I feel so much envy, I only envy those who no longer suffer in this torturous, painful and deeply undesirable existence I just always saw as the most terrible mistake, for me non-existence is just all that's positive, all I want is to be permanently unconscious free from this existence so dreadful and deeply undesirable that just causes all this pain and suffering.
I'll just always prefer the peace of eternal dreamless sleep over being tortured by this existence and every second is torture to be conscious, for me non-existence would be the solution, there is no suffering in non-existence and non-existence solves everything for me yet there is no limit as to how much one can suffer in this existence that was completely unnecessary that just leads to decay and death anyway, to me only those who never suffer ever again are fortunate, existence to me is just an abomination that only ever tortures existing beings and causes all this dreadful pain and suffering all for the sake of it.