Does anyone else have no one?

[DeathWish3301]

Asking out of curiosity. Is anyone else in the situation that no one that would care if you died?

I have a ton of family but none of them would genuinely care if I CTB'd. It's not the lens of depression, it's just simple truth.

I get jealous of other people having to worry about how their check out would affect people they care about.

 

[_Maya]

My parents would probably be "sad" that their "perfect" child would do such a horrid thing such as ctb.
Maybe some friends would actually be sad but i honestly don't know.

 

[sadsoni]

Not sure if depression has nothing to do with it. I find my view of things changes with the moods. Certainly few would care about it. On the one hand it makes the CTB decision easier to make as noone would be so hurt. But I think the family thinks I will improve or get well, they don't seem to be well informed or introspective, it's like they can't just google how mental illness is like.

"Why don't you get your shit together?" - is the general attitude I have to live with from family.

Worse, one of my folks who is a doctor and runs a bunch of rehabs, and has an autistic kid! often asks me this. Or at least gives off the vibes that I should just shake it off. And I'm thinking: do you say that to your patients? How is it going with your kid??

 

[Santana Idaho]

I have no one. No one at all. I live in my room, and that's it. That's all. I live with my mom and her husband. Little interaction because any more leads to fights. No love in my life. Never was and never will be as far as I can see.

Sometimes it comforts me to know that no one would be in pain if I just left. It hurts to not be loved. But I won't hurt anybody by finding my long-desired relief.

I fantasize about my plan often. To go to Los Angeles and experience things I've always wanted to. Go to famous tourist traps. Stay at a nice Air BnB. Eat at restaurants I always hear celebrities and influencers talk about. Go to theaters they love. Eat In n Out and hate it. Maybe find some cool people to hang out with...though I don't expect to, and it's not a necessity. After I've run out of money or when I feel I've done what I wanted...go to a cheap motel or out to some nice, secluded place...and leave.

I want to be a Jane Doe and buried in a common grave with other forgotten people. Unfortunately, my dental records would ID me.

I don't know why I find the idea of making a "Final Irish Exit" peaceful. I've just always hated making a fuss over myself. I've never been loved or valued. It hurts when people pretend to care, so I don't want it in death.

 

[J&L383]

Asking out of curiosity. Is anyone else in the situation that no one that would care if you died?

I have a ton of family but none of them would genuinely care if I CTB'd. It's not the lens of depression, it's just simple truth.

I get jealous of other people having to worry about how their check out would affect people they care about.

I have just one sibling that would shed a tear or two, and my ex-wife. (Even though she is my ex, I still care about her and she does care about me). And this is one thing that gives me pause. Parents gone, no kids.

 

[Cinnamorolls]

I'm long estranged from my family, with no friends and no partner. People would be indifferent to hear that I offed myself, if not glad that I'm gone since I've never "fit in" to the world anyway.

 

[DeathWish3301]

Not sure if depression has nothing to do with it. I find my view of things changes with the moods. Certainly few would care about it. On the one hand it makes the CTB decision easier to make as noone would be so hurt. But I think the family thinks I will improve or get well, they don't seem to be well informed or introspective, it's like they can't just google how mental illness is like.

"Why don't you get your shit together?" - is the general attitude I have to live with from family.

Worse, one of my folks who is a doctor and runs a bunch of rehabs, and has an autistic kid! often asks me this. Or at least gives off the vibes that I should just shake it off. And I'm thinking: do you say that to your patients? How is it going with your kid??

I agree, I do find one of the only positives of the situation is that no one will be hurt by my check out.

I have no one. No one at all. I live in my room, and that's it. That's all. I live with my mom and her husband. Little interaction because any more leads to fights. No love in my life. Never was and never will be as far as I can see.

Sometimes it comforts me to know that no one would be in pain if I just left. It hurts to not be loved. But I won't hurt anybody by finding my long-desired relief.

I fantasize about my plan often. To go to Los Angeles and experience things I've always wanted to. Go to famous tourist traps. Stay at a nice Air BnB. Eat at restaurants I always hear celebrities and influencers talk about. Go to theaters they love. Eat In n Out and hate it. Maybe find some cool people to hang out with...though I don't expect to, and it's not a necessity. After I've run out of money or when I feel I've done what I wanted...go to a cheap motel or out to some nice, secluded place...and leave.

I want to be a Jane Doe and buried in a common grave with other forgotten people. Unfortunately, my dental records would ID me.

I don't know why I find the idea of making a "Final Irish Exit" peaceful. I've just always hated making a fuss over myself. I've never been loved or valued. It hurts when people pretend to care, so I don't want it in death.

I also have absolutely no one and know the pain of never being loved, by family or otherwise. I'm sorry you also know what that feels like.

I'm long estranged from my family, with no friends and no partner. People would be indifferent to hear that I offed myself, if not glad that I'm gone since I've never "fit in" to the world anyway.

Likewise.

 

[Aprilwithcake]

i wonder if having people that care would make me more less likely to ctb

 

[lilurki]

I'm long estranged from my family, with no friends and no partner. People would be indifferent to hear that I offed myself, if not glad that I'm gone since I've never "fit in" to the world anyway.

It sucks to know others are in the same boat as me, I wish I could just follow through on my ideal plan.

 

[overthehill]

I have my mother, but sometimes I wish I didn't. I love her so I don't want to hurt her, but if she weren't around I could kill myself and end the pain.

 

[Blueberry Panic]

I have people who would care but they'd be able to live on without me.

 

[Santana Idaho]

i wonder if having people that care would make me more less likely to ctb

It would. For me, though, it feels like a burden. I couldn't die before my dad. Then he died. Now, I can't die before my dogs. If I'm gone, my mother will neglect them more than she already does, and they'd die quickly. It's one of the things keeping me functionally frozen.

 

[Forever Sleep]

There are people who I think may be upset if I do it. One that would be devastated I imagine- my Dad, so I'm holding on for his sake.

I think though- it's possible to get confused between having people that actively support you- which I don't have so much. And, feeling obligated to stay so you don't hurt people.

Sadly, it's not so much a warm, fuzzy feeling when it is the latter. Basically, they can't or won't help you but, you still feel trapped here because of them. That unfortunately leads to resentment rather than love sometimes.

Effectively, we're not staying because of them. Because they make our lives better. Our lives stay the same or, get worse but, we struggle on because we don't want to make their life worse. So, emotional blackmail basically.

I think it's easy to look at other people's lives/ situations with rose tinted glasses. Like when people say how lonely or socially awkward they are but then, mention their boyfriend/ girlfriend or partner. That confuses me but then I think- you can still be lonely around others. I think that feeling of isolation- loneliness within a crowd is probably even worse.

 

[locked*n*loaded]

I have no one. Zilch. Zero. Notta. All family died. Have no friends. Live alone. Rarely do I see or talk to a neighbor. If I died right now (by natural causes), it would be weeks before I was discovered, and the only way that would happen is if/when the postal delivery person notified authorities because my mail was overflowing in my box (they used to be obligated to do this, but I have no idea if they still are). That's why when I die by my own hand, I plan on sending a message to local police telling them what I've done and how to find me. There's just no other way.

 

[4everHeartBroken]

I get jealous of other people having to worry about how their check out would affect people they care about.

Interesting. I'm quite the opposite. I actually get jealous of people like you who don't have to worry about anyone when leaving. This is the ONLY reason I'm still here right now. If I had nobody I cared so deeply about, I would've been gone years ago. I feel if I had nobody I loved and cared for so much, I could do this WAY TOO EASILY!!!!

 

[Moniker]

It's a bit complicated. I have family who loves me a lot, but they don't suspect that I deeply dislike them. I'm maintaining good relations so I can get inheritance money.

I think my friends would be sad if I died. It doesn't weigh much on my mind. As I see it, whatever hole my absence leaves in their life will be healed within a few weeks at most. So I think they'd care, but not that much.

 

[Halfhourdays]

I've got nobody to care about, and nobody cares about me. It's nice, on a level, because these concerns about those left behind in people's lives don't apply to me. I'm free to go.

 

[Hotsackage]

Yes people would be mortified, but I don't want anyone to worry about that, I take funeral crys approach here, but obviously I have empathy for those who want to be mourned.

 

[wham311]

Every situation sucks.. it sucks if your mom wants you to die and if she doesn't. I've been told by my mom she won't come to pick up my body when I die and she was completely validated in that statement, and then I've seen the absolute pain when I'm not doing well and try to vsed and both are just intolerable. There is no right answer. Many people want me dead, I guess the enemy of an enemy is a friend. My family would be mortified if I died but I am putting them in the poorhouse. I cannot fucking win.

I just want to go. I am frantically searching this site for a way out.

All I care about is my family and I am only burdening them. My dog is so worried about me and she's developed kidney problems that I can't solve because my line of work ceased to exist.

 

[DeathWish3301]

Interesting. I'm quite the opposite. I actually get jealous of people like you who don't have to worry about anyone when leaving. This is the ONLY reason I'm still here right now. If I had nobody I cared so deeply about, I would've been gone years ago. I feel if I had nobody I loved and cared for so much, I could do this WAY TOO EASILY!!!!

It's a double edged sword. It is nice to not have the guilt of hurting anyone, but still hurts knowing no one would care. Can't win either way.

I've got nobody to care about, and nobody cares about me. It's nice, on a level, because these concerns about those left behind in people's lives don't apply to me. I'm free to go.

I agree, it's the one positive thing about not having anyone that cares.

Every situation sucks.. it sucks if your mom wants you to die and if she doesn't. I've been told by my mom she won't come to pick up my body when I die and she was completely validated in that statement, and then I've seen the absolute pain when I'm not doing well and try to vsed and both are just intolerable. There is no right answer. Many people want me dead, I guess the enemy of an enemy is a friend. My family would be mortified if I died but I am putting them in the poorhouse. I cannot fucking win.

I just want to go. I am frantically searching this site for a way out.

All I care about is my family and I am only burdening them. My dog is so worried about me and she's developed kidney problems that I can't solve because my line of work ceased to exist.

Plenty of people would be happy to know that I'm dead, if it's of any consolation.

 

[tiredoflife2]

I've got my teenage son and my cats. I'm the black sheep with the rest of the family. They only care about money, material things and status.

 

[Poptart]

My son, he's 3. My daughter, she's 5 months.

Long term, they're better off without me.

Short term? I'm the only one who can put them to bed, comfort them when they cry, etc.

I want to ctb sooner - so I don't waste more of my savings (their inheritance.) I want them to have enough money to get a car, go to college, and get a starter home. Every dollar spent on me is taking away from their future.

 

[DeathWish3301]

My son, he's 3. My daughter, she's 5 months.

Long term, they're better off without me.

Short term? I'm the only one who can put them to bed, comfort them when they cry, etc.

I want to ctb sooner - so I don't waste more of my savings (their inheritance.) I want them to have enough money to get a car, go to college, and get a starter home. Every dollar spent on me is taking away from their future.

You have my absolute respect for making sure they're taken care of before you check out.

 

[Nobodi]

I'm not sure tbh. They might just pretend to care so that people don't see them as heartless. Even though everyone knows it's fake all that fake love, but in the end I will fade away into memory and I'll be free. Having the liberty to choose is pure freedom. I don't any friends since I been moved around a lot during my adolescence years. I don't have a hometown. All I know is that I can't tie myself to thier fake opinions for they aren't even true to themselves. Regardless all I have is myself

 

[bipolar22]

I am kinda of all alone. my family disowned me cause I don't work jobs and I'm sick with mental illness. but I have my lovely gf but she is never really there much. so I sit alone all day. at last one one will miss me too much when I'm gone. not that I care about it.

 

[JayJay]

Primarily my mom. She's the closest thing that I have for support. Everyone else has shown indifference to my pain and suffering. I'm abandoned. Even my friend that I've known for 17 years turned out to be just another fake. It was sad because he was a childhood friend. He would rarely respond to my text messages. Never made an effort to hang out. Basically told him my mental health struggles and views me now as pathetic. I'm on my own now. Just waiting for the bus to come.

 

[J&L383]

i wonder if having people that care would make me more less likely to ctb

I think it would help. To make it less likely to CTB. But it only helps so much.

 

[outrider567]

I have no one but my stepmother, whom I see a few times a year

 

[whotookmylexapro]

I wish i had family that didn't care about me because then it would be so much easier to just bite the bullet and end it all. My parents and siblings love me and i cant possibly imagine what it would be like for them to go through my CTB. But at the same time, im suffering, im exhausted of living, i dont have much left in me to continue being "selfless" for them.
It's almost like i am a trophy or something for them. As long as im alive, they are happy. I wish that wasn't the case. I don't want to be placed on a pedestal. I want to be forgotten. My life has not had much meaning anyways, I wish i could tell them about wanting to get MAID and they just accept it.

But even though they love me, I feel i have "no one" in real life to vent about my issues. My family wouldn't understand and nor would any doctor or therapist.

 

[Archamais]

My two friends would be sad but they have family and partners and live far away now.

I cant imagine they will be surprised, im certain it wont effect them for long and they have loved ones to suport them.