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Defatigatis

Defatigatis

And at my funeral, i didn't see you there...
Aug 16, 2022
37
I'm not referring to the desire for CTB itself, but rather a strong feeling, intuition, call it what you will, that tells you you won't live that long.

I've felt this just before getting my hands on the medications for the SN protocol. I feel it even more today, which was precisely when my SN arrived.
I don't know what to think. I'm trying to distract myself and focus on the plans i've made with someone i'm in a relationship with... But i can't. Everything seems fake, small, superficial and it is increasingly difficult to bear being limited to this physical body and this world. — told myself that i just wanted to get everything ready and leave whenever I wanted. But it seems that the proportion of this has increased.
 
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OnMyLast Legs

OnMyLast Legs

Too many regrets
Oct 29, 2024
254
Yes, but without a plan. I know there's no way I can live with the wretchedness of my young adulthood and somehow put a smile back on my face. 20-35 was one long moral collapse. I have no career, education, anything. This has to end.

Nice job getting the SN stuff.
 
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ringo99

ringo99

Mage
Apr 18, 2023
531
I'm 37 years old and have lost all hope of ever making something positive out of my life. Everything I've tried failed. Even getting a masters in business administration couldn't get me a promotion or a better job. Now I'm forced to learn highly technical certifications that are difficult to grasp at my age notwithstanding a neurological condition that makes it extremely hard to retain information. Without them I'll no longer be employable. A career change now is unthinkable. I need help that I'm never going to get. So tired of living and fighting at such a basic level under constant stress. I wish my country made it easy to get a gun like in some US states so I could end it painlessly with a bullet to the brain, but SN will have to do.
 
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MissAbyss

MissAbyss

"Yada, yada, yada..."
Jul 20, 2025
251
Yes, I can't really put it into words. It's like an inner knowing. In the final stages of finding acceptance and closure with the last pieces of the puzzle to complete the puzzle.
 
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Defatigatis

Defatigatis

And at my funeral, i didn't see you there...
Aug 16, 2022
37
Yes, I can't really explain it into words. It's like an inner knowing. In the final stages of finding acceptance and closure with the last pieces of the puzzle to complete the puzzle.
I would express what i am feeling in the exactly same way.
It seems that all that remains to me is... total detachment from material things and finally moving on.
 
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unluckysadness

unluckysadness

Warlock
Jul 9, 2025
722
I'm 43 and I didn't expect to live that long. Only suffering. I hope I'll be free soon.
 
shampoo sniffer

shampoo sniffer

Lather rinse repeat
Aug 10, 2025
174
I'm 34 (I'll be 35 in December) If I was a cavewoman, I'd consider myself long lived.
 
autumn68

autumn68

Member
Apr 4, 2025
26
i've felt this every day for at least the last year. i have pretty bad anxiety and ocd so it's partially related to that but idk. it feels very real
 
P

peewee

Member
Oct 16, 2025
50
hoping it will be over in 2 days if I can get the courage
 
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T

Terrible_Life_99

Experienced
Jul 3, 2025
233
Yes I think my time has come. There's no reason to continue living. I wake up and the suffering begins until i go back to sleep. I fulfill no function I'm not helping, I'm not useful but instead just a wreck. I should have done it years ago and i regret that.
 
B

braintorture

Member
Oct 19, 2025
15
wish it was. I was planning my suicide and planned it for next week or so but unfortunately I've been kicked out yesterday and I have to post pone my plans in a twisted turn of events and unfortunately (again) my anger and survival instincts are too high for me to have the strength to go back into planning suicide. so now I'm forced to try one more time to survive.
I definitely feel it coming though. I am probably not making it past 2026.
 

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