Does anyone else want to die as soon as possible?

[lilurki]

Is there anyone else who just wants nothing more to ensure they don't make it to tomorrow? I'm supposed to start a new job tomorrow and I just can't seem to care. Nothing brings me joy anymore, I just wish I could ctb already but I don't have the means to and it's not fair.

 

[Halfhourdays]

I feel the same. I wish I could go to sleep and never wake up.

 

[milkteacrown]

Right now, I don't feel enough emotional depth to even want to die. But when I do, I feel the same as you. I wish SN wasn't so hard to come by.

 

[ForeverCaHa]

Very much. Waiting for my CTB date is taking all of my willpower

 

[Namelesa]

Purely for myself I would want to die right now. I don't see any benefit for me if I were to continue my life as I won't care about living in death when in life I can want to die and suffer greatly. My life is only a benefit to others that are alive. I literally can't kill myself due to me being trapped but even if I had a method I am deciding to live to benefit others (mostly people here) as I feel obligated to lessen others suffering if I can even if it sacrifices my own wants and needs.

 

[SufferingInDenmark]

i have a few tasks left here on earth, and then i'm ready.
won't bee too too long

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

when i think about it logically and not distracted by addictions like youtube, TV , social media ,news etc. i do want to die asap and kill myself asap. i don't think it's going to happen me dying by wishing alone . and if i do die naturally it probably will be very painful so another reason i want to suicide to control my life and to minimize my suffering. but i guess the desire , the will to do could lead to the will to act. the hardest part for me is saying no to previous additions / habits and working to get my suicide plan decided method decided and read y to go, working on that hours per day. imo only massive action every day fast will get me to get out of this hell and these traps fast.

 

[Aprilwithcake]

so ready to go soon as mmy sn arives im done.

 

[FishRain3469]

I do....But I don't. My state of mind/ well being is So extremelyy Fucked off lately, I've found myself in a weird and most awkward limbo.

I don't even have much to do or plan... Other than pulling the Damn Fckn trigger.. Damnt, Fml. So simple, but Not easy by any means.. -

 

[lilurki]

I do....But I don't. My state of mind/ well being is So extremelyy Fucked off lately, I've found myself in a weird and most awkward limbo.

I don't even have much to do or plan... Other than pulling the Damn Fckn trigger.. Damnt, Fml. So simple, but Not easy by any means.. -

I literally keep fantasizing about the cold metal in my mouth and pulling the trigger every day man

 

[FishRain3469]

Mmm, Damn. Yeah I feel ya on that man. Most understandable.

 

[FuneralCry]

I understand as to not exist is all I personally hope for, I just want to never suffer ever again, I'd always prefer to not exist than suffer all for the sake of it in this cruel, futile existence I never would had chosen, for me non-existence is all that's desirable and positive, I suffer so much from how I cannot just have the option to simply cease existing in peace as non-existence really is all I hope for. I find it the most torturous burden to exist and I'd never wish for any of this rather more than anything I wish I was never forced to suffer at all, for me existence itself is the true problem, simply just existing is enough to make me wish to not exist, to me existence really does feel like a mistake.

 

[pthnrdnojvsc]

I literally keep fantasizing about the cold metal in my mouth and pulling the trigger every day man

how often do you do this and for how long have you? how many times a day. do you have a gun yet ?

just asking cause maybe if i start that i can get to actually do it . to get an estimate for the time it would take to get for me to take action and do it. .

 

[divinemistress36]

If there was an easy peaceful way out Hell ya I would die today

 

[Michelstaedter]

Something curious happens to me. If I had the opportunity to decide when to do it, I probably would have done it 15-20 years ago or so. The morality of your social context can push you to think things like "it's a bad thing," "your family will miss you," "it's not worth doing," and other such nonsense, which is nothing more than a mind game to prevent someone from doing it or even persuade them to do it until they change their mindset and see that life, unbearable and boring, can have its enjoyable aspects, even if they are few in relation to what is suffered.
Currently, my pet is about to die; I don't want to die before her. I would think that my father, given his age, would simply wait a few years to do it as long as he doesn't suffer for me. However, I realize something: What is it? My mind.
My thoughts seek to sabotage me, seek to make me feel like this shit—painful, unbearable, desperate—can be endured if one gets used to it; seeking to die is a nuisance. Procrastination and postponing the inevitable are also sabotage. While my pet isn't an excuse, because I love him and don't want to be by his side when he dies, he continues to fuel the idea of postponing, and so on. It may be unconscious, a mental mechanism, or simply that deep down (and indeed on the surface) I'm afraid of pain, and since death is pain, I'm afraid of death.
Do I want to die as soon as possible? Yes, but more than anything, I'd like to be realistic and know that I can do it at any time.

 

[gothbird]

As soon as I tie up some loose ends and receive my SN in the mail, I'm off.

 

[Loser1989]

I just want to say, congratulations on the job. I know how hard it is, from a personal perspective, to put yourself out there and apply, interview and even get the job. I hope these don't sound like hollow words because they aren't, but I am proud of you. I feel like you do, I have some work lined up, but I am trying my hardest to push past it, and I hope you can try to. This could be very good for you.

If you want to chat just hit me up, I really know how you feel.

 

[BlueButterfly111]

I feel the same way!

 

[wham311]

Fuçkign yes. Have ordered an but likely have gastroparesis and orders aren't arriving anyways. Can't get gun bc don't have id and si prevents me from even trying to engage with this one and I'd fuck it up. Looking for trees to hang from all day but everything I find is going to be out in the open and someone would come. It's also too cold to do it and I'm sure I'd fuck it up

This is miserable. All I do to distract myself from my problems all day is go on this site and research methods and im out of methods to research.

I will never recover. I am stuck in this thiughtloop for the rest of my life. Everything hurts. I am frantic

 

[ilvgore]

the longer i stay the worse my life gets so yeah

 

[pappapgold]

I'll be going in the next few hours, argon will be my means to leave this ugly hateful world.

 

[sanction]

Yup. Almost everyday I think about leaving this world. Unfortunately there is no easy way to do this, thats why still stuck here

 

[oneeyed]

I feel so done with life or whatever this is. So much anxiety, worry, worthlessness, and never ending grind everyday. I just can't seem to get the courage. Strange because I've attempted before and seemingly with less trouble doing so but I was also under extreme stress and it was on a whim.

I have what I need, how do I overcome si and execute it?

 

[lilurki]

how often do you do this and for how long have you? how many times a day. do you have a gun yet ?

just asking cause maybe if i start that i can get to actually do it . to get an estimate for the time it would take to get for me to take action and do it. .

Pretty much anytime I remember how bad I've biffed things as well as when anything minorly inconvenient happens. I probably won't be able to go out via my preferred method aka beautiful handgun because I unfortunately am ineligible due to being put in an involuntary hold so I won't pass the background check to buy on sigh.

 

[davidtorez]

I hope my plane crashes next week

 

[Archamais]

My depression is so bad if im not at work, im sleeping. My dreams dont even give me peace as i relive my past traumas and feel just as awful as i do when im awake.

I wish every day that i dont wake up tomorrow.

What a horrible existence.

Edit: spelling

 

[CarrotEater]

Does anyone else want to die as soon as possible?

Yeah, I think you came to the right place.
I might do another weak attempt tomorrow, if it doesn't work I won't have an opportunity to try for a long time.

 

[J&L383]

Purely for myself I would want to die right now. I don't see any benefit for me if I were to continue my life as I won't care about living in death when in life I can want to die and suffer greatly. My life is only a benefit to others that are alive. I literally can't kill myself due to me being trapped but even if I had a method I am deciding to live to benefit others (mostly people here) as I feel obligated to lessen others suffering if I can even if it sacrifices my own wants and needs.

 

[nicole_be_gone]

I'm currently waiting for my things for the sn method to arrive but every day i fall asleep and every day i wake up with the wish to die as fast as possible. There's nothing more to do and specially nothing more to enjoy in this world for me

 

[hhtroc]

yes, im grinding the post counter i need to search for access. Its fucking hell and i feel like a caged animal every single minute