Thank you. The problem is I don't know how to word it in a way that doesn't seem mad. It's already been pointed out I seem a bit off so how can I change that?
i think what the other user meant was, when we say such things like this to other people, another persons first thought is gonna be, well something HAS TO BE WRONG WITH THEM, right? that's what we assume, and this sort of judgement is what stops us from reaching out and even talking to people as a whole; fearing we wouldn't be understood and further invalidated, so why even try?
for me, and just cause i've volunteered for crisis programs, i didn't see anything that makes you seem crazy at all, nor alarming. the only thing that i would be concerned about, if i heard this from someone else, was how you talked about choking yourself in you're sleep, etc. it becomes clear that there are thoughts of self-harm and it would then be a concern for you're well-being and health to PREVENT you from this potential self-harm.
however, if you were to REASSURE that you don't have the intention to actually act on these thoughts and feelings and that there simply emotions and feelings that you're currently fighting, that's enough to stop you from being seen as "crazy" and thus, not a danger to yourself and others. Reassurance is key. They need to know that it's simply just thoughts and emotions and you have absolutely no intention on actually wanting to do these things. to me, from reading you're post, i don't truly believe you have the desire to hurt yourself like it may seem you do with these dreams, this figure, etc. it's deeper rooted unresolved feelings and emotions, it's complex and isn't just about you hurting yourself.
an example i could give is individuals on the forum in the past who have had violent ideations on wanting to hurt others and themselves. individuals talked about having thoughts about hurting others, but never at all had the INTENTION on actually carrying out these thoughts. but when you tell another person, "hey i'm having thoughts of hurting myself and other people", the first thing a person is gonna assume is that you're insane, and to prevent anything from happening, you're gonna have to be locked up. however, there intention isn't to hurt others, it's just the thoughts and dreams they have, because of underlying influences; ex, some took medication that influenced violent ideations and through talking about it, resolved these ideations by addressing the issue of certain meds. But they began the conversation, REASSURING THAT THEY WOULDN'T ACT ON THESE THOUGHTS.
obviously these are two completely different situations and circumstances for two different people. however, they both involve reassurance and intent. i'd suggest you start off by stating you aren't a harm and danger to yourself and others and reassure that these are simply thoughts and nothing more, it gives reassurance that you know right from wrong, aren't experiencing delusions that impair you're irl behavior, etc.
to help with this, i'd ask you to put yourself in the shoes of someone else, a listener. if you were listening to yourself as someone else talking about you're problems, how would you react? how would you feel? this allows you to change how you'd say things and make them more worded, phrased, more appropriate, based on you're own reaction to it; allowing you to make a LESS ALARMING response.
reassurance. assuring there's ZERO intent behind you're thoughts and feelings that would harm you. and then, letting how you feel out. STATING reassurance and intent earlier on, before you dive into venting about you're thoughts goes A LONG WAY and makes you seem less of a danger to yourself or "crazy". after all, there you're thoughts and they shouldn't be caged and trapped inside of you.
