Z
zzdam
Member
- Jan 5, 2022
- 6
Literally since after being 13 my life has been a downward spiral over which i've had no control. I remember the happy old days when I had no worries in life. I've had some memorable moments here and there, of course, where I have been happy but obviously my best and happy days are well behind me. I remember being like this since 7 or 8. I remember thinking one day of course the inevitable would happen and all the people I love would pass away and it's just too much for me everyday. The funny thing is i've based my education and degrees around trying to do something about aging and work in scientific research for it (I know how stupid it sounds) but that's literally all I can ever think about. Every passing year my life just gets more and more and more depressing.
It's agonising to see my mother age and even more so to know I can't do anything about it. I have no control over the direction in which my life is headed and just have to go with the flow. In a few days I have to move out for a new job to a city 5 hours away from home.
Does anyone else feel what is the point? It's just going to get worse from here on now. I'm depressed and frequently at night by myself thinking about these things and my mother (never in front of her though of course). I have barely any friends and 0 social circle even here.
Now even that's going as I move to do a depressing job I don't want to be doing in a city far away.
It's clear how my life is panning out and I know I have barely any control! Get older and work, spend more time away from mother, watch her get even older and weaker and me being unable to do anything about it, be disconnected from all family in the country I grew up in. Eventually everyone just passes away, and i'm just there by myself as always waiting for the same to happen to me too. Lol.
I'm not scared of dying tbh, I feel so disconnected from the world sometimes. We're all born to die anyway, most of our existences are worthless and mean f*ck all in the grand scheme of things. We're all just born to suffer.
Tbh, I don't know why i'm writing this or what I want to achieve... Guess I just wanted somewhere to write something, I guess.
It's agonising to see my mother age and even more so to know I can't do anything about it. I have no control over the direction in which my life is headed and just have to go with the flow. In a few days I have to move out for a new job to a city 5 hours away from home.
Does anyone else feel what is the point? It's just going to get worse from here on now. I'm depressed and frequently at night by myself thinking about these things and my mother (never in front of her though of course). I have barely any friends and 0 social circle even here.
Now even that's going as I move to do a depressing job I don't want to be doing in a city far away.
It's clear how my life is panning out and I know I have barely any control! Get older and work, spend more time away from mother, watch her get even older and weaker and me being unable to do anything about it, be disconnected from all family in the country I grew up in. Eventually everyone just passes away, and i'm just there by myself as always waiting for the same to happen to me too. Lol.
I'm not scared of dying tbh, I feel so disconnected from the world sometimes. We're all born to die anyway, most of our existences are worthless and mean f*ck all in the grand scheme of things. We're all just born to suffer.
Tbh, I don't know why i'm writing this or what I want to achieve... Guess I just wanted somewhere to write something, I guess.