Venting Does anyone else ctb thoughts come in waves?

[lexano]

This is how I feel too. I go from accepting death to being super afraid of dying. I always feel really guilty about being afraid of dying because I feel like I'm throwing everyone for a loop every time I'm down bc I come back up. the former always has the allure of peace

 

[LastWhisper]

Yeah, me too. Last time when it happened I almost did it, damn, it went away too early.

 

[BPD Barbie]

Yeah I can go a few days without it being at the forefront of my mind, but eventually it always comes back, usually do to some inconvenience which makes me think I might as well just die.

 

[Lost.]

Unfortunately not! I had waves of suicidality when i was better but since December it is constant need to cbt. I wish i had it again only in waves :(
This cognition hit me. I want cry but ofc i can't as usual.

 

[lmroch]

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[Desky]

Yeah unfortunately it's like a constant back and forth between being stable and feeling suicidal. It's like a subtle torture over many years. Wish my body would decide how to handle the trauma. Sounds like you want to have a happy life again.

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

Used to, quite drastically. I haven't had a hope wave for about two or three months now.

 

[SSlostallhope]

Mine can be really strong one hour and I feel fairly happy the next hour. It's making the SN method difficult

 

[Lost.]

Used to, quite drastically. I haven't had a hope wave for about two or three months now.

I can relate.

Mine can be really strong one hour and I feel fairly happy the next hour. It's making the SN method difficult

Then you are not for cbt. Do you have bipolar?

 

[SleeplessSoul]

Mine used to be there permanently. Since being in therapy, it's mostly in waves now but I've found them to be even worse. I guess I have two kinds of waves: one where I'm in okay mindset and can handle them and then another (more frequently) where it takes a lot not to go through with it

 

[faust]

These are more of waves, but if I don't think about CTB that does not mean I am fine. I am not fine these days, sometimes going mad of everything what is going on. Sad, but seems that I will have to go sad, depressed and surrounded by darkness. No fresh air even before death. Everything goes wrong, I don't know what to do. The more things I take on the more I realize the terror of my whole life. If these are waves, then I am in the boat, if I do not pay attention to waves, that does not mean they are not present.