID. There is no way to measure or compare suffering. We're here to support each other, its not a fucking competition.

My pain isn't only physical. I have severe depression from being secluded for 14 years and knowing I'll never have a life.. and I can take pain killers huh? Well sweetie pie....why don't you learn about my illness before you open your mouth. In truth and scientific evidence, my pain actually Is worse than yours. It's measured worse than labor pain. Don't bitch at me because I didn't pick this disease. The pain killers barely work and take you from a 10 to a 9, but it's the only thing doctors can do for people like me. So there's your answer to that. And am I supposed to be nailed to a cross because I didn't have childhood trauma. I'll have to yell at my family about that one.

And I understand it's very tragic when an animal has to be out down but if you want to kill yourself because of that, then you need help immediately. Because that means your life is lacking so much in so many ways and there's something wrong with your brain.

And like others who are putting words in my mouth, I never said it was a fucking competition. But I'm sorry, not sorry, if you're able to walk and go outside and drive and work and have friends and family and have a husband, then I really don't want to hear that you want to die because you had to out a dog to sleep. I'd love to give you my disease but it's just not possible sweetheart. So yes, some problems actually are bigger than others...that's just the way it is. I came on here to question how much shit I need to take to die. Then I started reading others posts and gave them a lot of support. And people were even rude to me like that Blackjack woman who offed herself. But I didn't cry over it. If you don't like what I have to say why don't you just keep concentrating more on your depression and less on my thoughts.

 

[BlueWidow]

Sweet Emotion,

My post was not directed at just you, even though you were the one who started this thread. This post is also not just directed at you, but is directed at all the other people on this thread who are complaining about other people on this site. I guess part of it is that I agree with what Soul said above, I find this thread puzzling. I come here for support and to vent frustrations that I have that I know a lot of other people on here share. Yes, there is a lot of complaining on this forum, but it's a forum for depressed people who are suicidal, so it's puzzling that someone would be upset about people complaining. What did you think depressed people and people who want to end their lives would be doing? Most people have nothing positive to say because they have nothing positive in their lives. And let's face it, it is a lot easier to be negative than it is to be positive, especially when you feel like your life is complete shit. I can certainly understand being fed up with it, but then why would you come on here if you're fed up with it and don't want to hear people complaining?

Secondly, as I said above, my post wasn't directed entirely at you, it was also directed at other people in this thread who were saying things that I guess were upsetting me because I felt like I was being attacked. The reason I felt like I was being attacked is because they were saying things that people in my real life say to me all the time, such as go on an antidepressant and go seek therapy.

As I've stated in many other threads, I have been doing various kinds of both anti-depressants and therapy since I was 13 in 1983. I've been on just about every antidepressant and a few antipsychotics and not one pill has ever made me feel even the tiniest bit better. They have, however, given me all sorts of horrific side effects, including the most recent one that I was put on and one of the few antidepressants that I had a little bit of hope might actually help me because it was one that I had never been on before, Wellbutrin.
However, just like every other antidepressant, it gave me severe side effects. First, I was severely dizzy, so dizzy that I was bumping into walls, and the entire room would feel like it was tilting sideways like I was on a carnival ride. I spent weeks dealing with that, and then just when it had subsided slightly, a new horrible side effect started. I started becoming so severely nauseous that I couldn't even hardly move without feeling like I was going to throw up. I spent 2 entire weeks doing nothing but lying in bed as still as I possibly could with a bucket next to me. Finally, I had to just quit taking the pill because I had stuff to do and I couldn't afford to be forced to lie around in bed or be perfectly still anymore. And I know for certain it was the Wellbutrin that was causing the side effects because just as soon as I quit taking it the side effects all disappeared. So when I hear people saying things like the following which you wrote in your original post:

They don't want to be on medication or talk to a therapist. So what do you expect people to do for you?

What I expect is for a doctor to offer me something other than the same old tired treatments that they've been offering me for the last 36 years. What I expect is for a doctor to actually listen to me and believe me when I tell him I have a problem and try to help me instead of being a condescending asshole, which is what usually happens when I go to a doctor.

Of course, when I look at it now I realize you were probably just venting, which I think is what we all come here for. In the moment however I felt personally attacked, not just by you but by some other members who were making comments.

The one that upset me the most, was this comment, from Misanthrop:

It is frustrating seeing entire professions denigrated like they are all the same. I was damaged by my doctor, but do not assume all doctors will damage me.

Up until I read this, I had decided I wasn't going to comment on this thread. I don't know why but I felt like this comment was directed at me, even though it probably wasn't. But for whatever reason it set me off. I've had multiple doctors in just about every field you can imagine act so insensitive and condescending toward me, that I do lump all doctors in the same basket. I don't trust doctors of any kind. I am in the shape I'm in today because I have illnesses that doctors have ignored for decades or only offered me the same treatment that didn't work the last time over and over again. And again this is another thing from my real life. Everyone around me keeps telling me if I just go to the doctor everything will be fine, so that's what I did and just like every other time I've ever been there, the doctor assumed he knew things about me that he couldn't possibly know because he had only known me for five minutes. And then he offered me the same treatment every other doctor has offered me: for my depression it's always one more antidepressant and more therapy. Just because it hasn't worked for the last 36 years doesn't mean it won't work this time, right?
For my thyroid, it's either ignoring it all together and telling me that my symptoms aren't real and I don't need a raise in my medicine, or if they do give me a raise it's so minuscule that it doesn't make any difference. I got a tiny raise back in August, so I've been doing my own experiment. I've been taking a double dose of my thyroid medicine ( that's 420 mg) just to see what it would do. It's done absolutely nothing. I've been taking it now for two weeks and I still don't feel any different. I think I've gone without the medicine that I need for so long that my thyroid is just never going to be right again.
I spent years and years going from one doctor to another begging anyone to give me the medicine that I needed and begging someone to believe me when I said my thyroid was not getting better. All I got in return was a lot of snotty condescending insults from doctors. I was called a hypochondriac, a "drug seeker", and a liar.
So I continued to get sicker and sicker and the doctors around me didn't do anything to help me.
So I guess when I hear people saying the same kind of things that people are saying to me in my real life on this board, it's very upsetting to me because I come here to get away from that. I come here to find people who understand what I'm going through and not give me the same old tired advice and comments that I can get from any person around me.
I didn't mean to lash out at you or anyone here because I know we are all in various kinds of pain and we all have bad days.
I think I may try to take a little break from the board for a few days. This will also be my last post in this thread. I did consider not even responding, but I didn't want you to think I was ignoring you. I am sorry for the horrible pain that you're in and I can't imagine how you go on from day to day, particularly considering how long you've been sick.
I would like to say I hope you feel better, but I know your illness is not curable. I hope you at least have some ways to alleviate some of the pain.

 

[Sweet emotion]

I wanted to die when my first cat had to be put to sleep. I always do when animals have to be put to sleep or as an advocate reading horrible stories and participating in petitions, it really pains/kills me and lose hope in humanity thus wanting to die.

Why do you lose hope in humanity because animals die? You know they're not going to live forever. Nothing does. I hope that isn't your reason for coming on this site. I mean i don't hope you have awful problems or anything like that done get me wrong. I don't like that anyone suffers. But no reasonable s

Sweet Emotion,

My post was not directed at just you, even though you were the one who started this thread. This post is also not just directed at you, but is directed at all the other people on this thread who are complaining about other people on this site. I guess part of it is that I agree with what Soul said above, I find this thread puzzling. I come here for support and to vent frustrations that I have that I know a lot of other people on here share. Yes, there is a lot of complaining on this forum, but it's a forum for depressed people who are suicidal, so it's puzzling that someone would be upset about people complaining. What did you think depressed people and people who want to end their lives would be doing? Most people have nothing positive to say because they have nothing positive in their lives. And let's face it, it is a lot easier to be negative than it is to be positive, especially when you feel like your life is complete shit. I can certainly understand being fed up with it, but then why would you come on here if you're fed up with it and don't want to hear people complaining?

Secondly, as I said above, my post wasn't directed entirely at you, it was also directed at other people in this thread who were saying things that I guess were upsetting me because I felt like I was being attacked. The reason I felt like I was being attacked is because they were saying things that people in my real life say to me all the time, such as go on an antidepressant and go seek therapy.

As I've stated in many other threads, I have been doing various kinds of both anti-depressants and therapy since I was 13 in 1983. I've been on just about every antidepressant and a few antipsychotics and not one pill has ever made me feel even the tiniest bit better. They have, however, given me all sorts of horrific side effects, including the most recent one that I was put on and one of the few antidepressants that I had a little bit of hope might actually help me because it was one that I had never been on before, Wellbutrin.
However, just like every other antidepressant, it gave me severe side effects. First, I was severely dizzy, so dizzy that I was bumping into walls, and the entire room would feel like it was tilting sideways like I was on a carnival ride. I spent weeks dealing with that, and then just when it had subsided slightly, a new horrible side effect started. I started becoming so severely nauseous that I couldn't even hardly move without feeling like I was going to throw up. I spent 2 entire weeks doing nothing but lying in bed as still as I possibly could with a bucket next to me. Finally, I had to just quit taking the pill because I had stuff to do and I couldn't afford to be forced to lie around in bed or be perfectly still anymore. And I know for certain it was the Wellbutrin that was causing the side effects because just as soon as I quit taking it the side effects all disappeared. So when I hear people saying things like the following which you wrote in your original post:

They don't want to be on medication or talk to a therapist. So what do you expect people to do for you?

What I expect is for a doctor to offer me something other than the same old tired treatments that they've been offering me for the last 36 years. What I expect is for a doctor to actually listen to me and believe me when I tell him I have a problem and try to help me instead of being a condescending asshole, which is what usually happens when I go to a doctor.

Of course, when I look at it now I realize you were probably just venting, which I think is what we all come here for. In the moment however I felt personally attacked, not just by you but by some other members who were making comments.

The one that upset me the most, was this comment, from Misanthrop:

It is frustrating seeing entire professions denigrated like they are all the same. I was damaged by my doctor, but do not assume all doctors will damage me.

Up until I read this, I had decided I wasn't going to comment on this thread. I don't know why but I felt like this comment was directed at me, even though it probably wasn't. But for whatever reason it set me off. I've had multiple doctors in just about every field you can imagine act so insensitive and condescending toward me, that I do lump all doctors in the same basket. I don't trust doctors of any kind. I am in the shape I'm in today because I have illnesses that doctors have ignored for decades or only offered me the same treatment that didn't work the last time over and over again. And again this is another thing from my real life. Everyone around me keeps telling me if I just go to the doctor everything will be fine, so that's what I did and just like every other time I've ever been there, the doctor assumed he knew things about me that he couldn't possibly know because he had only known me for five minutes. And then he offered me the same treatment every other doctor has offered me: for my depression it's always one more antidepressant and more therapy. Just because it hasn't worked for the last 36 years doesn't mean it won't work this time, right?
For my thyroid, it's either ignoring it all together and telling me that my symptoms aren't real and I don't need a raise in my medicine, or if they do give me a raise it's so minuscule that it doesn't make any difference. I got a tiny raise back in August, so I've been doing my own experiment. I've been taking a double dose of my thyroid medicine ( that's 420 mg) just to see what it would do. It's done absolutely nothing. I've been taking it now for two weeks and I still don't feel any different. I think I've gone without the medicine that I need for so long that my thyroid is just never going to be right again.
I spent years and years going from one doctor to another begging anyone to give me the medicine that I needed and begging someone to believe me when I said my thyroid was not getting better. All I got in return was a lot of snotty condescending insults from doctors. I was called a hypochondriac, a "drug seeker", and a liar.
So I continued to get sicker and sicker and the doctors around me didn't do anything to help me.
So I guess when I hear people saying the same kind of things that people are saying to me in my real life on this board, it's very upsetting to me because I come here to get away from that. I come here to find people who understand what I'm going through and not give me the same old tired advice and comments that I can get from any person around me.
I didn't mean to lash out at you or anyone here because I know we are all in various kinds of pain and we all have bad days.
I think I may try to take a little break from the board for a few days. This will also be my last post in this thread. I did consider not even responding, but I didn't want you to think I was ignoring you. I am sorry for the horrible pain that you're in and I can't imagine how you go on from day to day, particularly considering how long you've been sick.
I would like to say I hope you feel better, but I know your illness is not curable. I hope you at least have some ways to alleviate some of the pain.

God you're going to wear the letters off your keyboard. I thought this was a place to ask people about how the best way of going about your decided choice of suicide was. I didn't know it was a support group because if you want to die then you're not looking for a support group. And I understand you come on here to talk about your problems and frustrations but how long can you keep doing that? Obviously nothing is changing is it if you're living on this page for months. I can't help that this is the way I feel. I've kind of just had it with the complaining over and over and over and over. I realize it doesn't get you anywhere. These are just words on a screen. No one is actually being helped or cured on this site. I thought people wanted to die if you came on this site. Not keep talking about the problem. Otherwise you wouldn't be suicidal. and the reason I came on this site was to ask someone who had experience in medicine if I had enough to kill myself. That's what I thought this place was. I didn't think it was a support group. But I saw a lot of people hurting and I was very compassionate with them. I know how many people I've reached out to. Do you ever just get sick of anything? This post was written about one person in particular who wanted to die because they weren't tall enough. Now give me a good damn break! Really? I'd love to give that person my disease and then let's see if their height is even on their mind. People have become so damn pissy and weak these days. I'm not saying just get over it but get off your ass and help yourself! And i don't mean you, I mean people in general. And I understand you want doctors to listen to you. Who doesn't right? But is that going to cure your depression just because a doctor listens to you? Sometimes I guess depression just has no cure. There's only so much doctors can do. I get mad at my doctors too for not being able to help me. I understand where you're coming from believe me I do. And no nothing alleviates the pain. Yes I have pain killers but that's all doctors can do. It may take my pain from a 10 to a 9. I basically have to just heavily sedated myself a lot of times. Like right now, the guy above me spray painted his bathtub and the fumes came down into my apartment and my eyes are burning out of my head. But nothing can help that. It's terribly frustrating I know. Hey keep taking your anger out at me. I don't personally know any of you so I don't take it personally. I'll be your proverbial punching bag.

 

[angele]

bruh...

 

[SinisterKid]

This is a PRO CHOICE forum, where you get support for any choices you make and that includes wanting to have another go at living. Its not just all about suicide and anyone who thinks that is sadly mistaken. Recovery is a ongoing process without time limits.

 

[Stan]

As much as I enjoy a 'lively' debate. This is getting dangerously close to becoming personal which I can only see individual pain being delivered in a place that is supposed to be a sanctuary.

 

[SoupSnakes]

God you're going to wear the letters off your keyboard. I thought this was a place to ask people about how the best way of going about your decided choice of suicide was. I didn't know it was a support group because if you want to die then you're not looking for a support group. And I understand you come on here to talk about your problems and frustrations but how long can you keep doing that? Obviously nothing is changing is it if you're living on this page for months. I can't help that this is the way I feel. I've kind of just had it with the complaining over and over and over and over. I realize it doesn't get you anywhere. These are just words on a screen. No one is actually being helped or cured on this site. I thought people wanted to die if you came on this site. Not keep talking about the problem. Otherwise you wouldn't be suicidal.

Ive spoken to many people on this site who, thanks to the support they've received from everyone on here, have decided to give life a go. Who are you to say why people should be on here or not? If you're that bothered by all of this and don't find it helpful, maybe you need to take a few days away and regroup your thoughts. Maybe come back when you have something a little less ridiculous to say.

@BlueWidow - I'm so sorry to hear about everything you have had going on. Please don't feel you need to step away from the site if you use it for support because of one idiots opinion.

Oh why don't you just fuck off and stop reading what I write then? No one is holding a gun to your head.

I'm not being rude to you so don't talk to me like that.

 

[I'm exhausted]

Why do you lose hope in humanity because animals die? You know they're not going to live forever. Nothing does. I hope that isn't your reason for coming on this site. I mean i don't hope you have awful problems or anything like that done get me wrong. I don't like that anyone suffers. But no reasonable s
God you're going to wear the letters off your keyboard. I thought this was a place to ask people about how the best way of going about your decided choice of suicide was. I didn't know it was a support group because if you want to die then you're not looking for a support group. And I understand you come on here to talk about your problems and frustrations but how long can you keep doing that? Obviously nothing is changing is it if you're living on this page for months. I can't help that this is the way I feel. I've kind of just had it with the complaining over and over and over and over. I realize it doesn't get you anywhere. These are just words on a screen. No one is actually being helped or cured on this site. I thought people wanted to die if you came on this site. Not keep talking about the problem. Otherwise you wouldn't be suicidal. and the reason I came on this site was to ask someone who had experience in medicine if I had enough to kill myself. That's what I thought this place was. I didn't think it was a support group. But I saw a lot of people hurting and I was very compassionate with them. I know how many people I've reached out to. Do you ever just get sick of anything? This post was written about one person in particular who wanted to die because they weren't tall enough. Now give me a good damn break! Really? I'd love to give that person my disease and then let's see if their height is even on their mind. People have become so damn pissy and weak these days. I'm not saying just get over it but get off your ass and help yourself! And i don't mean you, I mean people in general. And I understand you want doctors to listen to you. Who doesn't right? But is that going to cure your depression just because a doctor listens to you? Sometimes I guess depression just has no cure. There's only so much doctors can do. I get mad at my doctors too for not being able to help me. I understand where you're coming from believe me I do. And no nothing alleviates the pain. Yes I have pain killers but that's all doctors can do. It may take my pain from a 10 to a 9. I basically have to just heavily sedated myself a lot of times. Like right now, the guy above me spray painted his bathtub and the fumes came down into my apartment and my eyes are burning out of my head. But nothing can help that. It's terribly frustrating I know. Hey keep taking your anger out at me. I don't personally know any of you so I don't take it personally. I'll be your proverbial punching bag.

I'm speechless. Did you even read what I wrote? I said as an animal advocate and signing petitions, hopefully you do know what petitions are, try reading some of these horrible stories and one will make you sick. That is if you're compassionate as you claim to say you are. Death is inevitable but it's the cruelty and neglect and abuse that makes me lose hope in humanity, I spelled it out for you.

And yes i have a lot of problems so if you want to battle how bad your life is to mine then I'll post it. And so what if I wanted to die because of the animals, a vet committed suicide for having to euthanize so many innocent animals. It means we're empathetic. Sorry about that. You said you came here to see if you have enough meds to die but you're still here so why can't it be true for others. You sound very hypocritical. I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt but just like you are on here to vent, others are allowed to do so.

P.S. after telling my story to some people here, some have said they would've killed themselves much sooner. So you're not the only one with a lot of pain. You may have the ultimate physical pain but then I have the ultimate emotional and mental pain.

 

[LonelyLight]

You said you came here to see if you have enough meds to die but you're still here so why can't it be true for others. You sound very hypocritical. I tried to give you the benefit of the doubt but just like you are on here to vent, others are allowed to do so.

Gotta agree. I'm sorry OP but you are sounding quite hypocritical in your postings. I do hope you are okay, I cannot imagine living with your condition. But we all suffer in our own ways.

 

[TrailerTrash]

Yeah ....... all these thoughts ....... and a bag of chips. I've wished I were dead since age 12 so not sure if that makes me this year's winner of the Pathetic Member Award (i'd like to thank the Academy and forum members who voted for me - blush at the mic) or underachiever because I haven't made good on the desire/intent until this month.

 

[Stan]

Let's all settle down and have a nice cup of tea.

 

[Sad_Autistic_boy_101]

I understand what you are saying but this website is for people who want to die, regardless of whatever issues, big or small. Someones ex dying could be the biggest thing for them, and other contributing factors just push them over the edge. There are a lot of people who have tried therapy and medication, and just like me it's failed them, society has failed them, and also it is really hard to afford therapy or medication, some people are not fortunate to be able to get that. No one has it worst regardless of physical or mental pain, everyone is equal with the right to die, some people on here may not want to die but lack social interaction which this page provides. I'm not trying to sound like a dick or anything, as we have commented on each others posts and such so no hard feelings hopefully.

 

[BPD_LE]

 

[Stan]

So the conclusion that I am sure we can all agree with is..............

 

[Skathon]

But when someone wants to die because they he/she finds the human body disgusting, I think they're he's/she's just plain off in the head, and I say to myself "Oh god, stop complaining and just do it already".

You wish we were dead as soon as possible? I agree, then. Pass the rope?

And I understand, it's very tragic when an animal has to be put down, but if you want to kill yourself because of that, then you need help immediately. Because that means your life is lacking so much in so many ways, and there's something wrong with your brain.

...grief is "something wrong"? Very well, then.

I didn't know it was a support group, because if you want to die, then you're not looking for a support group.

True warriors which desire to be worthy of Valhalla fight alone and die in battle, yes.

You may block my account in advance.