Does anyone else feel like they are not human

[silent wraith]

This can be different for everyone , when I first started feeling like this was probably on elementary school - first of all I am very different from my peers , I have very different interests but also I am ...slow and I feel it. I was bad at math , geography , biology , PE...Can't read analog clock and so on... Besides that when I was bullied (around 10 years old) that feeling started to get worse. Now that I am 20 years old I am only starting to realize that society might see me as useless - I go to school psychologist and on our last sitting she asked me to choose some cards that are describing my strong sides - all of them were human : empathy , patience , being loyal , being formal , sense for beauty, sensitivity, being careful and so on

But in today's society these are seen more as weaknesses as they don't help you get a job , I feel so lost.
Not only is my brain behind but I might be totally useless

 

[deny_conformity]

This can be different for everyone , when I first started feeling like this was probably on elementary school - first of all I am very different from my peers , I have very different interests but also I am ...slow and I feel it. I was bad at math , geography , biology , PE...Can't read analog clock and so on... Besides that when I was bullied (around 10 years old) that feeling started to get worse. Now that I am 20 years old I am only starting to realize that society might see me as useless - I go to school psychologist and on our last sitting she asked me to choose some cards that are describing my strong sides - all of them were human : empathy , patience , being loyal , being formal , sense for beauty, sensitivity, being careful and so on

But in today's society these are seen more as weaknesses as they don't help you get a job , I feel so lost.
Not only is my brain behind but I might be totally useless

Your strengths sound a lot like the ideal qualities you want in a therapist/counsellor. I should know, I've seen a lot of them over the last year and the best were the ones that could understand me and not project on me. You certainly don't want my cold logical lizard brain, who doesn't understand normal people things.

 

[madmanbadman]

Yeah I feel this too and I hate admitting it, especially knowing how I am with ASPD and PTSD because it just makes everything feel more complicated,no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, it feels like I mess something up anyway. Like I'm always one step away from ruining things again.
And after a while, you start seeing yourself as the problem.
Like maybe I really am a bad person that everyone quietly thinks I am.
The worst part is the envy.
Not even over money or success but over something so basic it sounds stupid when you say it out loud.
I envy my own friends for being human.

 

[silent wraith]

Yeah I feel this too and I hate admitting it, especially knowing how I am with ASPD and PTSD because it just makes everything feel more complicated,no matter what I do, no matter how hard I try, it feels like I mess something up anyway. Like I'm always one step away from ruining things again.
And after a while, you start seeing yourself as the problem.
Like maybe I really am a bad person that everyone quietly thinks I am.
The worst part is the envy.
Not even over money or success but over something so basic it sounds stupid when you say it out loud.
I envy my own friends for being human.

Aww I am sorry to hear that , sadly I do not have any diagnoses as my parents never took me anywhere when I was little even though it was strongly adviced that they should take me somewhere.
I understand where you're coming from

 

[madmanbadman]

Aww I am sorry to hear that , sadly I do not have any diagnoses as my parents never took me anywhere when I was little even though it was strongly adviced that they should take me somewhere.
I understand where you're coming from

Digital power hugg

 

[oopsijustdie]

I had exactly opposite feelings...I am completely sure I am a human...but sometimes feels like others not

 

[deny_conformity]

Aww I am sorry to hear that , sadly I do not have any diagnoses as my parents never took me anywhere when I was little even though it was strongly adviced that they should take me somewhere.
I understand where you're coming from

Diagnoses don't mean a lot, they are just official reasons you're different. I have official diagnoses of bipolar and cPTSD. I also have suspected autism (on the waiting list for an assessment). I guess the bipolar diagnosis means I get medicated appropriately but then I'm actively suicidal without appropriate medication so an even greater drain on the health service as they fight to keep me alive.

 

[perishsong]

Hey OP, not to armchair-diagnose you, but have you ever thought you may be neurodivergent? From the sound of your post, it seems like something that could explain your not-human feelings. Someone once said, they felt like a dysfunctional horse among the normal horses where they've been a zebra. Figuratively speaking, maybe you're not "failing" as a human, but rather hold yourself to neurotypical standards? YMMV of course, and this might as well all be incorrect - I'm mainly speaking from my experience of late diagnosed autism.

 

[Pluto]

 

[silent wraith]

Diagnoses don't mean a lot, they are just official reasons you're different. I have official diagnoses of bipolar and cPTSD. I also have suspected autism (on the waiting list for an assessment). I guess the bipolar diagnosis means I get medicated appropriately but then I'm actively suicidal without appropriate medication so an even greater drain on the health service as they fight to keep me alive.

Mm sorry to hear that that sounds difficult very difficult , I understand that diagnoses wouldn't change much but I believe I would be less in the dark if I knew why I am the way I am. Stay safe

Hey OP, not to armchair-diagnose you, but have you ever thought you may be neurodivergent? From the sound of your post, it seems like something that could explain your not-human feelings. Someone once said, they felt like a dysfunctional horse among the normal horses where they've been a zebra. Figuratively speaking, maybe you're not "failing" as a human, but rather hold yourself to neurotypical standards? YMMV of course, and this might as well all be incorrect - I'm mainly speaking from my experience of late diagnosed autism.

Hello ! We have actually talked about this with my school psychologist. She thinks I might be on a border of being slightly lower than average IQ-wise and some of my problems might be bordering on the neurodivergent spectrum.
However she can't officialy diagnose me , but I have a friend with ADHD and Autism type 1 ? (Sorry I don't remember how the types are called) and his mom often asks me the same thing. There might be something to it yes , but at the same time some of my problems are also related to being bullied.