Does anyone else enter fairytale mode before attempting?

[Someday_Somehow32]

Just that mindset that someone will rescue you like a princess in a tower? That someone could love them enough to have them stay? It's a fantasy but I can't help but want it. I don't even deserve it.

 

[GasMonkey]

The last thing you want is somebody rescuing you while you are attempting to CTB, you could end up alive with permanent damage.

 

[GrumpyFrog]

I get what you mean. I do have this odd hope, even though it is more of a fantasy - not that someone will literally stop me in the middle of the attempt, that wouldn't do anything but make it worse. Rather that some miracle will happen, or somebody will give me some new perspective that I never thought of before (in spite of running the situation over and over in my mind) that will change everything and make life livable again. I am not exactly looking for love, it does sadden me a bit that I die without anyone ever truly loving me, but that wouldn't fix my situation. But I do have this odd fantasy about some miracle, some saving outside intervention, so I think I get what you mean.
Everything is possible, huh? And I guess even if it doesn't happen, it is still nice to dream.
I also tried to be this person for someone else, but looks that my best isn't good enough and I'm going to lose them. And it breaks my heart.

 

[blue_muse]

Sounds like you're describing a manifestation of SI.

 

[makethepainstop]

If special thoughts make your ctb easier, why not indulge in them?

 

[Venus13]

This happens to me on any other day. I actually have a fanciful mind and live deeply in that state often, but it's not the state of mind I'm in close to an attempt. It's like the stage before. The moments before an attempt my dreams and fantasies collapse. I hit the cold ground when I'm on the edge. Nothing but stark reality. Nothing more real than to face death.

 

[almaranthine]

I think about calling someone I was in love with, having them answer the phone and somehow convince me not to go through with it. It's retarded because in reality, I would never even do this... it's just my sad imagination trying to envision what it would be like to have someone care. It would be nice to hear their voice one last time before I die though, even if it's them telling me to go fuck myself, but I digress.

 

[makethepainstop]

I think about calling someone I was in love with, having them answer the phone and somehow convince me not to go through with it. It's retarded because in reality, I would never even do this... it's just my sad imagination trying to envision what it would be like to have someone care. It would be nice to hear their voice one last time before I die though, even if it's them telling me to go fuck myself, but I digress.

There is nothing wrong with being wanted.

 

[Alnilam]

I like to think that my savior will come after I ctb. Like some spiritual significant other half who was waiting for me to cross over this entire time in order to be reunited. Sounds cheesy I know, but I can't see anyone loving me in the current form I'm in. Unless I was never really my body to begin with.

 

[Someday_Somehow32]

I like to think that my savior will come after I ctb. Like some my spiritual significant other half was waiting for me to cross over this whole time in order to be reunited. Sounds cheesy I know, but I can't see anyone loving me in the current form I'm in. Unless I was never really my body to begin with.

That's actually a really nice thought, I might try to think about that next time