My parents were mentally ill, fucked up, and poor yet they decided to have not one but two kids. Seriously I have nothing but hatred and contempt for both of them.
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sanction
sanctioned
- Mar 15, 2019
- 646
I absolutely do. You're definitely not alone
FuneralCry
Just wanting some peace
- Sep 24, 2020
- 43,730
I do understand as personally I find it so terrible to exist, never existing would have saved me from all this suffering, I find it so dreadful how I was forced into existence even know there are no disadvantages to never existing at all yet there no limit as to how unbearable the agony this existence causes can get.
To me existence truly does feel like the most terrible, horrific mistake that just causes endless amounts of cruelty and suffering and to me it's all just so futile and unnecessary anyway creating problems there was never a need for, and what is so cruel to me is how despite the fact that this existence was imposed I cannot just have the option to painlessly free myself from it in peace to save myself from all future meaningless suffering in an existence that just leads to decay and death anyway. Non-existence is all I personally hope for, I'd never wish for existence as it's the source of all suffering, to simply be conscious at all is a burden I was never meant for, more than anything I wish I never existed, I suffer simply from existing.
To me existence truly does feel like the most terrible, horrific mistake that just causes endless amounts of cruelty and suffering and to me it's all just so futile and unnecessary anyway creating problems there was never a need for, and what is so cruel to me is how despite the fact that this existence was imposed I cannot just have the option to painlessly free myself from it in peace to save myself from all future meaningless suffering in an existence that just leads to decay and death anyway. Non-existence is all I personally hope for, I'd never wish for existence as it's the source of all suffering, to simply be conscious at all is a burden I was never meant for, more than anything I wish I never existed, I suffer simply from existing.
NearlyIrrelevantCake
The Cake Is A Lie
- Aug 12, 2021
- 1,804
I blame my father.
My mother wanted to abort me and he forced her not to do it. As a kid, Dad bragged to me about that, as if I was supposed to kiss his ass for saving my life. It just made me hate him more for violating Mom's bodily autonomy.
My mother wanted to abort me and he forced her not to do it. As a kid, Dad bragged to me about that, as if I was supposed to kiss his ass for saving my life. It just made me hate him more for violating Mom's bodily autonomy.
dembe
No lights, No music, JUST ANGER
- Feb 13, 2023
- 33
kinda, i mean yes in the beginning but as much now ive just kinda accepted it, im here, no changing it unless i toughen up so im not as hateful as before
Ozzyno
Lovely loner.
- Oct 10, 2024
- 178
I do, I always tell my mom that I don't know what was the idea behind having three children when we live in such a bad place socially. My two brothers are older than me and both of them are without family so we are three 'losers' in that regard. And don't think we are losers in general: all of us have good jobs, a good place to live, we are not bad looking at all and people consider us pretty smart people. It's just a shitty place with very few people and we all probably were unfortunate.
I'm 26 and I cannot get up to go to work no more, sometimes it's almost tiring to get a shower which is ridiculous, I think they are as miserable as I am. My mom still thinks we can do it in some way but the reality is just sad. She doesn't understand how bad the place is since demographically it changed a lot in just 30 years…
I'm 26 and I cannot get up to go to work no more, sometimes it's almost tiring to get a shower which is ridiculous, I think they are as miserable as I am. My mom still thinks we can do it in some way but the reality is just sad. She doesn't understand how bad the place is since demographically it changed a lot in just 30 years…
Yes. I told my mother that I wish I was never born and she said she told her mother the same thing.
At least this stops with me.
At least this stops with me.
Margin3458
Almost at the End
- Nov 13, 2024
- 29
Thats also one of my biggest problems. My parents. My mom is depressive and my dad was a weed addict. They were in their early 20s when they got me. I am just thinking how tf does one want to get a child under this circumstances. My mom was the only one that remotely cared about me sometimes but even that stopped when my parents split. My dad never cared about me. Im not even sure if ill leave them a note when i finally CTB. If i should write a note ill defiantly tell them, what a piece of shit they were the las decades.
finallydone
Student
- Aug 18, 2024
- 130
can't stress it enough
but 2 isn't even a number, mine had 10+, so i think you're not the unluckiest one in the world
but 2 isn't even a number, mine had 10+, so i think you're not the unluckiest one in the world
KillingPain267
Visionary
- Apr 15, 2024
- 2,019
Yes, but what does resentment help my situation? We need the right to suicide with painless drugs, not resentment for what we can't change anymore.
thetruetato
Suicidal Femboy :3
- Jan 1, 2024
- 157
Part of me wants to, but I can't really blame my parents because they didn't know any better because society teaches people to have kids.
Same experience I hate them like crazy and the worst part is they projected this shit on me growing up.
LostLily
Why do I exist?
- Nov 18, 2024
- 758
Yup, I didn't consent to a life with all it's challenges and hardship. I consider having child very selfish because you subject them to a life with pain.
Yeah. I understand they're just part of a system that's bigger than them but still I feel resentment over them not being properly prepared to have a child.
mangotango0249
Member
- Nov 8, 2024
- 26
Yes.
I remember when I was 8 years old, my father cheated on my mother, and she has bpd+violent tendencies. Then she held a kitchen knife against my neck threatening my father that she'll silt it unless he got the fuck out of the house. I still remember everything so vividly.
Then when I turned 11 they got fed up with each other and me, then they sent me to Canada which was about 13 hours flight away from my homecountry in east Asia. I was sent to northern canada where it was winter for the most of the year and I didn't even know fucking alphabets back then, I had some shit homestay 'guadians' that my parents paid off for but I just remember being completely isolated, completely alone. And I dont wanna talk the being sa'd by the the 'guardian' everything is just too much to think about I couldnt do anything I couldnt call the police because I couldnt speak English.
I didn't talk to them pretty much ever since and I have no friends and no families really anywhere.
Now I'm a 24 years old useless mess with crippling bpd and anxiety and depression. I'm not sure where it came from though:) must be all the videos games I played in my teens years
I remember when I was 8 years old, my father cheated on my mother, and she has bpd+violent tendencies. Then she held a kitchen knife against my neck threatening my father that she'll silt it unless he got the fuck out of the house. I still remember everything so vividly.
Then when I turned 11 they got fed up with each other and me, then they sent me to Canada which was about 13 hours flight away from my homecountry in east Asia. I was sent to northern canada where it was winter for the most of the year and I didn't even know fucking alphabets back then, I had some shit homestay 'guadians' that my parents paid off for but I just remember being completely isolated, completely alone. And I dont wanna talk the being sa'd by the the 'guardian' everything is just too much to think about I couldnt do anything I couldnt call the police because I couldnt speak English.
I didn't talk to them pretty much ever since and I have no friends and no families really anywhere.
Now I'm a 24 years old useless mess with crippling bpd and anxiety and depression. I'm not sure where it came from though:) must be all the videos games I played in my teens years
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LittleNelson
Member
- Dec 18, 2021
- 43
I am so angry at my parents for having me. I was unplanned and often wish they had just aborted me. Their marriage was a mess full of cheating, fighting, and addiction. They weren't evil people but they had no idea how to raise a child. If only I had a time machine ...
Misanthrope0000
Misanthrope
- Sep 8, 2024
- 88
Yeah, we're from an poor underdeveloped country, anf mom still chose to bring me here, not to mention she STILL decided to have me after people warned her too many times that her boyfriend was a cheater and a piece of shit, she still married him, he abused her too much to the point where her first child had to be aborted from being beaten while pregnant and she STILL forgave him and stayed and had me.
I really don't wanna sound like an asshole that is victim blaming abuse victims, but you were warned, he still killed your first child, why she still had me? Why didn't she divorce earlier, why didn't she secretly take birth control so i wouldn't be born to a single mom, without a dad and in a third world shithole in north africa? I'm tired, very tired. I know she loves me, and i love her too, but sometimes I can't help but resent her for bringing me into this shit world, for not making better choices.
I really don't wanna sound like an asshole that is victim blaming abuse victims, but you were warned, he still killed your first child, why she still had me? Why didn't she divorce earlier, why didn't she secretly take birth control so i wouldn't be born to a single mom, without a dad and in a third world shithole in north africa? I'm tired, very tired. I know she loves me, and i love her too, but sometimes I can't help but resent her for bringing me into this shit world, for not making better choices.
permanently tired
I am everything
- Nov 8, 2023
- 257
Resentment is more of an afterthought to me. When I process my existence, I don't care much as much as I should abt the circumstances that led to my being. It's more resentment at my parents and the world at being presently incapable and incompetent. The world won't change enough in my lifetime so I think of it as nothing will change for me and this thought makes me feel hopeless.
kingfool316
Meaninglesslife
- Sep 13, 2024
- 154
back when I was a kid, I was wild, spoiled but sheltered, and some would call me ignorant and retarded. Growing up, I couldn't resent my family. They had no idea how I would end up. Sure I have no control of my life, but at the same time can't really blame them. They were a generation where people are more fucked up than today and mental health was taboo. I just wished I was aborted or miscarried
Darkover
Archangel
- Jul 29, 2021
- 5,653
yes kidnapped from the safety and peace of the void to be placed enslaved inside a shitty machine in a shitty environment with shitty people forced to eat sleep drink pee poo and work to survive
I resent them for a lot of things, but I can't blame them for my birth. I was how my mom found out birth control doesn't work for her.
ShatteredShards
Lost One
- Aug 26, 2024
- 30
That's difficult to relate to. I do have some resentment for with my parents, but for birthing me? No, it's difficult to predict how and what a child will develop and experience, especially with things out of the parents control, which is pretty much everything important, outside realistic priorities and responsibilities that is.
Yes. It's a confusing emotion for me to some extent because, I do love them a great deal too. My Mum in particular deperately wanted children. She died when I was 3. So, that's been strange really- to be having more resentful feelings towards her. It's only really over the past few years I've become this resentful.
But yeah, when I complain about stuff in life, it tends to turn into a competition with my Dad. How he had it so much worse. Which is possible- of course. I'm definitely not claiming other people don't struggle when I complain myself. One day though, I feel like it's bound to slip out: 'So, you'd worked out how difficult life was- Why on earth did that make you think- let's bring a life here to endure it too?!'
I just find it weird the way parents talk to us sometimes- like- life is something you just find yourself with and it's hard for everyone so just- 'suck it up' type of thing. We're all in the same (sinking) boat. When the reality is- we didn't just 'find' ourselves here. We're here because of your decision making. You brought us on this boat despite realising it was sinking and then apparently- we're not supposed to complain about it. Just grab a bucket and keep bailing out water.
I hate it but I do feel angry. I even feel resentful about the choice of killing myself or facing old age, illness and death alone. Why did they think we'd be ok with that and what was it about life they thought was so great to weigh out all the negatives?
I just don't think they do spend much time thinking about what kind of life their child might have- especially what will likely befall them. I think it's more about 'I/ we want children. I/ we want to experience parenthood and that kind of love. What will having children do for me/ us?' Then, when the child is born, it more than likely has to comply to its parent's and societies wishes. It just seems a predominantly selfish thing to do to me. Maybe I'm wrong though. It's not like I've really gone through the thought process myself. Maybe I'm being unfair to parents/ would-be parents.
It just seems such a massive and risky thing to put on someone. If it were an experiement say. If you could start an experiment where a sentient being materialises in this world. You're aware of all the terrible things that could befall them. You're aware that a great deal of them, you can't even protect them from: Illness, bullying, sexual assault, aging, bereavement, death, general misfortune. Do you really still do it on the off chance they might enjoy bits of it?
But yeah, when I complain about stuff in life, it tends to turn into a competition with my Dad. How he had it so much worse. Which is possible- of course. I'm definitely not claiming other people don't struggle when I complain myself. One day though, I feel like it's bound to slip out: 'So, you'd worked out how difficult life was- Why on earth did that make you think- let's bring a life here to endure it too?!'
I just find it weird the way parents talk to us sometimes- like- life is something you just find yourself with and it's hard for everyone so just- 'suck it up' type of thing. We're all in the same (sinking) boat. When the reality is- we didn't just 'find' ourselves here. We're here because of your decision making. You brought us on this boat despite realising it was sinking and then apparently- we're not supposed to complain about it. Just grab a bucket and keep bailing out water.
I hate it but I do feel angry. I even feel resentful about the choice of killing myself or facing old age, illness and death alone. Why did they think we'd be ok with that and what was it about life they thought was so great to weigh out all the negatives?
I just don't think they do spend much time thinking about what kind of life their child might have- especially what will likely befall them. I think it's more about 'I/ we want children. I/ we want to experience parenthood and that kind of love. What will having children do for me/ us?' Then, when the child is born, it more than likely has to comply to its parent's and societies wishes. It just seems a predominantly selfish thing to do to me. Maybe I'm wrong though. It's not like I've really gone through the thought process myself. Maybe I'm being unfair to parents/ would-be parents.
It just seems such a massive and risky thing to put on someone. If it were an experiement say. If you could start an experiment where a sentient being materialises in this world. You're aware of all the terrible things that could befall them. You're aware that a great deal of them, you can't even protect them from: Illness, bullying, sexual assault, aging, bereavement, death, general misfortune. Do you really still do it on the off chance they might enjoy bits of it?
OldManOfTheLake
Dakhma
- Nov 11, 2024
- 63
pthnrdnojvsc
Extreme Pain is much worse than people know
- Aug 12, 2019
- 3,494
This is all my opinion. imo the only reasons i was born is because all my ancestors thought "life is good" . if they thought "life is bad" like i do they would have never reproduced and probably would have killed themselves. why would i want to live in something that is bad? i don't . i never had any children . nor did i ever want to .,the mere thought of that makes me want to puke . life is an evil imposition thrust upon an unsuspecting being
I blame the false beliefs perpetrated the main one "life is good". i can guarantee you if any of your ancestors believed 1/1000th of how much i think life is an extreme abomination they would have never had children never. you think i will when I think life is a horrible nightmare , an abomination, why would i perpetrate it ? i don't even want to be a part of this evil called life.
I blame the false beliefs perpetrated the main one "life is good". i can guarantee you if any of your ancestors believed 1/1000th of how much i think life is an extreme abomination they would have never had children never. you think i will when I think life is a horrible nightmare , an abomination, why would i perpetrate it ? i don't even want to be a part of this evil called life.
Fritz
Member
- Nov 24, 2024
- 66
Unbelievable that she did that to you feeling that way herself. No words.
lacustra
Student
- Jul 3, 2024
- 175
I used to, for a while. Then I realized they didn't know any better. They were young, dumb, and were just doing what everyone else around them was doing. I'm having a hard time forgiving them for making my childhood and youth a living hell. I know they carry mental illnesses and trauma that have gone unaddressed all their lives. And now they are both nearing their sixties. There's no saving them. And it's no use even talking about what they did to me or to each other. It's all water under the bridge now. I just feel I was unlucky. Like someone with a terminal illness. Nothing much I can do about it. I wish I didn't feel so much guilt about being a failure, and then having to kill myself.
I loved my mother, but I cannot forgive her for bringing me into this world.
ijustwishtodie
I have finally found my ultimate bliss
- Oct 29, 2023
- 5,796
Yes, absolutely. I do resent my parents for this even if I do acknowledge that they only did so because of massive religious and cultural indoctrination. What matters is that, as a result of their actions, I am suffering in existence. Sure, they may care and love me in their own way (at least in terms of how their culture thinks they should love their child) but that's irrelevant as the only true love that I could get would be to not bring me here in the first place.
One time I got absolutely angry and pissed off to where I even said directly to her that I hate at how she gave birth to me (I made it clear that I didn't hate her per se but merely her action of bringing me into existence) and all I got in response is a bunch of garbage religious nonsense that she didn't bring me into existence, god did as god predetermined me to be born on earth. It's just- wtf, I can't even have a proper conversation with her on this topic or express my feelings properly since she's just going to respond with religious bullshit.
I even mentioned to my mum at how my sister is at peace because she passed away and is no longer suffering. All I got in response is more religious bullshit at how she isn't at peace because her soul is in a different realm and she might be tortured because she wasn't a good enough muslim in life and blah blah blah. Fuck, this religion is just so monstrous. No matter what this religion says though, it was my parents who brought me into existence and there is peace after death (in the form of it being the absence of pain)
One time I got absolutely angry and pissed off to where I even said directly to her that I hate at how she gave birth to me (I made it clear that I didn't hate her per se but merely her action of bringing me into existence) and all I got in response is a bunch of garbage religious nonsense that she didn't bring me into existence, god did as god predetermined me to be born on earth. It's just- wtf, I can't even have a proper conversation with her on this topic or express my feelings properly since she's just going to respond with religious bullshit.
I even mentioned to my mum at how my sister is at peace because she passed away and is no longer suffering. All I got in response is more religious bullshit at how she isn't at peace because her soul is in a different realm and she might be tortured because she wasn't a good enough muslim in life and blah blah blah. Fuck, this religion is just so monstrous. No matter what this religion says though, it was my parents who brought me into existence and there is peace after death (in the form of it being the absence of pain)
