Discussion Does anyone else constantly fantasise about dying?

[aussieskid]

Plenty. I've also had multiple dreams that have had my death in them. My death always ended up being from guns. One where my mother shot me In the back of my head and another where I was the first victim of a mass shooting in a mall.

 

[Warriorsfan]

I want to die in my sleep.
So I prepare myself for not waking up.
I say I. Want to die tonight so I'm well aware of this. It's like knowing in advance I'll be dead.

 

[InTheAbyss]

All the time. The thought of dying is one of the few things left to give me any peace. It's getting about time I turned fantasies into reality.

 

[hmnow]

Yes I do
Every time I pass a structure or fo into. Building I looke for good anchor points

 

[spookyjar]

Almost daily, I often feel relief thinking about how I could stop myself from suffering.

 

[MementoMori333]

I've always been extremely suicidal, and at my lowest I would think about blowing my head off. I would vividly imagine the surroundings and how it would look and feel.

Recently, I had two terrible breakdowns in the past few weeks and I came very close to running in front of car. As in literally standing on the edge at one point and getting scared because it turned out to be a bus I think, and another time I was in the middle of the road and a big car drove past and I just didn't decide to go infront of it.

Now, everytime I see a car I think about jumping infront of it, and how it would feel. I see big cars or trucks or buses and I think "wow that would fuck me up". I also have started to look at tall buildings and visualise a body falling off, imagining the speed, the sound of impact, stuff like that. I also constantly think about an accident happening whenever I'm in a car.

Idk I guess I just wanted to know if anyone else just vivdly fantasises about dying, and imagining the feeling and aftermath. Sometimes when I'm standing right on the edge of a busy road, I get such a rush thinking "one step and I'll be hit".

What do you guys think?

At my worst I was personally fascinated by the idea of stabbing myself. Unsure of why such a violent way, but it wouldnt leave my mind. I guess because it might make people finally take me seriously? Stabbing is something a truly desperate person would do and is an uncommon method in general. What hurts is that even then I had the consequences for other people in mind so I would've stabbed myself in the bathtub because it would be the easiest to clean.
I've been thinking about "what if *insert illness* happened to me?" for a long time tbh, I think I just liked the idea of someone caring for me. My parents weren't the best in terms of properly caring for me and it still bothers me years after. I just wanna feel like someone truly cares about me.
The closest I got to actually dying in a violent way was when I was walking across the road while being zoned out due to strong emotions and a car almost hit me. I got a great adrenaline rush from that and I kinda miss it. I'm in recovery now and I really shouldn't, but I do. I think that's the most alive I've felt.

 

[Mytimeisending]

Yes as a child I remember closing my eyes wishing I was dead, picturing what my death would look like, how I would do it etc, little me was so desperate for an escape, death semt the only option.

 

[aya miyanaga]

Yes，I really want to die every day……

 

[dweller]

of course.
though never with a firearm. since the age of 7 i have been so fascinated with the idea of stabbing into my own heart, of course i know this isn't a smart method. the one time i did attempt to ctb (and actually "got somewhere", didn't get hospitalized though), at age 12, i used over-the-counter medication because… as much as id love to just stab myself, i couldn't get myself to do it. i remember being 9 and writing logs at night of my attempts on building up the courage to stab into my chest, but i made little progress. it's so dumb.
other methods in my daydreams are kind of specific, but sometimes i wish for certain diseases that have 100% fatality. like prion diseases. because when you die they have to destroy your body and your brain to get rid of the misshapen proteins. something about that is so intriguing. i know they are painful, but i can't help but to desire one. just thinking of prions makes me feel so happy, not in a weird way (i guess), it's just that they're so peculiar. it's a flat, saggy, dilapidated protein that makes every protein around it into a copy of itself. it's so evil and yet it's not even alive. it doesn't gain anything from this because it's not alive. you can't kill it. they stay in soil, they infect the plants grown in said soil, they infect what eats it… i could go on. i'm sorry for ranting it's just that i occasionally wish for something like that to happen to me. i know i'm selfish, but once you figure out you have one, everyone around you knows that you'll be gone and they can't save you.
…anyways, i could never allow myself to do so with a firearm. i could never acquire one, for starters, and i would feel so, so guilty if i did own one. i don't know why, it just seems so dangerous and i'd likely convince myself that i was a secret murderer in my sleep and the gun was my weapon or something.

 

[Alexei]

Frequently.

I dream about being in a Discord Video call with a shotgun then end my life in front of friends. I do not have any friends in real life, nobody who would know about my death other than my parents, I want them to see me for the last time.

Country I live in (Turkey) is highly oppressive for suicidal individuals, people are so pro life. assisted suicide is illegal at least acquiring a gun is relatively easy, anybody can get a hunter's license and get a gun.

 

[starboy2k]

I DONT remember the last time I went a day without saying "I just want to fucking die".

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

I fantasize daily on all the different ways to ctb to try to figure out which method I think I have the courage to go thru with.

 

[LadyPoulenc]

I've always been extremely suicidal, and at my lowest I would think about blowing my head off. I would vividly imagine the surroundings and how it would look and feel.

Recently, I had two terrible breakdowns in the past few weeks and I came very close to running in front of car. As in literally standing on the edge at one point and getting scared because it turned out to be a bus I think, and another time I was in the middle of the road and a big car drove past and I just didn't decide to go infront of it.

Now, everytime I see a car I think about jumping infront of it, and how it would feel. I see big cars or trucks or buses and I think "wow that would fuck me up". I also have started to look at tall buildings and visualise a body falling off, imagining the speed, the sound of impact, stuff like that. I also constantly think about an accident happening whenever I'm in a car.

Idk I guess I just wanted to know if anyone else just vivdly fantasises about dying, and imagining the feeling and aftermath. Sometimes when I'm standing right on the edge of a busy road, I get such a rush thinking "one step and I'll be hit".

What do you guys think?

Whenever I feel down, I imagine myself downing a vial of sodium nitrite

 

[qewpie]

i am sick with illness that has been ignored by research for decades. every day is hell and i wish someone would just come shoot me in my sleep

 

[F6x]

Yeah, every single day, at some point I started writing 'die' on every work document/file I was working on (and then quickly deleting it) cus it was the only thing on my mind

 

[hmnow]

Idk I guess I just wanted to know if anyone else just vivdly fantasises about dying, and imagining the feeling and aftermath. Sometimes when I'm standing right on the edge of a busy road, I get such a rush thinking "one step and I'll be hit".

What do you guys think?

I fantasicse the whole process - on a regular basis

 

[shadowsandink]

Almost daily, but my fantasies usually involves a more brutal way to go than my actual plan.

I have been very close to getting a week worth of hotel room to finat do it, several times in recent months.

I've been using AI to tell me stories of a better world where maybe I wouldn't be in so much pain and not feel so trapped. Just for a slight comfort.

 

[copioushopelessness]

Constantly. I fantasize about blowing my head open (no I dont actually have access to a gun) or jumping in front of a train or off a building. I like to fantasize about then being reborn into an actually good life.

Me too. I see other people living their lives and wish I could be someone else.

I fantasize daily on all the different ways to ctb to try to figure out which method I think I have the courage to go thru with.

Which method do you think about most? I've had dust in the wind stuck in my head for weeks now.

 

[FoxSauce]

Yeah moslty dying in my sleep

 

[Upon a hanging Body]

Yes , suicidal ideation comes hand and hand with having depression.

 

[kazatte]

all the time. i have chronic suicidal ideation so it's one of those things that just constantly crosses my mind. i have thought of so many ways to go and every time i look at anything i think of a way i can use it to end it. my fantasies are very vivid and sometimes i just wish they'd leave me alone, but other times i welcome them

 

[dissociation]

I daydream about my own CTB to help me cope with everyday life.

 

[WonderWhatsOutThere]

Yup. Just want to die all the time