Discussion does anyone else yearn to ctb?

[cyanidekitty]

im not sure how id want to, but i think my choices would be sn (classic ik lol), drug overdose, or maybe even something a little more extreme although i wouldnt wanna traumatize more ppl than i have to tbh.

i just want to know what it feels like to spend those last moments looking up at the ceiling waiting to pass on or whatever the hell else i may be doing.

i just wonder about those who passed on in this forum. & i wonder about those around them. & i wonder about their last few seconds & the person that had to discover them like tha.

and i yearn to know what happens when you die but on my own accord. thats why ctb would be so important to me. my life doesnt necessarily suck although i do have issues internally & when it comes to others

i just would love to ctb. im not sure when, but that doesnt really matter, that'll always be one of my options

 

[forfever]

yea most of us want to ctb. its a suicide forum.
very sad that you, a person whose life "doesnt necessary suck" want to throw it away. you will traumatize people around you no matter the method.
i hope you reconsider

 

[SoLowHollow48]

Everyone is anxious before they do this but when the decision's been made, you sort of just feel this feeling of peace. That's what my ex told the people here before she did SN. I didn't get to talk to her before she dies. That's sort of why the SN megathread recommends there being some antidepressants/downers involved so you're calm through and through when you do it. She got her hands on some because she was already medicated before.

Listen, I have not recovered to this day. It may only be a year but ask me again in 5 years and I'll tell you that in the dark of night, I'll still be crying over her--over my failure to keep her around. The people around you want to help you but only if you take their hand. Your brain is going to fight you and tell you that these people only love you when you're normal or these people are pressuring you to be "okay" again but that shit isn't true.

You'll tell yourself that your're a burden but you ain't. If you're a burden, no one would have tried reaching out or tried stopping you once they know that you're suicidal. Some people have the misfortune of being surrounded by these bastards who don't take them seriously. Like my ex.

So... I don't know. Yeah I guess I also yearn to see her again and my father. I particularly want to see my father again.

But I know the absolute horrid shit that is the aftermath of a suicide so I put that shit behind and just keep carrying myself for others that I care for.

 

[FuneralCry]

Yes, to permanently cease existing and finally be at peace from this dreadful, torturous and harmful existence that I just always saw as the most terrible tragic mistake is all I'd ever hope for, existence to me is always an abomination that just harms and tortures existing beings with no limit as to how much agony one can feel and all I see as positive is never suffering ever again.

I just want to be permanently unconscious with this torturous, cruel existence all gone and forgotten, I'll just always see existence as the problem and it's one only non-existence can bring me peace from. Only in non-existence will I be at peace from the terrible suffering and torture of existing and there's just so much evil in existing with existing beings in agony every second, I just find it so horrific how the torture of existing can continue for decades longer just for one to face the terrible extreme torture of old age.

 

[itsgone2]

Yes. I'd love to just switch it all off. Unfortunately something brutal needs to happen first.