Discussion Does Anyone Else Care About Health Despite Thinking of CTB

[nico_wren]

I care immensely about my weight, appearance, hygenene, and all sorts of things. When I'm sick or dehydrated I try to get better and I don't want to be unhealthy. But, if I am going to soon or eventually CTB why would that even matter? Sometimes I think about it and I really can't explain why. I know some of it is societal, with looks and all, but some of it is personal and doesn't even show outwardly. I have no idea if anyone else relates to this in any way or if I'm just the weird one :p

 

[LoiteringClouds]

I have wondered if my health matters, too.
But I think you are on the right track because you need to keep a clear head to successfully complete CTB.
I wish your situation would improve as you get healthy but it's a pipe dream for some of us...

 

[Disaster]

It's perfectly reasonable to take care of ones health, even if you plan to ctb. Being healthy allows one freedom of doing various things, keeps one able to work (able to get money) etc. Also doing random things to wreck ones body could make people worried and they could interfere with the ctb plan. To me trying to stay healthy (or as healthy as possible) makes 100% sense.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I think it does make sense- who wants their situation to get even worse? I guess some people do- in order to push them into CTB. In other cases, I think it can be the result of depression- lapses in hygiene etc.

Still- I think we all know what makes us feel worse. Sometimes it's beneficial to do stuff we actually hate- like exercise- in order to feel slightly better in the long run. Unless we know exactly when we want to go, it makes sense to take enough care of our health until then- even just so we are fit enough to actually go through with it when the time comes. CTB actually can require a lot of planning and discipline- depending on the method. In some ways, I think neglecting ourself in terms of health and hygiene can lead to yet more depression- like a slippery slope. I think people in the depths of depression find it difficult to CTB- most especially methods that need a lot of preparation. Ironic really that in some ways- I wonder if you need to be reasonably healthy IN ORDER to CTB!

 

[puppet_nihilist]

Aside from self neglect issues that depression/anhedonia can sometimes bring, I see no point in damaging your health and neglecting your hygiene.

 

[haiku]

I'm the same way. I guess I figure if I can't ctb, I don't want to make my life any more worse than it already is, so I try to take care of myself. I worry if I fail, I'll have to live with even worse consequences so I try to make sure that I don't regret things anymore than I already do. It is silly because mental issues have given me so many regrets and messed up major aspects of my life, but I at least try to take care of hygiene, health, and appearance.

 

[brokenpersi]

I do same as you, because I'm still tryin not to give up. You know- if I fail at least I can look at the mirror and say - you have tried to the end.

 

[Mr.Tristesse]

It makes sense. CTB is never a guaranteed thing and you don't want to have to repair self-inflicted damage later down the line.

 

[downndone2]

I have completely been neglecting myself, hygiene, and health. I hate it everyday but I'm completely unmotivated and hate who I am

 

[WorthlessTrash]

No reason to. Though I am 200 lbs overweight and my shorts dont fit me, but I don't care enough to do anything about it. It's just another inconvenience in my life.

 

[FuneralCry]

I would personally wish to avoid ending up in a situation of worse torture, so I think that it's very much understandable caring about your health. And in my case it's unlikely I will be gone anytime soon (unfortunately). It's certainly one of the worst things about existing how there is no limit as to how much we can suffer as long as we are trapped in the flesh prison that is the human body.

 

[Lost in a Dream]

I only try to take care of my health a little to avoid pain, but not because I actually care about being healthy in general. I tried taking care of my physical health in the past, back when I wasn't suicidal, but now it's just too much work to do it. As long as I don't stink when I'm around other people, that's about as far as my hygiene goes, and I'm always doing the bare minimum to not fall over dead, but sometimes I hope that happens.

 

[TAW122]

I do, but mostly for two main reasons. First, I want to ensure that my health doesn't fall below a point where I wouldn't even have the ability and capability to carry out CTB when the time comes. The second reason is that I don't wish to give off 'red flags' if my health falters as that would only complicate things and make pursuing CTB (in the future) more difficult than it is.

 

[BroodingBleu]

I care immensely and want nothing more than to get "better". I have sought after mental health for about three years and have been fighting the medical system every step of the way. Waiting months just for a therapy appointment and getting denied by psychiatrists because I have private insurance, etc.

By no means are you weird for wanting to seek help. In fact, from what I've read in other threads, most people here have tried, but have since lost hope in the crooked healthcare system, whether its the fault of professionals or otherwise.

In my particular case, I want very badly to seek help, but my inability to function with self-care related things like setting up those appointments or calling on the phone destroy that chance for me, I just can't do it. I haven't went to inpatient care or a psychiatric hold or anything like that, but I have heard both amazing stories and horror stories from these facilities and it truly is subjective and how you feel about it in the end.

TL:DR; I care a lot about all the same things, but I think I've given up on trying to fix it, or I'm close to that point anyway.

 

[DeathToSpiesSMERSH]

I worry all the time about my health, especially my mental health. I ruminate endlessly over my weight issues, the fact I consume poor quality food and binge eat to numb the pain or just to pass the time.

I was worried about my liver and kidneys after past attempts.

 

[ilovecats]

I don't want to have my life ruined by past mistakes if I find a way to be happy. I still have hope that I can get out of my current station. And even if I can't, I don't want to be miserable and ctb out of desperation instead of ctb-ing with a clear mind and be at ease with death.

 

[VioletNight]

Definitely, I have constant paranoia about my health and worry about it frequently.

 

[Source Energy]

I care immensely about my weight, appearance, hygenene, and all sorts of things. When I'm sick or dehydrated I try to get better and I don't want to be unhealthy. But, if I am going to soon or eventually CTB why would that even matter? Sometimes I think about it and I really can't explain why. I know some of it is societal, with looks and all, but some of it is personal and doesn't even show outwardly. I have no idea if anyone else relates to this in any way or if I'm just the weird one :p

Me. All that.
I take vitamins, go to the gym, take care of the minor health issues I have, feed and hydrate myself, shower twice a day, wear perfume, make up, nice clothes. No matter how depressed I get, I could never not wash myself or not eat. At my worst, I don't apply make up, but never stay without shower for more than a day, I could never tolerate myself to stink, or go starving, or thirsty. Idk how ppl do that.
I kind of love myself and my body. I want to die, yes, but while I don't, I take care of myself. Why be in more pain than I already am by ruining my health?

 

[outrider567]

Yes

 

[stilhavinightmares]

I only care about my health if it is something that will cause pain/suffering. If it won't, I don't care. If it's going to cause pain/suffering, I will care about it unless it's something that could lead to death quickly. That would be a dream.

I only try to take care of my health a little to avoid pain, but not because I actually care about being healthy in general. I tried taking care of my physical health in the past, back when I wasn't suicidal, but now it's just too much work to do it. As long as I don't stink when I'm around other people, that's about as far as my hygiene goes, and I'm always doing the bare minimum to not fall over dead, but sometimes I hope that happens.

This made me laugh. Hope you're not offended. I feel literally the same exact way.

 

[Venus13]

Mostly, yea. Hygiene for sure, it actually calms my mental health issues. Appearance is a lost cause for me. I don't want to be miserable from health failings and uncomfortable in my body while I'm here so I do my best.

 

[Doz]

Kinda? I drink a LOT of water because I just really like water (is that weird to say?), not in relation to survival or anything like that. And I do shower daily because it's relaxing and I also hate the feeling of being too hot, sticky, and or smelly. So I sorta take care of myself indirectly. As far as everything else goes I don't care about my appearance and haven't seen a doctor in years.