Discussion Does anyone else go from "I wanna ctb so bad" to "life, let's kick its ass!" in a few minutes to hours?

[Squiddy]

A few minutes ago, I felt completely hopeless, but now I'm looking at colleges and am like, "let's do this! I got this!" I hate this feeling so much. One second, I'm completely pessimistic, the next optimistic. I'll probably go back to being pessimistic in a few minutes.

 

[Deardaddy]

Perhaps there is something missing . I have no optimistic, and I'm looking myself as clear minded , peaceful . But I look around me zombies living their life in lies .this is a messed up world like Freddy's nightmare V

Perhaps there is something missing . I have no optimistic, and I'm looking myself as clear minded , peaceful . But I look around me zombies living their life in lies .this is a messed up world like Freddy's nightmare V

There's is no rabbit hole . No god. No evolution. If there is it's beyond our expectations .

 

[Wisdom3_1-9]

A few minutes ago, I felt completely hopeless, but now I'm looking at colleges and am like, "let's do this! I got this!" I hate this feeling so much. One second, I'm completely pessimistic, the next optimistic. I'll probably go back to being pessimistic in a few minutes.

Yeah, this resonates strongly with me. I've spent hours this week applying for jobs all over the country, refining my résumé and writing cover letters, and looking at rental prices in other areas of the country where I want to live. Right now, I'm convinced I'll be gone in 10 days, so what's the point? :-(

 

[agentgeez]

I empathise with the sense that your feelings are transient, like they could just change at any moment and you don't have anything consistent or defined to hang on to. I don't really have many swings in terms of optimism/pessimism but my interests are usually governed by whatever I'm hyper-fixating on, as well as my motivation to do things and so on. In terms of suddenly doing things to advance with life rather than death, I don't feel a change in attitude but I do find myself doing things like applying for jobs while simultaneously trying to get my suicide method together. It's like there are various conflicting ideas in my brain that don't exactly dominate, but get a little bit of time in the spotlight before being replaced by something else. I dislike being like this because it means that I always end up never progressing, whether it's with life, death, or any other pursuit, and it also makes me worry about inevitably casting something aside because of boredom once I start getting into something. It's bad enough when it's a game or hobby, but if it were to happen when I'm getting close or 'in love' with somebody it would be horrible, especially since I fear someone doing that to me.

 

[Lady black]

Some years ago I knew that but now the positive feelings are gone

 

[Worthless_nobody]

I do this... mostly negative all the time but I get the occasional spark of interest or positivity. I was looking at homes all excited then I get really sad because my dreams never become reality. The back and forth feelings are hard.

 

[marxistfeminist17]

Same here
but I have realized that my pessimistic thoughts are grounded in reality while the optimistic thoughts fizzle out as soon as it comes face-to-face with reality.

 

[rt1989526]

No, its just misery 100% of the time.

 

[UpsidedownStar]

I get that feeling. I'm pretty damn sure I have Borderline Personality Disorder, which makes forming meaningful relationships and sticking to my plan to CTB that much harder. I get mood swings quickly - several times within an hour. I decided to start keeping a mood tracker (Daylio App) just to visualize how often this happens. Turns out it happens a lot more frequently than I realized.

 

[Life_and_Death]

All the time. That's why I'm so close to getting better and ctbing

 

[so tired or manic]

this is actually a common thing with borderline personality disorder

 

[Meditation guide]

One second, I'm completely pessimistic, the next optimistic. I'll probably go back to being pessimistic in a few minutes.

I still have occasional flare ups of thinking maybe I can keep on going somehow but that light is almost extinguished.

 

[HadEnough1974]

A few minutes ago, I felt completely hopeless, but now I'm looking at colleges and am like, "let's do this! I got this!" I hate this feeling so much. One second, I'm completely pessimistic, the next optimistic. I'll probably go back to being pessimistic in a few minutes.

Hey I go through this from minute to minute, up and down, optimistic and back to pessimistic. In my case, I don't think it's bipolar or manic episodes.

Just as we have an immune system which is at times weaker and stronger, we also have states of mind which at times is weaker and at times stronger.

For example, I always feel less wanting to ctb AFTER I have my coffee and a good dump.

Can you guess what I'm doing right now? I'm in the poop house taking a dump and having my coffee. Ah, the smell of coffee and poop, so relaxing.

Going for a walk also helps, but not always. Sometimes I just feel more tired after the walk, at times more energetic and optimistic.

Taking a bubble bath with my rubber ducky also helps.

Cloudy and rainy days are not good days. Sunny days are better but then I feel guilty I can't experience joy from sunny days.

Computers come with a reset button, why don't humans?

Ok, had my coffee, done with my poop. Time to figure out the rest of my day.

Hope ya'll enjoyed it!!

 

[Life_and_Death]

Hey I go through this from minute to minute, up and down, optimistic and back to pessimistic. In my case, I don't think it's bipolar or manic episodes.

Just as we have an immune system which is at times weaker and stronger, we also have states of mind which at times is weaker and at times stronger.

For example, I always feel less wanting to ctb AFTER I have my coffee and a good dump.

Can you guess what I'm doing right now? I'm in the poop house taking a dump and having my coffee. Ah, the smell of coffee and poop, so relaxing.

Going for a walk also helps, but not always. Sometimes I just feel more tired after the walk, at times more energetic and optimistic.

Taking a bubble bath with my rubber ducky also helps.

Cloudy and rainy days are not good days. Sunny days are better but then I feel guilty I can't experience joy from sunny days.

Computers come with a reset button, why don't humans?

Ok, had my coffee, done with my poop. Time to figure out the rest of my day.

Hope ya'll enjoyed it!!

I see your signature is true lol

 

[Deleted member 17949]

Yes. Panic attacks cause my mood to flip a lot, and I find myself being unstable even on the best of days.

 

[AllReturnsToNothing]

It never goes to "let's kick life's ass" but my high points are usually more like "might fuck around and see where this goes for a laugh".

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Yes. I can relate. I was the happiest person on earth today and now I want to kill myself. Happy during day suicidal during night. That's me. I want to end my life.

 

[nooo2]

Yes all the time, I'm actually having that right now. I've been more active and I've had tons of positive thoughts. I've finally been able to sleep I'm planning on changing my diet but I still can't shake the thought that I might be dead somewhere next year, or perhaps before next year.

 

[AintNoWayOut]

no lol its a pretty perpetual sense of dread... my issues are inescapable

 

[throwaway123]

Yea, I have those sorts of mood swings too. I have no idea how to do anything anymore. I have obligations to follow and I can't say no to them. I wish I could. I wish I could say no and just stop doing this soul-killing bullshit but no it does not work like that. It's fucked up because deep down I'm done man. I literally can't go on for another single day but nobody listens to me anymore......I've thought about meds to cope but I don't know. It would just be a temporaray solution and a bad one. I don't see any other way out. I'm currently unable to CTB so there isn't any other option for me left other than to just try the fucking meds. Even though the side effects are bad. I've had bad experiences with meds in the past but I'm hoping that new meds will help me get trough the next couple of years because mentally I'm so fucked. I'm not on the ground anymore, im in the core of the earth. It's that bad. Guess I'll really have to try medical therapy and shit.

 

[Squiddy]

this is actually a common thing with borderline personality disorder

I was actually diagnosed with that a year ago

 

[Why you?]

I would say that putting yourself to work and actually doing activities that are even superficially productive makes us feel like we are doing SOMETHING with our lives.

 

[dec132013]

omfg yes, thought i was crazy.

Yesterday I literally went from not wanting to be conscious at all ever again, to fearing death and wanting to make it to my dream career, and then back to not being able to see myself exist past my current age all within a few hours

 

[Painless_end]

This kind of back-and-forth has personally always proven very dangerous for me.

I stick to one state of mind until I am sure I have completely moved past it.

 

[Squiddy]

omfg yes, thought i was crazy.

Yesterday I literally went from not wanting to be conscious at all ever again, to fearing death and wanting to make it to my dream career, and then back to not being able to see myself exist past my current age all within a few hours

I hate that feeling so much

 

[Squiddy]

This kind of back-and-forth has personally always proven very dangerous for me.

I stick to one state of mind until I am sure I have completely moved past it.

Yeah it's dangerous for me too

 

[Lupgevif]

I used to. Not anymore.

 

[Squiddy]

Feeling like I wanna kick life's ass right now. Doing some scholarships for college. Let's go!! >:)

 

[alexit]

Yes but not without chemicals legal and illegal

 

[TAW122]

I don't think I go from wanting to "kick life's ass", maybe when I was an edgy teenager in my earlier days perhaps. But nowadays, I just go from wanting to CTB to just a sense of calm and emptiness knowing that I'm just prolonging the inevitable.