Does anyone else fantasize about dying in some dramatic and painful way?

[兎の耳]

Sometimes I fantasize about killing myself in some dramatic fashion, like setting myself on fire or disemboweling myself in front of my family and friends just so they can see how much emotional pain I am in all the time. Does anyone else do this?

Obviously I am planning on taking a more painless route because I don't want it to hurt and I don't really want to leave the few people that care scarred for life, but still. Sometimes the thought is appealing when it seems like nobody really understands how much it hurts.

 

[BrainSplatter]

Yeah I have fantasies like that sometimes like christmas dinner the perfect time to slit my throat in front of my whole family I imagine the panicked scared look on their faces and how they would then maybe truly understand the severity of my pain

 

[PI3.14]

No.

My ultimate suicide fantasy is going by euthanasia.

 

[vanillamilkshakes]

Back when I was still in secondary school, I used to fantasise about throwing myself off the school roof in front of everyone, or going on live and jumping from a building. I was really starved of attention back then, if you couldn't tell

 

[qewpie]

i once had a dream where i lived in a war zone or the plane i had been on had just crashed, and i was bleeding out with my head on my mom's lap. that would be my ideal painful death

 

[兎の耳]

Yeah I have fantasies like that sometimes like christmas dinner the perfect time to slit my throat in front of my whole family I imagine the panicked scared look on their faces and how they would then maybe truly understand the severity of my pain

I feel a bit guilty for feeling this way, but yes this is exactly what I mean. I want to believe it's not lack of caring but lack of understanding, but how do you make someone understand a malady of the soul?

 

[setspiritfree]

No.

My ultimate suicide fantasy is going by euthanasia.

That would be nice. To just fall asleep and never wake up. I wish, pray, hope, and dream of this every night.

 

[BrainSplatter]

I feel a bit guilty for feeling this way, but yes this is exactly what I mean. I want to believe it's not lack of caring but lack of understanding, but how do you make someone understand a malady of the soul?

I don't feel guilty it makes sense for me to want to do that my dad nearly killed me when I was 11 it completely broke me and still over 10+ years later I'm still not over it. Apart of me wants him to see me finish what he started and to witness the broken, damaged person he created finally finding peace.

 

[cvury]

I don't want to hurt the people around me more than I already would

 

[兎の耳]

I don't want to hurt the people around me more than I already would

I think that's the best way to think of it. I plan on dying in a hotel room and having a friend call 911 for me to avoid causing unnecessary distress to people I care about. I don't want any of them to carry the memory of finding my body with them.

 

[Nrocoop]

No. I've caused enough grief to my nearest and dearest over the years. Euthanasia is my preferred exit

 

[keroppi4406]

when I was on a cruise ship I wanted to jump off so bad and be shredded by the propeller lmaoo. (I would never ruin others vacation like that though I was just particularly suicidal) I was actually so excited for an opportunity to go on a trip like that but my dad always makes a way to ruin it!🫩 Also, Idk why but whenever I want to die my first urge is always to slit my throat (in my imagination I could totally do it I know that won't be the case though lol) But there's something about cutting the wrists that makes me totally squeamish I could never do either though, shotgun is definitely my preferred way

 

[WatchmeBurn]

I wish I was a martyr. I wish I could die for a noble cause and be remembered. I wish I could matter. I just wish I mattered.

 

[$yck]

This is a fucked up thought I had a couple months ago

At one of my jobs, theres this compactor/baler we use for trash. Every time I go to crush boxes and shit I'd always imagine climbing in it covering myself in boxes and waiting for someone else to close it, turn it on and crush me. I imagine hearing my bones shatter while it lowers on me, my eyes exploding from the pressure and all the blood leaking from the bottom. I imagine my old boss [I don't like him], getting ready to make a bail, seeing the blood, and opening the compactor to see my crushed body.

I also imagined doing suicide by cop.

 

[ConstantPain]

Preferably, I'd die in my sleep and until recently, regardless of method, I always wanted to spare people the trauma of seeing it happen or finding me. That all changed this week when I got fired. Now, I want the bastard director and evil HR person who terminated me to find me in a grotesque way. I started fantasizing about blowing my brains out either in front of them or up against the glass door entry. Either way I want to them to be traumatized. I want them left with an image that they'll never unsee.

 

[Macedonian1987]

I never have thoughts of dying such horrible death. I often imagine dying in an euthanasia clinics, similar like the one in Switzerland. Comforted in my last moments in the very same way as the woman in the video.

https://watchpeopledie.tv/h/suicide/post/23496/michle-causse-assisted-suicide-scene-from

 

[Forever Sleep]

I fantasize about having a hero's death sometimes- dying protecting or saving others. Probably some deep down need for approval but no- I'm a wimp. I don't like pain. I used to have a weird fantasy about pathetically curling up in the snow and freezing to death while my (limerent) crush walked by with his new girlfriend. That was more of an imaginary representation if how I was feeling though.

 

[woodlandcreature]

Oh yeah definitely. When someone does something fucked up to me, sometimes I'll get really fixated on the idea of grabbing a knife right there and stabbing myself repeatedly in the throat in front of them. Choking on my own blood and smiling/ laughing (as much as one can when they're choking) at them. Fucked up, I know, but true.

I also imagined doing suicide by cop.

I've had this one a lot as well.

 

[58Alice85]

Yeah I once had this dream where I was captured by the same people who crucified Jesus
And they promised they would let me live if I cursed Jesus and would do evil things
And I refused and they beat me up, spat on me and yelled things like "TRANSGENDER WHORE".
And they then dressed me up in a bridal gown, dragged me through the streets, crucified me too, and killed me with a spear through my heart
And on my body they wrote "THE BRIDE OF CHRIST"
woke up soaking in sweat and almost threw up, was the most intense dream i had in my entire life

 

[Cauliflour]

I wish I was a martyr. I wish I could die for a noble cause and be remembered. I wish I could matter. I just wish I mattered.

I made a drawing of you to put into my SaSu doodles folder and because of this, the folder is now at the nice round number of 150 drawings. Whenever I wanna see what the 150th drawing is, I'll see your little profile picture, and I don't like to delete files off my computer. :)

 

[pogostick]

I'm dying by train and I don't intend to commit suicide at a station, but rather an open rural line.

Me and my friends have gone there a lot! I started trying to push it more for hangouts because I liked staring at the tracks. Sometimes I thought about running infront of a train and killing myself infront of them, or saying I'd be back in 5 minutes and dying on the tracks round the corner. It almost made me want to do it MORE.

I never really understood the fear when it came toooo potentially dying in a way that would leave your body mutilated. I couldn't imagine dying in a way that left my body whole.

 

[deinocheirus]

maybe not so much dramatic but i often think about how my family might react to seeing my body and what the process after would look like.
in my fantasies, i die in my sleep without pain or anything. even better if i'm not anticipating it.