Yes, this happens to me almost constantly. I can have days that are going well, but when I do something wrong I'll beat myself up over it all day long, especially if it is something that someone else noticed and it typically happens at work more than anywhere else. When I start doing that, it's really hard to get my positive thoughts back because I start feeling like I am worthless and thinking that I should kill myself. From there, it's a downward spiral that ends with me obsessing over methods until I finally get to a place where I can sleep, and then I usually get high and go to bed. Sometimes I'll wake up feeling a little better, but other times not better at all.
It seems pointless to keep going through this cycle over and over and I often wish that I could get off of this stupid hamster wheel and get on the bus instead, but because of people in my life that I don't want to suffer the effects of me doing it, I just don't. Sometimes I get so sick of waiting around for them that I start to see them as obstacles that are in my way, instead of people that I care about, and it makes me want to get it over with and just let them suffer. It makes me want to leave a note behind that says "Surprise motherfuckers! I'm dead!" and let them sort it out from there.
Sometimes the things that cause this downward spiral have nothing to do with anything I've done, but is instead caused by being reminded of how shitty our world is, the actions of other people, and even just feeling tired can get this cycle started all over again. I hate it, but it's a thing that I have to deal with. I'm going to try a new medication (despite how much I distrust doctors) just to see if it makes these mood changes less extreme, but I don't have much hope that it will.
