does anyone else say "i wanna kill myself" to themselves at random points during the day?

[SofterSoftest]

Yes, this is pretty much a soundtrack to my everyday life. Although I do get feelings of wanting to end my life when I dredge up certain memories, most of the time my most intense feelings surface when I am faced with a problem I just don't have the emotional energy to deal with.

 

[Huntfish34]

That's all a part of my vocabulary on an almost daily, constant, neverending basis. It's unrelenting;. Almost downright Fckn maddening. I hate it to say the Least. Fml. -

 

[blalost]

I do and also call myself a moron, disgusting and worthless all day

 

[Orange010]

All the time

 

[victoria91]

Yup. I say it at least 10 times a day I think, and during the night now. Maybe I'll start counting

 

[jamie_]

Yeah it happens multiple times a day, the weird thing is that it happens the most when I am doing something I enjoyed or meeting some people that remind me of people I loved. It just comes by saying "We both know how it is going to end anyway" and "Maybe they'll be better of not dealing with your shit".

exactly this. it is not even bad things happening, it is a reminder of the bad things. i can't do anything i onced enjoyed for too long because it actually makes me feel worse. trying to get better makes me feel ill.

 

[Snatsbats]

Nope, but if problems occur or i dont feel well i always comfort myself by saying:" it doesnt matter, i will soon kill myself and it wil all be over".

 

[not-2-b-the-answer]

I usually say "I wanna die or I can't wait to die" so many times I can't count.
I don't know if anyone has heard me. No one has ever said anything.
It does happen the most when something goes wrong.

 

[Lost Magic]

I do. There is a voice in my head that tells me to end it at least once per day. It's very draining.

 

[catasia]

Everyday, but I say ' I wanna die' usually. I also close my eyes and watch myself with a gun pointing to my head.

 

[4hrs50min]

I'm sorry we're so many in this position. I have sort of the same mantra, or atleast I tell myself "I'm such an idiot" al ot. Spent the last 6 months obsessing over the year before that full of only bad decisions/drugs, I find myself also obsessing over de last 7-8 years and questioning how I could be so stupid. Catching the bus would probably mean that my story becomes cemented as a total failure for close and not so close ones, that in itself makes it a bit harder for direct "I want to kms" thoughts. But on the other hand once I'm dead I won't care. The knowledge of how insanely difficult it is to actually ctb is probably the nr1 reason I don't think about my death directly. Sure it will be over but as it is now it's a lot, maybe 30+ more years before that if not some miracle help me ctb or recover.

 

[chris121]

So many times a day I get that feeling

 

[Life_and_Death]

ive progressed to the point i ask my "husband" to suffocate me to death. its normal for my friends to hear "i want to kms"

 

[theboy]

me 2

 

[feder]

YES. Over the past few years I've also noticed that every time I have bad thoughts I tell myself "I wanna kill myself" or "I want to shoot myself".
Is anyone else's first response to a failure or a feeling of self hatred to tell themselves that they should be dead not only saying it but actually feeling it.

 

[imlookingforward]

i just did it today lol

 

[WorthlessTrash]

Always, and I mean every word of it.

 

[tams]

It's my go to phrase when even the slightest thing goes wrong.

 

[corazon]

I wake up and I think "dang it"

 

[jamie_]

update – still doing this. think i might have adhd in how i replay memories over and over.

 

[warriorofeld]

Yup "I'm gonna die" comes out of my mouth (usually under my breath ) whenever I replay memories as well

 

[leloyon]

Happens to me all the time. Every day I am consumed by constant reminders of uncomfortable memories.