does anyone else say "i wanna kill myself" to themselves at random points during the day?

[jamie_]

i'll get a random memory totally unrelated to what i'm doing that makes me feel pain or anger and i found ive made a habit of saying "i want to kill myself" in response everytime. happens pretty much 3-4 a times a day on average i say and can never go too long feeling at peace before it happens. i can never get into something because of it.

 

[Sadboyspecimen]

Every single day. Multiple times a day. I have a lot of bad memories that I'm half convinced at this point are actually false memories that I believed went differently when they happened because I'm actually a terrible person.

 

[LeavingEarly]

I have suicidal thoughts all day every day

 

[FrozenMango]

I hear you. I do the same. I wish i could stab myself

 

[brokensea]

I say this to myself many times a day.

 

[MountainMonkey]

My usual monologue to the universe goes something like this. "Fuck you for making me suffer. I bet this is entertaining for you. I hope you feel my pain tenfold. Please let me find Nembutal".

 

[chloramine]

I do near exactly that as well. Sometimes it happens while I'm doing something completely innocuous too. I could just be driving or reading or whatever and. There it is. I'm sorry that's something you experience as well.

 

[Everlong]

I'm 46 and had these thoughts since I was 16. Suicidal ideation has been like a pistol on my waist. No matter how bad it gets, I have a way out. Now my life choices have finally self sabotaged. It is time. My life is absolutely destroyed and more than ever, this thought is like opium. Warm and heaven sent. Putting my shit in order feels like the greatest purpose of my life. I'm finally going to face that bastard (SI) and see what I'm made of.

 

[Obliviate]

Same.

 

[MountainMonkey]

My usual monologue to the universe goes something like this. "Fuck you for making me suffer. I bet this is entertaining for you. I hope you feel my pain tenfold. Please help me find Nembutal"

 

[nottheend]

I just want to kill myself haha thought that was only me

 

[Zegers]

it's more like-sigh* look up* i want to die

 

[akana]

yeah i did this a lot

 

[chocolatebar]

Not in a direct way like that, but I often have suicidal thoughts as part of decision processes.

 

[WhatPowerIs]

First thing in the morning before I have to go to school.

 

[thebunny]

as someone who's at constant war with themselves, saying 'i wanna kms/die' is my automatic response whenever something bad happens. having suicidal thoughts is like, clockwork at this point. it's exhausting and i wish all of this would end soon.

 

[Hangnail]

I don't say it out loud but I think it multiple times throughout the day.

 

[DrekSS]

Yeah it happens multiple times a day, the weird thing is that it happens the most when I am doing something I enjoyed or meeting some people that remind me of people I loved. It just comes by saying "We both know how it is going to end anyway" and "Maybe they'll be better of not dealing with your shit".

 

[redeyepiranha]

This is my first thought when I wake up

 

[Hollowillow]

i'll get a random memory totally unrelated to what i'm doing that makes me feel pain or anger and i found ive made a habit of saying "i want to kill myself" in response everytime. happens pretty much 3-4 a times a day on average i say and can never go too long feeling at peace before it happens. i can never get into something because of it.

Yes. Not out loud. As a child the voice in my head said that I'd get in trouble if I spoke to him out loud. Turns out I had conversations with my rational brain. A car basically killed him... I wish I was dead instead of brain damaged... and breathing the toxic acid mess I made & can't undo... I deserve to die...

Maybe we say it at the slightest annoyance because we're exhausted. I became hysterical when asked to basically fill a form

 

[StrangePossum]

I also do this a lot, basically when I get frustrated or angry with something, or if my family is being idiotic. I think it might be a small way for me to comfort myself, since it's a reminder that there's always a way out if things get too bad.

 

[again_noidea]

i often think to myself. "Fuck, i need to kill myself soon" There is no "I want"... always "I need, because i can't handle my situation and i don't want to endure it anymore" I have These thoughts now for more then 20 years, almost daily, there are some phases where I'm hopeful and life seems meaningful again. Unfortunately these times never lasted for long, then i become hopeless and the "thoughts" haunt me again and i know again, "fucking shit, i really have to end this through my own hands" Sometimes i try to ignore these thoughts, because they do not tell me anything new, they only mention the obvious, so i don't need to hear in all the freaking time. I know that i have to end it... but I somehow keep on living because there is another voice, not so clear, but powerful, that I can endure and see what happens... Well, I hardly know myself anymore, my sense of direction is heavily compromised.

 

[Forever Sleep]

Absolutely. Have these thoughts multiple times throughout the day. Kind of realised that death has been the most consistent wish throughout my life. I guess I'll get my wish eventually. Just wish I had the guts to just do it.

 

[carnivore]

Yes

 

[Pluto]

At work, especially when sleep deprived, I find that "I want to die" is an endlessly repeated maxim at various times throughout the day. It's become somewhat involuntary; I worry about someone overhearing it.

 

[FuneralCry]

I am certainly always thinking about it. I wish that dying is as easy as just wishing to leave. Suicide makes a lot of sense to me as it would solve all of my problems. In fact I see life itself as being the problem. I could never see life as being worth living no matter what and simply just being conscious and aware makes me have thoughts about suicide. It's perfectly rational wanting to escape from a world where there is unlimited potential for suffering.

 

[Fadeawaaaay]

It is the sub text to my every waking moment

 

[TheManIllNeverBe]

Yup. Every day here. Repeat "I'm going to kill myself" randomly throughout the day. Even when doing something innocuous like sitting on the couch watching TV at night. Has been happening for years. I have Tourettes syndrome so I always attributed it to some weird random vocal tic, but it's interesting to see so many other people experience it as well. Might just be from the side of me that's wanted to escape this life all along.

 

[narval]

I usually say "god kill me pls"

 

[Al0neAlwayz]

i'll get a random memory totally unrelated to what i'm doing that makes me feel pain or anger and i found ive made a habit of saying "i want to kill myself" in response everytime. happens pretty much 3-4 a times a day on average i say and can never go too long feeling at peace before it happens. i can never get into something because of it.

All the time. Just happened earlier. A song came on that reminded me of my family who won't speak to me and I was thinking to myself how I just want/need to die....

as someone who's at constant war with themselves, saying 'i wanna kms/die' is my automatic response whenever something bad happens. having suicidal thoughts is like, clockwork at this point. it's exhausting and i wish all of this would end soon.